A STOMACH FULL OF RATS
by deetatarant
Summary: Season One.... Ianto's spiralling out of control and Jack's really not sure whether he cares enough to do anything about it.CHAPTER 19 REPOSTED....
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I PULLED TERRA FIRMA BECAUSE I WASN'T HAPPY WITH IT AND WILL REVISIT IT LATER.... MAYBE . SORRY BUT I JUST COULDN'T MAKE IT WORK...**

**THIS PIECE IS ENTIRELY EXPERIMENTAL......SET SEASON ONE POST 'FAIRES'**

**STOMACH FULL OF RATS**

Ianto sighed heavily as he reversed himself off the back seat of the SUV, cleaning spray and cloth in hand. At least the smell of Weevil was gone even if the stains weren't. It would have to do; he was not a miracle worker. The others wouldn't notice anyway and he wondered why he was bothering at all and then he remembered.... well difficult not to really.... it was his job. They were going camping, though in reality they were tripping off to Brecon to investigate.... well.... whatever it was. Ianto found he didn't much care; he didn't much care about anything. He slammed the door shut and leaned against the cool metal of the car, sucking in long slow breaths. His stomach was aching again. Truth was he could not remember a time when it hadn't ached. He gathered his resolve, physically morphing himself into the rigidly upright butler they had come to expect him to be.

The Hub was quiet for once, even with all of the team at their respective desks. The only sound was the whooshing of Myfanwy's wings as she swooped low before arching up back into the heights. Ianto froze for a moment looking up at her, unable to resist the boyish urge to watch as she soared away. The moment didn't last; Jack had tainted her beauty by turning her against Lisa. Ianto moved on past Tosh's desk and toward his coffee machine.

He needed coffee. Well he needed caffeine anyway. He wanted to anchor himself to the familiar motions of preparing beverages. He lost himself in the task unaware that he had gained an audience.....

Jack leaned back in his chair and stretched the kinks out of tired shoulder muscles. He glanced briefly out of the window of his office and saw the suited figure of one Ianto Jones standing motionless, his face tilted up to the roof. Jack almost did a double take when he saw the barely perceptible smile grace his lips for the tiniest of moments. Part of him wondered if he had imagined it. Just as suddenly the blank mask was in place and Ianto was striding to coffee heaven. Jack decided to follow. He needed a break anyway. He still felt incredibly uneasy in Ianto's presence. Ianto had been quiet before the 'Lisa Incident' and now he moved about the hub like a detached shadow. It was as if Ianto had lost the fight with his will to stay alive and now he was just going through the motions because instinct alone prevented him from putting a bullet in his brain. What made Jack more uncomfortable was the fact that he understood only too well where Ianto was coming from.

Grief for Jack was something he wore on his sleeve, tears, anger and doing something..... anything, to take away the pain. Ianto just walled himself in an unbreakable space, a void written on his face that simply read 'no feeling here'. Jack was reminded of the Pink Floyd song, Comfortably Numb, he wondered just how comfortable Ianto was. In spite of everything, his betrayal, his loss and the anger of his colleagues, Ianto had come back to work..... faced the music.... and somehow functioned. Jack hesitated at his door' his hand resting on the handle. They were due to head out to Brecon, he was hoping to fix things a little, get Ianto out of that self imposed cage......

He could smell the aroma of dark Java and decided to venture out to talk to his team, casually and calmly as a boss should. He made his first target Gwen. She was always so easy to approach. The moment his presence was felt her face lit up and the smile was open and heartfelt. Jack loved that smile, the brightness of her eyes, the refreshing undamaged human in the Hub. It didn't hurt that she was hot to look at as well. Owen had clearly noticed and Jack was fairly sure he had taken advantage too, but he didn't like to ask. What his team did in their off hours...... well actually that wasn't strictly true given Ianto's track record. There it was again..... Ianto.... like a pain in the gut or an itch you just couldn't scratch. Jack hitched his best smile to match Gwen's.

"How's it going?" His hand drifted to rest on her shoulder, her warmth seeping up his arm like positive radiation.

"I've collated allthe reports for the briefing." Her eyes met his and Jack tried not to hitch a breath and Gwen tried not to blush, they both failed.

"Good, I'll round everyone up and we may as well get started."

Their gazes lingered for a moment too long and then Jack just suddenly moved away. Gwen sagged at his departure and gathered up her papers.

Jack halted a few paces away from where Ianto was engrossed in his coffee magic. Jack loved the coffee, Ianto was just pure genius as far as coffee was concerned. He folded his arms across his chest and just watched for a moment.

Ianto could feel his skin crawling all of a sudden and he caught sight of Jack standing there, eyeing him up as he worked.

"Is there something wanted, sir?" No point in being rude.

Jack smiled. "Could you bring the coffee to the boardroom?"

There was never any please. "Yes, sir."

Jack nodded and swung away reluctantly. All he wanted to do was to shake some life back into the youngest member of his team. At this point Jack realised how little he knew of Ianto Jones. He wanted to make the boy laugh. Ianto used to laugh before they all found out about Lisa and Jack realised just how blatantly fake it had been. He'd just been too busy admiring the pert arse to notice. Jack was good at detachment, of burying his head and that had lead to Suzie's monumental breakdown into murder and suicide and Ianto taking him for the fool that he was. There was a lot to make up for. He'd missed all the signs with Alex a few years back too. Was he really that dense? Jack was starting to think so, or maybe he just didn't care enough.

Ianto carefully arranged the four mugs and plate of biscuits on the tray. He carried swiftly it and silently to the boardroom, glided into the room and distributed the drinks. He turned to leave, tray tucked neatly under his arm.

"Ianto take a seat."

He froze.

"Ianto?"

He swung round a polite indifference on his face, hiding his irritation. The last place he wanted to be was in here where they could all look at him with their anger and feelings of betrayal. Jack was gesturing to the vacant chair to his left.

"Of course, sir."

Ianto slid into the seat and placed the tray on the table in front of him. He focussed his gaze at the space between Owen and Tosh.

"Right as I was saying. We have a number of unexplained disappearances in the area over quite a lengthy period of time, so be prepared for a few days away."

Owen was imagining a nice hotel, Tosh dreamily pictured a quaint BnB overlooking the Welsh Hills and Ianto tried to remember where the tents were stowed.....

"Ianto can you oversee getting everything into the SUV ready for an early departure tomorrow morning. You will be joining us so I just something more pratical to wear. Tosh can you set the remote alert and advise UNIT we'll be out of town for a few days."

Tosh nodded.

"Of course..... Lovely coffee Ianto, aren't you having one?"

Ianto was startled out his reverie. "Oh..er no... I had one a little while ago up in the tourist office." He lied, his was still by the machine, getting cold. He kept his gaze away and clasped his hands on the table to stop himself from figeting.

Jack recognised the lie straight away, but said nothing.

"OK, everyone lets get things finished up for the day and Owen, Gwen and Tosh go home be back here at 6am."

Owen shot up from his seat and took his mug off to the autopsy bay. Tosh followed him out of the room a moment later and then Gwen her research in her arm, she offered up a quick glance at Jack before she left, but Jack was looking at Ianto who was gathering up the empty biscuit plate.

"Jack, I'll leave these on your desk?"

Jack turned his head catching Gwen's infectious smile and unsubtle fluttering of eyelashes.

"Please, go home catch up with your boyfriend, we could be away for a couple of days."

She left sorely disappointed, but she hid it well. The door was closed at her back.

"Ianto sit down."

It was a blatant order.

Ianto sat mechanically on command and stared at his hands again. His stomach griped painfully and he felt himself shiver.

Jack watched the young man closely, wondering why he looked so damned uncomfortable. It was stupid to wonder.... really stupid.... lets face it.

"How are you, Ianto?"

Ianto's head shot up, his eyes narrowing with suspicion. It was some seconds before he opened his mouth to speak as he realised Jack was clearly out of his depth for even asking.

"I'm fine sir, thank you."

Jack scrubbed a hand over his face in frustration.

"Really?"

Then Ianto looked at him, really looked at him, straight in the eyes and right down into the well of his soul and Jack just felt sick at the emptiness he saw in the younger man's beautiful blues. They were beautiful, those eyes, not ones you could easily forget because they really did look right down inside of you.

"No." Ianto replied. "How can I be?"

Jack sighed. "I don't have that answer, but I thank you for not lying to me this time."

All Ianto could feel was the rats at the moment, rodents that incessantly gnawed at his innards.

"Is that all, sir?"

Jack huffed out a breath.

"Yes. Can you start on finding the gear for the SUV, I'll come down and give you hand shortly."

Ianto nodded and rose to his feet. He strode smartly out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS**

Jack arrived in the parking bay to find many bags and flight cases neatly spread out on the concrete floor. Ianto was leaning into the back of the SUV, his jacket having hitched up his back, revealing a very nice suited back side. Jack couldn't help himself, he paused to look; it was not often he saw such a classy arse. Ianto moved, straightening up and facing Jack with a withering look in his eyes, he was clearly miserable and Jack sighed somewhat guiltily before approaching with jovial strides.

"How far have you got?"

Ianto turned to the baggage at his feet. "Are you sure about the whole camping thing sir? Owen is going to go ballistic when he finds out."

Jack smiled. "It'll do him good, he's needs some fresh air and he's probably never seen a real sheep before in his life."

Ianto was looking even more unimpressed than before, his hand moving unconsciously to rub at his sore abdomen. "Oh, he'll be delighted about that I'm sure."

Jack surveyed the gear. "Is this all gonna fit in?"

Ianto nodded. "Of course it will, sir." He stooped and hefted one of the tent bags, swinging it on to the tailgate with fluid grace. He shoved it further in and turned to lift something else. Jack got there first.

"Is it really required that I come as well?" Ianto asked lifting a flight case.

Jack took it from him and packed it into the boot with the tents. "Yes. I think it would be good for you to work with us all."

Ianto didn't agree. "I see."

Jack froze and stared at him, hands going to his hips. "You clearly don't."

Ianto stopped, noting the slightly annoyed tone of Jack's voice, he back peddled a step and shrugged which resulted in an exasperated huff from his boss.

"Look Ianto, this is me, trying to get you integrated into the team. Making them see that you can be trusted. You're fading into the background again, you're a master at it and under any other circumstances it could be a useful gift. But we're you're friends and.........."

Ianto sighed. "Not my friends." He muttered.

Jack glared. "I beg your pardon?"

"Not my friends, sir. You choose your friends and right now..... right now..... they are dead.... all of them. I came here for Lisa.... I work with you... but that is it." Ianto stood there and he inwardly cursed himself when he realised he was shaking with nerves and exhaustion. He barely managed to contain himself, breaking down would have to wait for the privacy of his flat.

"Then why the fuck did you come back after your suspension?" Jack demanded, more hurt than he cared to admit.

Ianto sucked in a steadying breath. "Because you'd either kill me or Retcon me if I didn't. Because I am responsible for the deaths of two people, because I made Lisa suffer in that God awful machine for nearly seven months because I was too selfish to let her go." His voice was monotone, barely audible.

Jack shook his head, his anger ebbing away. "You're punishing yourself, is that it?"

Ianto shrugged.

They stood there in silence for some time, Ianto eventually moved and picked up a small case and handed it to Jack.

"I'm sorry it's not what you wanted to hear."

Jack took the case. "I'd hoped for better. We do care Ianto, more than you give us credit for."

"I don't want you to care or your pity."

"So what you're just gonna carry on in morbid silence for the rest of your life?"

Ianto had no answer to that. "I don't know. I'm just waking up and going through each day as it comes. It's all I can cope with right now."

They continued working for a few minutes until the back of the SUV was fully loaded. Ianto slammed down the boot and locked the vehicle. He stood there feeling intensely awkward again.

Jack shoved his hands into his pockets. "I understand your pain Ianto. I know what loss is, I know how the nightmares go, I have enough of my own to deal with, but you've got to trust us."

Ianto almost laughed, he was no nervous. "I've never been given a reason to trust any of you. I'm useful sir, leave it at that."

"No, I will not. You are part of this team Ianto and whether you like it or not you are also our friend and we care about you. And yes, we're angry about what happened, what do you expect?"

Ianto's eyes met his and once again Jack inwardly shuddered. "I don't expect anything sir, I never have, not since being here, apart from you looking at my arse and Suzie asking me to test out the fucking glove........"

"What?"

Ianto faltered..... Oh.... Jack didn't know about that then.

"Ianto?"

Ianto swallowed, his nerves heightened further, his stomach grinding painfully again.

"Suzie, she made me test the glove..... I had a sort of affinity with it, but I didn't like it, it hurt me inside but she kept at it and I didn't want her to discover Lisa so I did as she asked."

Jack sighed reaching a comforting hand but Ianto backed off a pace.

"And what about when we were sharing my bunk..... did you feel the same way about that?" He had to know.

Ianto tried his best, but the tears came anyway and he chewed at his lower lip.

"I just wanted her to get better, but I felt....... I was so lonely....... I just wanted something...... anything, you never hurt me..... I never felt...... but Suzie, she was clever and she was watching me constantly, like she knew." He wiped at his face with his sleeve.

Jack edged forwards another pace, his hand still held out.

"Ianto."

The Welshman took another step back. "Don't! Please, just don't. I'm sorry."

"I know you are Ianto, but you have to stop shutting yourself away. We need you out here in the now. You are clever and insightful and Torchwood 3 has never been this organised. It doesn't have to be a penance. I don't want it to be that, it doesn't help the team and it certainly doesn't help you."

He watched more than a little shocked to see Ianto suddenly compose himself, straightening his shoulders and back and drawing down the familiar blank mask.

"Is there anything else I need to do before I go home, sir?"

Jack shook his head with weary frustration.

"No, be back here for 6am."

"Yes sir."

Ianto fled in as dignified a manner as he could manage.

"We're not done with this conversation, Ianto." He called to Ianto's departing back.

Ianto froze and turned to face him for moment before walking away through the door into the Hub.


	3. Chapter 3

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART THREE**

**Ianto couldn't get out of the Hub** fast enough. He pulled his coat tight against his thin frame and strode home with his head down against the brisk easterly wind that whipped across the Plas. He passed the Red Dragon center, almost walking into a group of teenagers who impatiently got out of his way and cursed at his back. Ianto paid them no heed. He just wanted to get home.

**He keyed his front door with violently shaking hands** and slammed the door at his back leaning against it and sinking to the floor. His hands went straight to his gut and he heaved out a choked sob at the renewed pain as he curled into himself. Sweat broke out on his forehead and stars spun in his vision. Ianto squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth. Shadows loomed and bright colours exploded under his eyelids and Ianto whimpered pathetically unable to move. Bile curled in his stomach and burned its way up to his throat. He hurled it out over the slate tiled floor, spitting at the vile scorching of his tongue. Tears flooded and all he wanted was for someone to hold him and make it all go away.

It was the smell that finally brought him to his senses. He shifted sore and stiff muscles and hauled himself to his feet. Once in the kitchen he discovered it was 3am. He grabbed a dish towel and rinsed it under the tap and picking up the bottle of Detox from under the sink he went to the hallway to clean up the mess. Ten minutes later he was standing under the shower, hands splayed against the glass for support as the scalding water cascaded over his aching body. His stomach burned.

6 am saw Ianto step into the Hub with a small back pack slung over his shoulder. The half bottle of Gaviscon had eased the griping enough for him tolerate a couple of slices of toast and a glass of water. He dumped his pack and suddenly realised that Tosh was staring at him..... Oh yes the jeans and shirt. Ianto shrugged.

"Coffee Tosh?"

She smiled at him noticing that he was looking a little whiter than usual.

"Yes, thanks. Has Jack got you coming on this trip too?"

Ianto nodded. "I don't know what use I'll be......" He turned away going to the sanctuary of his gleaming machine.

Tosh continued to watch him, wishing she knew what to say. She was startled by Jack arriving at her side. He had seen what she was doing, where her gaze fell.

"You look worried." He commented quietly.

Tosh offered up a brief smile. "He looks so diminished."

Jack half wondered if she meant to say it out loud. He slipped an arm over her shoulder and gently squeezed her.

"He needs time."

"He needs love, Jack.... someone who gives a damn."

Jack sucked in a breath and pulled away so that he could face her. "When we get back from Brecon, I'd like you to go over Suzie's glove research. Just the notes. She used Ianto for some of her experimentation, I want to be sure he wasn't.......damaged by it."

Tosh hitched a breath briefly glancing in the Welshman's direction.

"How did you find out?"

"He told me, last night. Very reluctantly I might add, but I am sure you can see as well as I can that he's not......well."

Tosh arched her eyebrows; men could be incredibly dense sometimes.

"Jack, after what he's been through how on Earth can you expect him to be well?"

She had a point.

"I'm gonna team you up with him when we get out to Brecon, are you ok with that?" He knew that he had to ask, but Tosh was by far the most compassionate member of the team.

Tosh smiled. "Of course I am Jack. Don't worry I'll look after him."

"Thanks Tosh."

Gwen blustered in through the cog door, moaning about her boyfriend's snoring and ten minutes later Owen arrived complaining about last nights disappointing shag. Jack smiled to himself, some things never changed, even if the people did.

Owen flatly refused to sit in the back of the SUV with the girls. Jack wanted to make a point to give Ianto the opportunity to sit up front and have a little personal space, but Owen was having none of it. So Ianto sat rigidly upright doing his utmost not to make any form of bodily contact, wedged as he was between his two female colleagues. As they left the Hub Jack and Gwen went over the case notes and the four team members talked animatedly and happily amongst themselves. Ianto remained silent, not because he didn't have anything to say, he was sure that if he opened his mouth or turned his head, he would be sick. He loathed travelling in the back of any vehicle, but with his stomach continuing to grind the way it was....... He let out a sigh of relief when Jack pulled them over into a lay by. Ianto had to force a dignified exit from the back seat and the first thing he smelt was burgers. Then he noticed the caravan and actually felt hungry for the first time in days..... maybe that's why his stomach was hurting so much. He abandoned his colleagues and went over to the burger stall, a red faced cheery local man (judging from his accent) greeted him. Ianto ordered five burgers without even thinking about whether or not his colleagues would want them.

After Tosh's hepatitis declaration Ianto ended up eating three of them. His stomach seemed to appreciate the effort and settled down. They piled back into the SUV and Owen resumed his complaining. Tosh stared out of one window and Gwen the other. Ianto kept his gaze firmly on his hands clasped on his lap. He caught sight a couple of times of Jack's eyes in the rear view mirror, meeting his. There was concern there. Ianto ignored it.

He had to admit that he honestly did love his native country. Wales really was quite beautiful in a rugged, remote sort of way. Having finished helping Tosh with the operations tent Ianto stood up and surveyed the cluster of hills that surrounded them. The chill found it's way under his totally inappropriate jacket, but Ianto found he didn't mind, it made him realise he still had some feeling in his otherwise numb body..... numb to everything but the dull ache of his muscles and the sharp gripe of his stomach..... He rubbed at it absently, it was starting to bother again, maybe the food hadn't been such a good idea. He suddenly realised Jack was watching him again from the front seat of the SUV, a map in his hands. Ianto shuddered and looked away.

Jack wondered what the hell Gwen had been thinking with that childish game. He could see the disappointment and resentment on Tosh's face from a mile away and Ianto had shut everyone up to good effect and then stomped off to the ops tent, an awkward silence in his wake. It was Tosh that went after him and Jack was grateful because he wasn't sure he was in the mood for Ianto's self pity at that point. They had an investigation to carry out and much as he wanted Ianto integrated into the team, it couldn't all be down to him. Thank goodness for Tosh and Jack could only hope that Ianto wouldn't drive her away.


	4. Chapter 4

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART FOUR**

Ianto was not in the tent. Tosh frowned in puzzlement and wandered back out to Jack.

Ianto crawled under the tarpaulin and stood outside at the back of the tent and heaved up his lunch into the grass. He wasn't quite certain how he managed it so quietly but he thanked God he'd stuffed a packet of mints in the pocket of his jeans. He shoved one into his mouth as soon as the retching stopped and straightened himself up before crawling back into the tent. He grabbed a PDA from the trestle table to make himself look busy if any one came in and then he heard Jack yelling his name and demanding he bring a forensics kit with him. Ianto grabbed the correct case and came out of the tent. Tosh offering up a wide eyed look and Jack giving him a knowing one.

He really didn't want to look at the body, he'd seen enough of them in his short life and whilst Ianto wasn't in the least bit squeamish, well what sick fuck would choose to look at a corpse without good reason. He got busy with the tape and kept out of the way whilst the gang examined the..... shit, was that the SUV? Ianto looked up, already Jack was running with Owen and Gwen at his heels. Tosh hung back, helping gather up the kit he had brought with him. Ianto thanked her and Tosh smiled at him in a way that made him feel distinctly uneasy.

Jack was furious and Owen tried desperately to shake off his mistake as one of those things. Ianto didn't much care, without the SUV and the tech it contained they were pretty much helpless. He stood there feeling the chill as he tracked it on the PDA, he couldn't help the small degree of smugness as he told Jack where it was. Owen was such a twat sometimes. Ianto just wanted to go home and he strode ahead thinking that maybe the SUV had been taken to set a trap.... one they were blithely walking into. He didn't mind the walk over the hills, so long as he could out Owen's constant moaning and Gwen's teasing him. Tosh too was silent and Ianto quietly thanked her for it. Jack walked at his side occasionally glancing down at the PDA in Ianto's hand from over the younger man's shoulder, getting in close enough that Ianto could feel the heat coming off him. At one point Jack rested a hand on his shoulder as they paused to look at the terrain, Ianto tried not to flinch.... he tried not to show any kind of response to the contact at all, especially when Gwen caught his eye. His stomach pains just got worse and Ianto seriously wondered how long he could stay on his feet.

The others had no idea.

Ianto was more than relieved when he and Tosh parted company with the rest of the team. As they walked he let Tosh take the PDA, she was nervous and clearly needed the anchorage that the little piece of tech could provide her. Ianto didn't mind and he'd lost the ability to be able to see the screen properly anyway. The farm house was foreboding and as they approached Ianto's guts tightened further, this time with fear. Tosh had her gun out and was confidently striding around kicking things over and checking doors. Ianto did his best to look like he knew what he was doing.

He remembered the panic of losing sight of her and then the monster that struck him down, he fainted before he hit the ground.

Jack was terrified. Gwen was bleeding on the table and Owen had shoved him out of the way to take over. It didn't look too bad, and she was tough enough to take it, but Jack really didn't want her exposed to all this, she was the heart of the Hub and he'd be damned if that was going to be stripped away from her. He belatedly wondered what had happened to Tosh and Ianto and cursed himself for sending them away alone with no back up and no way to communicate with the rest of the team. Tosh was more than capable of taking care of herself, but Ianto........

There was a fridge full of........ Ianto thought he was dreaming, but the smell was unmistakable. He knew he'd have nightmares about that for years to come, and shoes..... lots of shoes.

The baseball bat swung again with a resounding crunch against his knee and he screamed praying that his death would have given Tosh the time she needed to get away. He vaguely wondered if he'd still be alive when they started eating him. One pain blurred into another and Ianto choked against the gag and couldn't breathe against the sack over his face. Light exploded and he was hauled up and through his tears he could see a flash of steel, Owen, Tosh and Gwen looking on in horror. He wasn't sure about the rest, and just waited for the razor slice across his throat, beyond terror now.

They made a lot of fuss over Gwen, she was demanding and angry and her hands hugged the gunshot wound constantly as if to make a point. Owen and the paramedics were patching her up and Ianto sat motionless on the tailgate of the SUV too stunned to move and in far too much pain to even contemplate the idea of movement full stop. He sat hunched and shivering grateful to be ignored because he just wanted to be left alone. He thought about maybe finding some nice quiet corner to go and die in. It took him some moments to register Tosh at his side. She looked shaken and slightly wild in the eye but she smiled at him and rubbed his shoulder.

"Come on Ianto, lets get the medics to look at you." She said gently grasping his arm. Ianto winced, really not wanting to be moved, just wanting to.... just....tears flooded, but he didn't make a sound as he looked at Tosh and took her breath away.

"Oh Ianto.... come on, please. Let me help."

He really couldn't move and his voice froze in his throat so he settled for shaking his head unaware that he was trembling under Tosh's soft hands. Water blurred his vision which went tunnel like. His ears rang with a horrible high pitched squeal and his gut convulsed..... There was red everywhere. And Ianto pitched forwards onto the grass almost taking Tosh with him.

"Owen, Jack!"

It was the last thing Ianto heard.


	5. Chapter 5

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART FIVE**

Gwen didn't want the paramedics checking her over but Owen was insistent and Jack hung about waiting to see what the damage to her was. Gwen was wondering how the hell she was going to explain a gunshot wound to her boyfriend and wasn't this the most crazy fucked up experience of her life. She was reeling and she made sure that Owen and Jack knew it. If she were honest with herself, she was enjoying the attention rather more than she should, and why the hell the not? The paramedics were advising she be sent to casualty and Gwen protested emphatically that she'd prefer Owen's ministrations over the NHS any day. The debate continued until they heard Tosh cry out.

Jack swung round and Owen climbed out of the ambulance fearing that Tosh was in danger from another one of the villagers, they ran. They found her bent over Ianto who was convulsing in a pool of blood and mud.

"Shit! Jack, get my bag and the medic now!" Owen bellowed. Jack didn't hesitate.

Ianto was oblivious to the fuss, the pain merged into his internal panic and his brain went into melt down. He didn't hear the sirens or see the flashing lights over his head as he was wheeled into an operating theatre with a half dozen people trying to keep him alive. He probably wouldn't have cared at this point.

Owen sank into a chair and buried his face into his shaking hands. The adrenalin from the 50 minute journey from Hell was starting to wear off. He'd never seen so much blood. He leant back in the plastic seat shocked at the realisation that he had completely ignored the younger man in favour of treating Gwen's injuries. He sighed, there was nothing he could do now. He sent a text to Jack letting him know that Ianto was in theatre and then he wandered off to AnE to find Gwen who was being patched up. It was likely Ianto would not make it through the night. So much for the golden hour, drilled into him during his training, whilst Ianto had undoubtedly been beaten to a pulp it was ultimately Owen's neglect that would kill him. Owen needed a drink.

By the time Jack had driven Tosh home and made sure she was ok it was almost 3pm. When he arrived at the hospital he found that Gwen had been discharged and Owen had gone back to the Hub after dropping her home. Ianto was still in theatre and deciding that waiting wouldn't achieve anything Jack headed back to the Hub as well. He found Owen in the autopsy bay working at his computer.

"How was Ianto when you got him to the hospital?" Jack wanted answers, wanted someone to blame.

Owen looked up and sighed. "Have you not been to the hospital?"

Jack sat down on the steps. "He was still being operated on when I got there, the nurse is gonna call me when he's out."

Owen abandoned his work. "Well that was........" He lost his momentum.

Jack nodded. "Yeah..... something like that." He felt sick for a whole number of reasons and found himself wishing for his bloody Doctor to turn up and whisk him away from all this sewage of humanity. "Go home Owen, get some rest.... take a couple of days.... whatever. I'll call you if I need you to come in."

Owen grabbed his Jacket. "Tosh?"

"She's fine. I'll let you know about Ianto when I find out."

Owen nodded. If he were honest with himself..... well better to lose the Tea Boy than lose Gwen or Tosh.

"Right Boss." He hesitated. "You ok?"

Jack nodded. "Not my finest hour Owen. We'll debrief on Friday."

"Right then."

Jack hated hospitals with a passion. He got the shock of his life when he stepped into HDU. After flashing his credentials the nurse directed him to a bed in a separate room, there was a mass of equipment and under a starched white sheet lay Ianto, almost as pale as the cotton that covered his modesty. The sheet had been folded so that only Ianto's groin area was covered by the cloth. The rest of his body was swollen and blackened with bruising and his abdomen was covered by a clear plastic film under which was visible a long line of surgical staples that ran from just below his sternum to his navel. There was a tube taped into Ianto's mouth, another coming out of his nose, more snaking down from three different bags of fluid being fed into his arm. Jack stared for a long moment before noticing the half moon bite marks on Ianto's thighs and a bandage that was wound around his left calf.

"Are you family?"

It was an Asian accent and Jack turned to be faced by middle aged Indian woman in a white coat.

Jack shook his head. "Torchwood. Ianto is one of my employees."

A hand was outstretched.

"Dr Sanjan. May we talk?"

Jack nodded and turned and followed her out of the room, she lead him to a couple of chairs lined against the wall of the corridor outside the ward. They sat down.

"So, tell me how he is."

Dr Sanjan put aside her charts. ""Quite frankly I do not know how he is still alive. The actions of your medic probably saved his life. Mr Jones suffered severe and deep bruising across 90 percent of his body, three long bones are cracked, though not broken, two ribs were smashed to pieces, we'll be having him back in theatre in a couple of days to wire them. He had a stomach ulcer, though I am not entirely certain whether or not it was perforated before the attack. Either way I think it is likely he has been very ill for some time. There's a lot of bite marks..... I read the police reports...... His left leg has been chewed and I can only hope that he wasn't conscious when that happened. He's stable for now, if he remains that way, as I said we'll have him back in theatre to wire the ribs, but..... He's very seriously ill and I think it pay to notify any family that he has." She took a deep breath hardly able to believe what she was saying herself. "Does he have family?"

Jack had no idea. "I'll find out and contact them. What about recovery, what are we talking about?"

"Months, physically he will need a lot of looking after initially, but his mental welfare will need much longer, I'll make sure the arrangements are made for a clinical psychologist's appointment. But that's a long way off yet. Right now I just want to get him through the next 24 hours."

Jack nodded. "Ok, thank you." He wearily rose to his feet. "I'll find out about his relatives and inform anyone who needs to be informed." What else could he do? Rather dejectedly he left the hospital, hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat and wondering if his day could get any worse.

**AN: YOu can tell I've had a bad day.... Ianto always gets it!**

**Thank you for the reviews I hope you're not reaching for the valium quite yet.....**


	6. Chapter 6

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART SIX**

Jack left Damian's flat feeling thoroughly unsatisfied and very short changed. A quick glance at his watch told him it was it was almost 3am. Time to go home and shower.

An hour later saw him checking through Ianto's personnel file, no relatives were listed but that was no guarantee that there weren't any. Jack was pretty sure that Ianto had doctored the file at some point anyway because he was pretty certain that the young man had an older sister, Ianto had mentioned something once, hadn't he? Jack realised somewhat guiltily that he hadn't listened to anything that Ianto had divulged about himself and Ianto had been quite right, he had never asked either. Jack didn't want to care, but discovered underneath all his own anger and loneliness that he did.

Shit.

He closed down the computer and sighed. He'd get Tosh to check in the morning. He realised that the doctor had told him that Ianto had been ill for some time and he wondered why none of them had noticed, why hadn't anything been flagged by Owen at Ianto's last physical exam? Ianto had probably lied through his teeth again. It just wasn't worth the effort. If the stupid boy was so hell bent on destroying himself, who was he to get in the way?

Jack sighed, if nothing else he was Ianto's boss, the one who expected him to put his life on the line to save the planet. Jack kicked the leg of his desk in frustration.

Tosh had failed every attempt at sleep and decided to go into work. If nothing else she could ground herself in the familiar technology and find some small artefact to analyse to keep her mind from wandering back to the hands at her throat and that hideous foul breathy leer that filled her vision the moment she closed her eyes. She was worried about Ianto, he'd saved her life after all. She wasn't surprised to find Jack at his desk when she arrived through the cog door. He was instantly on his feet and coming to greet her with a gentle hug and a good looking over.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?"

Tosh settled herself down at her terminal.

"Is it surprising Jack? I've seen the very worst of human kind, especially when I was in that prison..... It was terrible Jack, finding that room full of shoes and then a fridge with...... It was grotesque and somehow far more frightening. We were food to them, plain and simple. Perhaps that's the most disturbing part of it... I don't know I really don't."

Jack sat down in Gwen's chair. He didn't know either.

"Well, would you like something to do to keep your mind off things?"

Tosh nodded.

Jack looked past her at the coffee machine sitting on the worktop in Ianto's area of the Hub.

"We need to contact Ianto's family, he's in bad shape. I checked his file but found nothing and I am pretty sure he altered the records. Could you check please, just in case."

Tosh nodded. "How bad Jack? How bad is he?"

He couldn't meet her worried gaze. "Not good, bruises, fractures... the bleeding was a ruptured stomach ulcer that the doctor reckoned he'd had for a while."

Tosh felt her heart clench in her chest. "He saved me Jack. He saved my life, bought me my freedom."

This was news to him. "When, what happened?"

Tosh recounted the tale as she worked her keyboard. ".............. Here, I found it. Looks like he altered most of his personal details. He has a sister in Newport."

Jack got up from his seat and read the read the information from over Tosh's shoulder. It did not make for pleasant reading. Tosh just felt guilty delving into Ianto's past without his permission, but like Jack, she read anyway. After a few moments of heavy silence Jack moved away..... he'd had no idea.

"I'll ring his sister. Can you start on the folders pertaining to Suzie's glove research?"

Tosh nodded. "Of course. I'd like to pop over to the hospital and see him first, at least wait there until his family arrives."

Jack nodded, he knew that Tosh needed to be there for him, to say thank you.

"Just remember not to go into too much detail with his sister." Tosh nodded.

When Jack phoned Rhiannon Davies' number the call wasn't picked up, unbeknown to him they had set off that morning for a fortnight at the Costa Del Sol. Jack hung up and sank back into his chair, deep in thought and thoroughly dejected.

"Where the hell are you Doc, get me out of this."

Tosh picked up a text from Jack just as she walking into the hospital.

"No reply from Ianto's sister, will try again later. CJH."

Tosh sighed, wondering if Ianto ever even had anything to do with his family, judging from the unedited personnel file, she thought perhaps not. She sat quietly at the bedside too shocked at first to speak, his face so swollen and bruised it was barely recognisable. She paid no heed to the equipment keeping him alive, it served a function, like all machines, without it he would die. Tentatively she took his right hand and rubbed her thumb over the back of it. She didn't know what else to do.

Two days later and there was little change. Jack rang the hospital that morning to learn that Ianto had gone back into theatre to have his ribs wired; but his general condition remained unchanged. He put down the receiver, needing coffee and strangely needing the assurance that came with one of Ianto's rare faint smiles. The Hub felt untidy without him and even the dinosaur was cawing more often in his absence. Jack had watched her glide down a couple of times and settle on the gantry under the dragon painting, waiting. Tosh had come in early again and Gwen also had arrived before 8am, looking vaguely haunted, but otherwise she seemed fine. Owen strode in at 10am looking the cat with the cream as he greeted Gwen with a leery grin and Tosh a dismissive wave of his hand before he headed down to the autopsy bay to remove his coat. Gwen followed him down there a moment later and for the first time in what felt like weeks there was laughter. Jack's head shot up, it was such an unusual sound in the Hub and he paused listening to it. There was clearly a decent joke behind it and he caught sight of Tosh listening too, though her face looked far from amused. Jack decided to venture out of his office and after donning his coat he wandered down to the Hub.

"Ok guys we're gonna have a debrief in the boardroom just as soon as I get back with the coffees."


	7. Chapter 7

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART SEVEN**

They sat around the boardroom table, the syrofoam cups long abandoned and no one had much to say. Jack took a long look at each of his team members and only Tosh could meet his gaze.

"Right everyone, firstly are you all ok? I know Brecon was a bit of a....."

Owen snorted. "Yeah, no shit Sherlock."

Jack shot him a look that said 'shut up'. "Owen.... Physically is everyone ok?"

The medic nodded. "Yeah, we all check out."

Gwen and Tosh were both nodding in agreement. Jack splayed his hands flat on the glass top.

"I know that particular assignment could have gone better. I certainly should have handled it better and it totally failed to achieve what I was aiming for."

"Which was?" Gwen asked.

Jack felt his heart drop into his stomach, her wide eyed innocence was just breath taking and somehow she appeared sullied now and Jack couldn't work out why. Some of the vibrance had left her eyes maybe.

He hauled in a long breath. "The aim was to get Ianto integrated into the team a little better. We've all been treating him like an outsider since the Lisa fiasco..... maybe even before then. I deluded myself into thinking it would be a simple, safe case to bring him out on.... Won't be making that mistake again."

Owen leant back in his chair. "Bloody Tea Boy was useless anyway, he's got no business being out in the field."

To Jack's surprise Tosh shot him a filthy look. "IF it hadn't been for Ianto, I would be dead. He sacrificed himself for me, so don't you dare go calling him useless." Her voice was barely audible but Owen baulked none the less.

Jack raised his hands to silence Owen's retort. "Alright, please I do not want an argument. In view of the disastrous outcome of three days ago I am implementing operational changes. The first one being new locking mechanisms on the SUV. Tosh you and I will deal with that. Owen, everyone and I mean everyone is to have a full physical and psycological work up every month, with out fail, that includes blood tests, scans and any other damn diagnostic test you have in that pit of yours... no exceptions. Gwen, Owen will train you to run the said tests on him so that Owen doesn't miss out on all the fun. Thirdly, if Ianto actually survives he will be moved up to field ops status. He is NOT any one's fetch and carry man, I will be training him and Tosh you will begin training him on your computer systems, we know he has an aptitude for it, so lets make use of it." He paused a moment. "Any questions?"

"Why the status change Jack?" Gwen asked as Owen scowled.

Jack sighed. "Have any of you looked at him or spoken to him lately?"

There were guilty silences all round.

"I thought as much. Like I said, he's part of this team, it's about time we showed him that."

Gwen was nodding in agreement and Tosh just faintly smiled as Jack turned to face Owen.

"When Ianto gets back he's gonna need a thorough exam. Tosh is looking into the work that Suzie was doing on the glove, she was experimenting with Ianto, I need to be certain that there's no lasting injury." Owen nodded deciding that was the safest thing to do, he was highly doubtful that Ianto would be back anyway.

"Right boss, don't worry I'll get straight on to it. Do we know exactly what Suzie was doing?"

Tosh sighed unhappily. "From what I can make out so far... she was well the same as we were doing with the dead people. It's looks as though the glove was responding to him even though he wasn't dead. I'll want to go through everything and I am currently trying to track her deleted CCTV records. When I have something more concrete, I'll let you know."

Owen nodded.

"Thanks Tosh."

There was a thoughtful silence and then finally it was Owen who spoke, surprising them all. He looked extremely uncomfortable.

"I fucked up Jack. I should have checked him over. I thought he was ok, he told me he was ok."

Jack nodded trying to hide his surprise at the confession. "None of us were on top form Owen, we'll just put this behind us. Ianto has been lying for some time about his health, lets just be a little more vigilant and start looking out for one another a little more closely from now on." He was at a loss and hoped it was the right thing to say, there was enough guilt floating about the Hub as it was and Jack wanted it gone.

Everyone obediently nodded. "Ok, back to work. Tosh I'm gonna head over to the hospital and find out how Ianto is doing, call me if there's a problem."

Jack rose from his seat, in truth he needed a walk to get away from the others, his motives entirely selfish. He pulled on his coat and strode out of the board room leaving the rest of the team to stare at his back in his wake. Owen shook his head, thinking he'd got off lightly but he kept his mouth shut for once. Tosh was already heading back to her terminal and eventually Owen followed her.

"There's something you two aren't telling me, isn't there, about Ianto I mean."

Tosh blinked up at him and finally nodded. "I'll forward you a copy of Ianto's undoctored personnel file."

Owen baulked. "What?"

"Just read it Owen."

He nodded. "Right. I will, thanks Tosh." He backed away, Ianto was clearly a sensitive subject for her. Owen wondered if she'd been shagging him on the sly, Jack certainly had though probably not since the Cyber chic thing. He ambled back down to his domain to discover Gwen was waiting there for him.

"Why don't you show how some of this medical equipment works then." She suggested.

Owen leered at her. "Well PC Cooper, that could be fun."

The only difference Jack could see in Ianto was the appearance of more dressings from the operation that morning. The Welshman remained unconscious and didn't look like he was going to be coming out of it any time soon. Jack didn't hang about. He went for a walk instead and ended up sitting on a bench in Bute Park with a Starbucks coffee and a copy of The Guardian newspaper. He only half read the front page, taking occasional sips and feeling very sorry for himself. Somehow leading Torchwood3 had not been so straight forward recently, both Suzie and Ianto had betrayed him. His supposed leadership skills had been non existent ever since he found out about Lisa. That, if he were honest with himself was the heart of the matter. Ianto's betrayal sat like a brick in his stomach. Jack didn't understand it, didn't want to so he tried to ignore it.

And failed.

It wasn't that Ianto meant anything much to him. Jack just didn't like being made a fool of and Ianto had certainly done that. Jack hadn't taken the time to ask why though, so blinded by his anger and the sheer terror of facing another one of those things. He hadn't taken the time to think for one moment about the impact this had all had on Ianto himself. Jack wondered how many more times in his excessively long life he would face failure. Damn it, he just wanted to be fixed! To be dropped back into the 51st century to rejoin a world he understood and felt at home in. He had never felt so lonely in his life as he did now. Ianto had been lonely too. Jack understood that and for a brief moment fondly recalled what had transpired between them as a result, the memories were soured now of course. Jack glanced at his watch and heaving in a deep breath decided he needed to get back to the Hub at least to pretend that he was in charge if nothing else.


	8. Chapter 8

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 8**

Two weeks of misery was the only way to describe it. Something was massively pissing off the local weevils and it rained continuously for days on end and turned everything grey and damp. Jack's temper was short, Gwen and Owen were distracted and Tosh was quieter than ever. They just got on, one sewer trip after another with the added bonus of having to test out the new sedative sprays as well. During that time no one had seen fit to visit Ianto in hospital. Jack got a surprise when he discovered that Ianto had been discharged two days previously..... more accurately he had discharged himself, going home in borrowed clothes with a prescription and a taxi fare in hand. Jack was livid, demanding why he hadn't even been informed when the young man had regained consciousness. The nurse had replied that there was no one listed on his chart as a next of kin therefore they had no one to inform. Jack blustered out in a flap of coat tails and drove like a maniac to Ianto's excuse for a flat.

He was glad he had insisted on having spare keys from every one and discovered that none of them worked on Ianto's front door. The locks had been recently changed. Jack cursed spectacularly and hammered on the front door with his fist. The neighbour popped her head out and shot him a filthy look.

"Who are you?" She demanded in a thick local accent, the woman was not much older than Ianto himself, there was a toddler hanging on to her leg and she shooed it back inside. Jack softened his stance.

"I'm Jack, Ianto's boss. He's ill and not answering the door."

"He's also moved house. Left yesterday."

Jack gaped at her. "What? Do you know where he went?"

The woman shrugged. "No idea." She lied, turned away and slammed her door closed.

Jack had no idea what to do. He pulled out his phone and thought of ringing Tosh and then changed his mind. His phone rang and Jack took the call without even looking at the display.

It was Ianto.

"Hi, Jack. It's me I just realised I needed to let you know I've moved, I'll text you the address." He didn't sound very well.

"Are you ok, what the hell is going on, you should still be in hospital." He was stomping back to the SUV. "Tell me where you are, I am on my way to see you."

Ianto reluctantly complied.

Ten minutes later and the SUV was pulled up outside a small end terrace house in a much nicer part of Cardiff. Ianto was standing on the front step hands in the pockets of a grey hoodie. Jack hesitated at the garden gate taking in the gaunt, pale features. Ianto gestured him in.

Nothing had been unpacked and Ianto lead him through a long narrow and distinctly dark hallway into a kitchen at the back of the house. Ianto went straight to the coffee machine on the counter top and got it going. Jack just stood in the doorway and watched as Ianto moved somewhat gingerly through his task.

"I'm ok Jack, really. I was going mad in hospital, I hate those places." He said quietly.

Jack nodded. "Why didn't you call me?"

"My phone died. I had to get a new one this morning, same number though, the sim is alright. The old one must've got trashed when..... well in Brecon. Sorry about the moving thing. It was all sorted before we went away." He hesitated a moment suddenly realising Jack's silence. He turned and faced him.

Jack hitched a breath. "You look terrible."

"I've felt better. I've a stack of pills, am sposed to go on a diet and not drink alcohol, orange juice or coffee. How am I supposed to get by without coffee, it's all I have left!"

Jack let out a sigh. "Ianto you should have stayed in, you're not well enough to be on your own trying to do things, you must be in a lot of pain."

Ianto nodded and gestured to the kitchen table, a half dozen small boxes and bottles were arranged there. "Good drugs though."

"I want Owen to check you over."

Ianto snorted at that. "What, like he did last time? That'd be a waste of effort." A mug of coffee was passed to him and Ianto sat down in a chair without one of his own. Jack sat opposite him and an awkward silence fell between them until Ianto finally broke it.

"They tried to eat my leg Jack, did you know that? Like I was a piece of meat on a bone that you'd give to your dog......." His hands shook as they lay on the table top. "If that's to be my punishment then fine, but I'd rather not remember it.... I can't sleep. I want to, I'm so tired and I thought getting away from the noise and disturbance at the hospital would help me rest. Is Tosh ok Jack?"

The coffee was wonderful to taste and completely ruined by the exposed vulnerability of the young man who had made it.

"Tosh is fine. Do you want Retcon?"

Ianto sighed sinking down into the chair, looking diminished. "A small dose won't take, you need to wipe me totally.... I've already tried it. It was why I moved to this house.... no reminders you see. I thought I could make myself believe that Lisa died at Canary Wharf. I'm such an idiot. Is Tosh ok, really Jack? I mean that bloke touched her up and....... I saw she had bruises on her neck."

Jack could feel his heart swelling against his ribs. "Tosh is doing just fine, keeping busy. I've kept an eye on her."

"Good, she's...... she's a good woman."

"Yes, she is." Jack almost smiled at that. "Ianto, I will be sending Owen to see you. Who has been helping you move house, your neighbour....."

"Is the one who helped, well actually her girlfriend. It was only the last few things so I could get out of the house before the lease was up. They needed some cash, I needed some help. I can't do too much but I'm managing."

Jack didn't agree but decided not to comment. "What about food?"

Ianto arched his eyebrows. "You make it sound like you almost care."

Jack sighed. "Do you need anything?"

Ianto shook his head. "No. I preferred it when you were mad at me, this concern is just creepy."

"Don't be an ass Ianto. I'm not doing it out of the kindness of my heart."

"That's good to know."

Jack realised that there was almost a smile there. "Is my dinosaur ok?"

"You're dinosaur?"

"I feed her."

"Who pays for the food?"

Ianto shrugged. "The Crown, the last time I looked."

"Touche. The dinosaur is fine, though she definitely doesn't like Gwen feeding her."

Ianto couldn't blame her for that, he wouldn't want Gwen feeding him either. He failed to stifle yawn.

Jack got to his feet. "You're on indefinite sick leave, until Owen says you are fit enough to return to work. You will submit to his ministrations, that's an order and when you get back you're going to explain to me why you falsified your personnel records. We also need to determine if those experiments of Suzie's lead to your stomach ulcer, or anything else, for that matter."

Ianto nodded and got himself upright somewhat slowly and with a wince. "Yes, sir." He couldn't be bothered to argue.

"Ianto......" Jack was feeling nothing but exasperation now. "I am trying to help."

"I know that sir, you keep telling me that, save it for someone who deserves it."

"You think you don't?"

Ianto looked away.

Jack gave up. "Get yourself together Ianto and stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself. Your life is too bloody short, stop wasting it wallowing in this Lisa trip of yours, you're doing her memory a disservice."

When Ianto looked back at him there was water on his pale face. "I can't live without her Jack."

It was pitiful and Jack held back.

"You have to, you know the alternatives. If you really wanted to die, you would have never have made it back from Brecon. You have work to do, good work that can help others, focus on that if nothing else..... just stop being so......."

"Yes sir."

**AN: REALLY NOT SURE BOUT THIS ONE....**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:..... Don't hate me!**

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 9**

Ianto sighed at Jack's departing back and once he heard the front door slam closed, Jack was never subtle, he reached into the pocket of his jeans pulled out a lighter and a packet of fags. Coffee withdrawal was a bitch and be damned he wanted, needed something. He lit a cigarette and took a long drag, his ribs complaining bitterly about the deeply drawn breath. Ianto closed his eyes letting the nicotine do its work.

Ianto was rudely awoken the following morning, far too early to be healthy, by the sound of someone banging on his front door. Cursing and bleary eyed he crawled awkwardly into his clothes and trudged to the door. Jack was looking far too cheerful and Ianto glared at him through half lidded eyes.

"Get your arse in gear I'm taking you to the Hub for a medical."

There was no mistaking the order.

Jack surveyed the old T-shirt and track pants, slumped shoulders and almost two weeks of beard growth, funny he hadn't noticed that yesterday. It put years on the younger man and Jack longed to see him clean shaven, suited and walking tall, if quietly.

Ianto sighed heavily.

"I need shower, give me a few minutes."

Jack nodded and smiled, "Need a hand with that?"

"Fuck off , sir."

It was worth a try. Jack closed the door and went down to the kitchen as Ianto slowly made his way back up the narrow staircase. He was surprised to discover an empty cigarette packet on the dining table and a saucer-cum-ashtray, filled with spent fags and ash. There was an empty apple juice carton and Jack sniffed the half empty glass sitting next to it, checking for alcohol. He surveyed the dim kitchen, there were boxes still unpacked on the bench and Jack decided to investigate. He found cutlery, mugs and other kitchen items so he decided to set about unpacking them, finding cupboards that Ianto had obviously tried to clean out before using them. It had clearly been too much effort, the task abandoned early on. Jack left it, wondering why Ianto had seemingly had no one who bothered enough to help him. Jack had failed to make contact with the illusive sister.

Sometime later Ianto appeared, wet hair still dripping from the shower, in jeans in hoodie. He towelled at his hair as he entered the kitchen.

"When you've finish snooping......"

Jack straightened up and grinned. "You'll need some help with all this."

Ianto shook his head. "No I won't. It'll just wait until I am well enough to do it."

He still needed a shave, he still needed that humorous sparkle back in those beautiful, soulful blues.

"You ready?"

Ianto picked up his phone, keys and wallet.

"Yes, sir. Though I might I suggest driving within the speed limit. I'm still feeling a bit fragile."

Jack gawped for a moment and then laughed heartily, genuinely, leaving Ianto wondering what he had just said.

It was awkward getting into the SUV, mainly because his ribs hurt and his muscles were still protesting from the beating of two weeks ago. His stomach complained about the motion and Ianto realised he probably should have eaten something before setting off. He settled his head back as Jack drove slowly and considerately. Jack decided to dive in with a question that had been foremost on his mind.

"Can we talk about your personnel folder?"

"You're asking?"

"Yes, I am asking. The incident at school.....with Liam..... can you tell me about it?"

Ianto want didn't to, he really didn't, but something in Jack's tone told him he should. They had trust issues and Ianto realised he needed to trust if not like, trust was more important right now.

"He was my best friend. We both had..... issues at home and at school. Liam and I were opposites really. He was tall and tough and nobody messed with him, I was small and weak and..... not well liked. I was bullied a lot because I was the smart kid in the class and..... I didn't have any street cred. Liam and I were always friends though. I used to help him with his homework because his reading was rubbish. His dad was in the army and he wanted to join up when he left school, but he also wanted to get his GCSEs too, so I used to help as best as I could."

It took Ianto a moment to realise that Jack had pulled the SUV over to the side of the road not far from the entrance to the Hub garage. Jack was watching him intently and Ianto's hand went to his own face, it was wet. He stared at the tears on his fingertips for a moment, stunned.

"Go on." Jack coaxed softly.

"One day after school, some kids had surrounded me and started calling me queer and then saying that I was...... with Liam..... I was 12 Jack..... I didn't understand some of the things they were saying. Then one of them started shoving me and I ended up on my arse on the floor. Next thing I know Liam is standing there, right over me, shielding me. There was a lot of shouting and the boy that pushed me... he and Liam began to fight. Then the kid got a knife and stabbed him, three times, but the moment I saw the knife I got up and lunged at him to get him off Liam. He got me in the arm and shoved me off then he and the other kids ran away and left us there. When I looked at Liam he lying on his back, his whole shirt was red and he was crying. I'd never seem him cry over anything before. I started screaming for someone to help and then I sat with Liam In my arms I had my hand on his chest trying to stop the blood and he was looking up me and smiling and then he died......." Ianto chewed at his lip and the tears rolled over his white face and disappeared into this beard. Jack grasped his hand.

"What happened after that?"

Ianto shrugged. "The usual, the police, counsellors, social services. The boy who did it was let out of prison after a five year sentence. Nine months ago when I came back to Cardiff with Lisa, I found him, quite by accident, and put a bullet in his head, his body is in the bay"

Jack closed his eyes. "Jesus Ianto."


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: This just gets harder to write... I love how some of how really don't agree with me about what Ianto did... thank you for such wonderul, insightful and thought provoking reviews.... You guys have been fantastic! One day I will write a happy story!!!!!**

**I believe Ianto is capable of anything when given the right pressures or motivations... here's me justifying what I have done.**

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 10**

Jack was truly lost for words and Ianto shrunk back into the seat.

"I was livid Jack, Canary Wharf had happened only a week before and Lisa was..... she was.... and so many people had died and everyone was lying about what happened.I'd lost everything. I was just blinded with rage when I saw him."

Jack shifted slightly and restarted the engine. "We'll talk about this after Owen's checked you over." A wall came down between them. Ianto wiped at his face and said nothing feeling rotten to the core. The early morning dose of painkillers starting to wear off.

"You are one fucked up son of a bitch, you know that don't you?"

"Go to hell." It was half hearted at best.

Owen said very little throughout the exam, except asking relevant questions. Ianto kept his responses as monosyllabic as possible, though he winced when Owen examined his abdomen and the two surgical incisions, both sets of staples had been removed the day Ianto had discharged himself from the hospital. The final thing Owen looked at was the bit injury to Ianto's leg. He pulled away the dressing expecting to find a pussed up mess, but the wound was clean and well tended. Ianto watched as Owen re-dressed it.

"Will that scar?"

Owen was startled by the question as he peeled off his latex gloves and picked up his chart to write in it.

"Yeah, most likely. Who has been looking after it?"

"I have, I just keep taking the tablets and changing the dressing."

"How are you feeling in general?"

Ianto shrugged. "I'm sore, I can't do much and my stomach feels like it's full of rats, but I was told it would for a while."

"You're a twat, why didn't you call me or something? You should have not have removed yourself from hospital."

Ianto snorted. "What do you care?"

Owen dropped the chart and rounded on him. "Actually, personally I don't give a shit, you're a whining, miserable git, who betrayed our trust, but I am your doctor and much as I dislike the idea it is my job to keep you well. So stop pissing about. You keep taking the tablets the doctors discharged you with and stick to the diet and you bloody well see me again at the end of the week, am I clear?"

Ianto flinched back, he'd never seen Owen quite so mad. "Yes, crystal."

"Good now piss off and make me some coffee."

Ianto sidled off the exam couch. "I.... er. Right." He left the autopsy bay a little stunned, cautiously mounting the stairs only to face Tosh who was waiting at the top, having heard Owen yelling. She offered a concerned smile and Ianto forced one back.

"Are you ok Ianto?"

"I'm fine. Owen wants coffee, what's new?"

Tosh gently rubbed his arm with her fingertips. "I'll help if you like."

Ianto sighed, grateful because he wouldn't mange working the big coffee machine with his ribs aching as they were; he thought he probably should have just stayed in bed, not that Jack would have let him get away with that. Tosh was fussing in her shy way, clearly annoyed at Owen about something other than his treatment of Ianto. Ianto realised it had something to do with Gwen when the woman stepped in through the cog door and Tosh barely acknowledged her. Ianto wondered what he had missed, but realised it wasn't hard to guess. Gwen greeted him with a welcoming hug, that made Ianto freeze as he tried to tolerate the gesture.

"Oh Ianto, welcome back, how are you feeling?"

To his surprise she seemed genuinely interested. He smiled hesitantly. "I'm ok thanks. Owen's a bit cross with me for letting myself out of hospital."

Gwen cooed with understanding. "He's quite right, you shouldn't be at work."

"Oh, no I'm not.... Jack just brought me in for a check up. I'm going back home just as soon as I've........"

"Ianto my office!" It was Jack bellowing from the gantry.

"...... finished being bollocked by Jack." He added the smile fading away.

Gwen petted his arm. "Don't worry love. It's just good to see you on your feet." She went straight down to the autopsy bay and Tosh and Ianto both rolled their eyes at the same time.....

xx

As soon as Ianto was settled on Owen's exam couch Jack scuttled up to his office and shut the door. Ianto's revelation had shocked him and he found that he really didn't know what to do about it. He went to his desk and sat down burying his face in his hands for a moment. In years gone by Jack knew he would have done the same thing, he'd killed for far less in the past. The trouble was yet another layer of Ianto Jones had been revealed to him, one he hadn't expected ever to see. He knew the feelings were there, the deep loyalty and the lengths he had gone to for Lisa, the trauma of losing Liam at such an early age...... Canary Wharf. Jack wondered what horrors Ianto had witnessed there, but it wasn't difficult to guess, though perhaps harder to imagine. Something had clearly snapped when Ianto murdered Liam's killer. Jack understood that, but not in Ianto. He'd already made the decision not to discuss this with the rest of the team. Ianto didn't need that, Torchwood certainly didn't. Jack needed his team back, whole and cohesive and at every turn he seemed to be failing in making it happen. The same thought kept rolling around in his mind, did he care enough to make it happen? He glanced out of his window to see Tosh working at her terminal and every so often she'd glance in the direction of the autopsy bay whether for Owen or Ianto, Jack did not know. He hoped it was for Ianto, but he doubted it. Owen had no interest in her. Tosh's inner fire and passion was almost always directed at some piece of new tech, something she could fix or build, something that wouldn't hurt her feelings or dismiss her. Jack sighed with frustration, he could see them all falling apart.

He wasn't sure how long he had been watching, but he heard Owen's raised voice and saw Tosh rise from her seat to investigate. Ianto came up from the autopsy bay and then Gwen arrived all cheery and refreshing, like a tonic. Ianto obviously did not enjoy being hugged.

Jack went to his office door and opened it. He yelled.

"Ianto, my office!"

Jack stalked back to his seat, plonked himself down and waited. A moment later and Ianto was there, tapping on the door frame.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" He kept his tone mild and neutral and Jack appreciated it. He gestured.

"Close the door and sit."

Ianto did as he was asked, his movements still awkward with discomfort. Jack picked up a pen almost tempted to chew on it, he put it back down and folded his arms across his chest.

"What the hell am I going to do with you?"

Ianto shrugged.

"Why did you tell me about Liam?"

"You asked."

Jack scrubbed his hands over his face. "Yes... yes... I meant about his murderer."

Oh, that. Ianto looked down at his hands and then braced himself to look directly into Jack's face.

"I'm tired of secrets Jack. I am tired of feeling tired. I want you to trust me."

"I should hand you over to the police."

Ianto nodded at the statement of fact, recognising that it wasn't meant as a threat.

"I could do more good here, prison would be wasteful."

Jack couldn't argue the point. "So why did you tell me? Is this some way of you telling me that you're going to kill me one day because of Lisa?"

Ianto baulked. "What?"

"Well?"

"No.... sir. No not that. I hate what you did, part of me hates you for doing it, but it wasn't Lisa. You shot Annie with Lisa's brain in her head and it was all wrong, that whole bloody night was just so fucked up." Ianto sank his face into his shaking hands not wanting to go over all that again. "I need to know that I can trust you."

Jack leant forward across his desk. "And you think that me keeping your dirty secret is the way to do it?" He hissed angrily.

It was going the wrong way again. "No Jack. Not in that way. If you want to ring the police, then fine... do it. Lets face it I have nothing to lose. I was just trying to be honest with you, make a start. Clearly I misjudged that." Ianto's left hand went to his gut and hissed with pain paling visibly. "Shit."

Jack shot up and came round the desk. "You ok?"

It took a moment. "Yep, really. No.... I feel like shit."

Jack sighed and went and fetched Ianto a glass of water from the jug next to his whiskey decanter. He pressed the glass into Ianto's hand. Ianto sipped cautiously because his stomach needed caution.

"Thanks."

Jack sat back down. "How did the medical go?"

Ianto took another sip of water before replying. "Owen seemed pleased, if a little pissed at me. He told me to rest and follow the instructions from the hospital and I have to see him again on Friday."

"Make sure you do."

Ianto nodded and then a silence settled between them as Jack watched the younger man intently and Ianto watched him back.

"You have a long way to go Ianto, before we can start trusting each other."

"I know that."

They were quiet again until Ianto finished the glass of water and put the empty cut crystal on the desk.

"What are you waiting for Jack?"

The question startled him and Jack frowned. "I don't understand."

Ianto picked at his fingers for a moment. "You behave like you're waiting for something, like you're only half here. One minute you care, the next you dismiss, as if you're not sure."

Jack had to smile. "No one could ever accuse you of being unobservant." He then checked himself, maybe he shouldn't have said that. "Believe me I care, more than I want to." He added.

Ianto didn't look convinced and recognised the deflection. He gazed out of the window. Tosh was back at her station.

"Is Tosh alright, she seemed, a little sad."

Jack was eternally grateful for the change of subject.

"Owen's being a dick."

"You mean Gwen?"

Jack nodded.

"I thought she had a boyfriend?"

"Since when did that make a difference?"

"It would to me." Ianto replied without thinking. He dipped his head. "Was there anything else sir? I'm tired I'd like to go home."

Jack lunged to his feet and grabbed his greatcoat. "I'll drive you back, I have an errand to take care of anyway."

Ianto wondered if he really did. "Thank you, sir."

Jack nodded. "One day you'll drop the, sir, though you have no idea how sexy that is."

Ianto rolled his eyes and a faint smile graced his pale features and Jack was privately delighted to see it no matter how much crap there was between them.

**AN: I hope this is working I am not sure it is.... still fun though!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 11**

_Well, Owen's right about one thing. I am a twat. God Mam how do I tell you about this crap? Three weeks ago some bastards tried to gnaw my leg off. I feel like my world has imploded since Lisa and it's like having your left foot hanging over an abyss. I thought things couldn't get any worse after the Wharf, after losing Lisa. Ok maybe it's not that bad, but the relentless badness just keeps coming at me. I'm so angry and I wanted to take that out on Jack, but really it's not him, it's me. There's nothing left of me to give anymore._

_I told Jack about.... Liam's murderer, I can't even bring myself to write his name. I know I was wrong mam, what I did, but I don't regret it. The only other person who knows is Liam's dad and he patted me on the back and said thanks, helped me get rid of the body. He knows what the loss is like. It's like when you died and Tad just fell apart without you._

_There's so much death Mam, all around me. I feel like it follows me sometimes, like a disease. Is that stupid? To feel that?_

_I know I have to stay in Cardiff. I know I have a price to pay Mam, and I will. You and Tad always knew the difference between right wrong. I try to hold onto that. The lines get blurred too easily. Everything I love dies. Best not to get attached really. I think I can do that now. I'll make up for it mam, try to be a better person. I want you to be proud of me and I've done nothing so far to make you feel that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for so much._

Ianto closed the book and shoved it into the cabinet beside his bed. He carefully settled down onto his back and closed his eyes, too tired and sore to bother with the effort of undressing. The painkillers did their work and blackness took him into deep and peaceful sleep.

xx

Jack stomped back into his office and shucked off his coat, shivering with cold. The journey back from Flat Holm had been rough and left him feeling queasy. He hated going there, but he had promised himself that he would try to do better for the poor unfortunates who became victims to the whim of the Rift. What else could he do? Jack knew it wasn't enough, but it was the best he could do and certainly more than anyone else before him had bothered to try. He needed help, well more accurately Helen needed the help. He went straight to the scotch and slugged half a glass down in an effort to collect himself. Gwen strode into his office, making him jump and he almost lost his grip on the glass.

"Jeez Gwen, what is it?" He demanded swinging round and plonking himself down in his chair.

She was holding up a sheet of paper and Jack was immediately distracted by her low cut top and butt hugging jeans.

"Something's been dug up on a building site, the police are on sight but their SOCOs decided it was for us." Her eyes met his and Jack just felt the urge to grab her and fuck her where she stood. She clearly had similar thoughts and she licked her lips in anticipation. Jack closed his eyes and shook his head as if to clear it.

"Right, ok then... lets go check it out." He exhaled sharply. "Get the gear together I'll be there in a minute." He picked up his phone to make a point and Gwen nodded making a quick exit. Jack watched her backside all the way, wondering why the hell she was shagging Owen and not him. Shit. He dialled Ianto's phone number and was gratified to have the Welshman answer straight away.

"Ianto."

"Sir."

"Are you gonna be at home tonight?" Jack cringed, thinking he sounded like a nervous teenager.

"Yes, why?"

"I'll be round at seven, have coffee, I will bring take outs."

Ianto was obviously frowning as he spoke. "Oh.... er ok. No curry though, my stomach can't deal with it right now."

"Pizza?"

"Yes, that's fine."

Jack was smiling he realised and immediately stopped as if caught out. "Right, good. See you then." He hung up.

Ianto gaped at his phone. Eventually he put it down and went back to the task of scrambled eggs on toast worry gnawing at him. He knew he would worry all day now. He sipped at his diluted apple juice as he stirred the contents of the pan and felt grateful for the fact that barring his stomach, he was starting to feel a little better. The bruises had mostly disappeared though his ribs on the lift side were very painful when he tried to move about. Ianto tried to best to ignore it because he was never one for sitting idle. Unpacking boxes one handed was a torturous affair and some things were still too heavy or too awkward for him to lift.

The new house, well new to him needed serious redecoration so after finishing his meal he sat with the phone directory and rang for quotes from local painters and decorators and made arrangements for two to come and look at the house. He wanted to lift the darkness and maybe living in a nice space would help that. The money to do it was certainly available to him and his massive compensation payment from the Crown had outright paid for the house with cash to spare. Ianto didn't not understand the reasoning behind the need to suddenly move forward and get on. Maybe it had been what Jack had told him, perhaps now that he was free of caring for Lisa and released from the stress and fear. There was a chasm inside him where that stress used to be and it needed to be filled. Work would do, when he was back on his feet and in the time he'd make this house habitable and at least vaguely pleasant to come back to each night.

Fresh start, maybe that's all it was.

7pm came as quite a surprise as Ianto was wrenched from his napping on the couch by the banging on his front door. He got up feeling stiff and unyielding and almost pitched over when he stubbed his toe on the foot of the couch. Jack was there, pizza boxes in hand, thankfully from Pizza Express and not Jubilee. Ianto wondered if that was deliberate but didn't ask as he gestured Jack into the house.

They sat at the kitchen table, boxes open between them and Jack savoured the coffee with a look of bliss on his face.

"Oh, that's wonderful."

Ianto smiled. "Well, it's nice to know that your motives for visiting me are purely to satisfy your appetite for my coffee."

Jack lowered the mug, watching as Ianto delicately nibbled on a slice of vegetarian, it was almost feminine in its gesture and he frowned at the younger man. Ianto seemed to understand.

"My stomach... well chewed small amounts."

"Is it getting better?"

Ianto shrugged which made his ribs ache. "I spose. The doc and Owen both said it would take a while and if I didn't want to have another.... well like last time, I have to be careful. This is me probably being too careful, the gut ache isn't nice believe me."

Jack nodded and shovelled half a slice of meat feast in for good measure. Ianto just shook his head and wrinkled his nose in mild disgust.

"May I speak candidly, sir?"

Jack nodded again.

"Why are you here?"

Jack swallowed and grinned. "What, don't you like having a visitor?"

Ianto rolled his eyes.

"Ok. I'm here because two days ago you told me a secret, which was clearly an effort on your part to see if I can be trusted, so now it's my turn, only I didn't want to discuss it at the Hub...... I need your help."

Ianto put down his half eaten slice of pizza in exchange for his glass of water. "What for?"

"I have a facility out at Flat Holm Island. It's like a hospital for Rift victims....."

Ianto arched his eyebrows. "Aliens?"

Jack shook his head. "No, people.... from Earth. The Rift works two ways Ianto. Sometimes it takes people, objects and then very occasionally it dumps them back."

Ianto took the revelation in his stride, as Jack thought he would.

"Makes sense but....."

"They come back pretty changed..... damaged, unrecognisable sometimes and always out of their time. Flat Holm is a safe haven. They can't be let back into society for a whole number of reasons and before I took over they were just kept in the vaults in the Hub, pretty much uncared for." Jack downed more coffee as if to fortify himself. "It's terrible Ianto, what some of them go through, but at least there they are safe from the world, from UNIT.... you know the drill."

Ianto did, only too well. "The others don't know."

Jack nodded. "It's a problem that cannot be fixed. It's not safe to let them out into the world, half of them come from before the 16th Century a couple from the future. You see where I am going with this."

"You want me.... to do what?"

"Take over the administration, supply orders, wage paying.... just the stuff that takes time. You don't have to go out there or anything...."

Ianto sighed at the look of bewilderment on Jack's face. It was disconcerting to see it there.

"Is it that bad?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah."

"Alright. I'll help you and when I am feeling a little fitter I shall go out there and see for myself, maybe I can help in other ways. I take it the finances are separate from Torchwood?"

Jack nodded. "A bogus company, the usual stuff."

Ianto started back on his pizza. "Was there anything else?"

Jack shaking himself slightly picked up another slice too. "Yep, we have a new artefact I'd like you to go through the archive database tomorrow and see if there's a match. I have a hunch about it but .... well, I figured a bit of typing wouldn't be too bad for you. Owen said it'd be ok."

"Bastard." Ianto murmured into his food. The grin was back on Jack's face and Ianto surprised himself by being pleased to see it there. "Yes, of course, sir."

"Jack."

"What?"

"It's Jack. Whats with the 'sir' thing anyway?"

Ianto didn't really know, habit he supposed. "You're my boss."

"Yeah. So call me Jack. Sir is so.... submissive."

Ianto didn't fail to notice the innuendo and shook his head. "Eat your pizza, sir."

Jack obligued and then gazed into his empty coffee cup. Ianto got the hint.

**AN: I REALLY WANTED TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD A BIT... COULD BE COMPLETELY WRONG OF COURSE.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 12**

It was almost mid night when Jack left Ianto's house. With his hands shoved deep into his pockets he marched head down in the direction of Cardiff City Centre and a decent lay. He had misgivings about telling Ianto of Flat Holm, but he realised that both of them had had to start from somewhere to try and at least build some semblance of a working relationship. Jack didn't trust him, the man was a self confessed murderer, but Jack had trusted his motives for the act, and understood that the trauma of Canary Wharf would have no doubt played a part in Ianto's choices. The younger had nothing left and that was something that Jack found somewhat disturbing. Ianto was too young to believe he had nothing. Jack strolled across the road startling an urban fox from a dustbin and it shot across his path with silent grace, barely affording him a glance. Jack paused and watched it disappear over a garden fence. He'd be watching Ianto like a hawk, he had been since Lisa, not that it had done the Welshman much good and Jack realised he should have spotted that something had been wrong with the boy since the day they first met. Jack forced himself to dismiss his past slackness, focus on the now and the fact that he had to notify Helen about the new arrangement. Part of him was relieved, he needed the pressure taken off, there were too many other things he needed to do, like refining the software being used to scan for signs of the TARDIS and freedom. He ached for the Doctor, he wanted answers and seeing Rose Tyler again wouldn't go amiss either. He found himself on Hazel's door step and he was gratified to see that her lights were still on.

Ianto locked his front door at Jack's back and ambled back to his kitchen to get another glass of water and take his night time medication. His stomach grizzled, perhaps the pizza hadn't been quite such a smart move, never mind. Ten minutes later and he was tucked up in bed feeling strangely comforted by the events of the evening, at least now he had something to do that was more challenging than cleaning out the SUV and making coffee. He tossed and turned the entire night, his stomach griping painfully and by morning Ianto was feeling thoroughly miserable. He showered and dressed in a suit that was just a little big for him now and decided on getting a taxi into the Hub because he didn't think he could cope with driving. It was just after 9am when he arrived at the tourist office and he let himself into the warmth because the day was shaping up to be bright but chilly according to BBC Radio Wales. The first thing Ianto did was go and look for Owen and he discovered him examining a rotten looking skeleton on the metal autopsy table.

"Looks like the diet didn't do her much good then." He quipped as he stood on the upper level looking down. Owen looked up and actually grinned at him.

"Blimey mate you look like shit."

Ianto couldn't think of a response to that so he tried an honest one.

"Rough night. My stomach. I was wondering if you'd mind checking." He asked slightly hesitant, waiting for the sarcastic barb that never came. Owen gestured.

"Yeah, of course come down."

Ianto perched himself on a stool eying the remains from the corner of his vision as Owen got busy with his Bekaran scanner.

"Have you had any vomiting?"

Ianto shook his head. "My gut just feels acidic and I can taste bile at the back of my throat."

Owen nodded. "What did you eat last night?"

"Pizza."

The scanner was plonked down. "No bloody wonder. Stick to the diet. Have you been taking the meds?"

Ianto nodded. "Yep."

Owen looked at him closely. "Honestly?"

Ianto's shoulders sagged a little. "Yes Owen, I promise I have been taking the meds as per instructions. I've not been doing anything strenuous and I have been trying to rest."

Owen was now looking at the scanned images on his computer screen and whistling. Finally he stepped back and folded his arms across his chest. "Right. I've got a mate at St Helen's, he runs a private gastro clinic I'll ring him and get you an appointment for tomorrow. Your scan is ok, but I think the medication needs reviewing, stomachs are not my thing but I want this looked at quickly. I'll let you know the time a bit later today. How's everything else?"

"I think things are ok. I still ache a bit and the ribs are sore but it's getting easier."

"Good." At that Owen waved him away. "Go and make some coffee then."

Ianto rolled his eyes, it was as good a welcome as he was likely to get from his acerbic colleague. He climbed the steps and noticed Jack leaning over the scanning bench in Suzie's old work area, a spiky metal object lay there, holding Jack's attention. Ianto rubbed at his stomach as he wandered in the direction of his coffee machine. Oh he'd love a coffee right now. He made the drinks with Gwen's assistance with filling the water filter for the coffee machine. Gwen was as cheerful as ever and Owen was as dismissive as ever. Jack startled him by flirting outrageously and Tosh nodded her thanks mutely. Ianto offered up a small smile, she looked like she needed it and he wondered where she'd got the pretty necklace from. His guts did nothing but protest as he sat at his computer and Ianto found himself wiping at a sweaty brow and thinking he was probably feeling worse than he actually was. The pain consumed him all morning as he worked and by the end of it every inch of him was aching. He abandoned his terminal and went to talk to Jack, explaining that the research he'd been asked to do had drawn up nothing of note and could he go home please. Jack took one look at him and offered him a lift. Later that afternoon as he lay tucked in bed a text came from Owen, advising him of a 10:10 appointment at the gastro clinic, Ianto set his alarm.

**AN: THIS IS JUST A LINKING CHAPTER...THIS IS SO HARD TO WRITE, SO ONCE AGAIN THE DIVERSE RANGE OF COMMENTS HAS BEEN BRILLIANT...THANK YOU VERY MUCH.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 13**

Ianto realised as he got older his dislike of all things medical intensified. He was very relieved to leave the consulting room with a different prescription and hoped he'd never have to go back there again, but of course he would, in three weeks time. He walked to the pharmacy to get the new tablets and then got in a cab and went to the Hub. He stepped through the roller doors to the sounds of Gwen's laughter and Ianto somehow felt a little warmer for it, until his saw Tosh's face. Ianto frowned and was about to greet her when Owen bellowed.

"Oi Tea Boy, get down 'ere."

Ianto hesitated for a moment and rolled his eyes and realised that Gwen had seen him do it and she offered up a sympathetic smile. Without thinking he almost managed a smile back and then headed off towards Owen's pit.

Owen was looking up at him expectantly as Ianto leaned on the rail on the upper level. Ianto gazed down at him with an impassive look on his face.

"Well?"

Ianto's eyebrow quirked. "Yes, thank you."

"Tosser, what did Mike say?"

Ianto held up his prescription bag. "More medicine, new diet, no alcohol, no coffee.... bastard, and go back in three weeks. He reckoned the other tablets weren't quite right and he sends his regards you miserable Cockney Git."

Owen seemed pleased. "Good, go away and make coffee then."

"Yes, oh lord and master."

"Oi, enough of the back chat Tea Boy."

"Actually it's Coffee King." He swung away and decided to sort coffees for the team. Gwen had seemingly pre-empted him because she was filling up the water filter for him when he arrived at the coffee maker.

"Thanks Gwen."

"You're welcome pet. How are you feeling?"

Ianto wondered why she was so cheerful. "A little better, thank you. You?"

Gwen was grinning as she reached into the dishwasher for the clean mugs. She passed them one at a time to Ianto who arranged them on the tray.

"I'm alright thanks." She said brightly. "Jack's got me doing some police liason stuff so we can get a procedure in place if they come across any weevils before we do..... don't know why really, we always end up Retconning them anyway."

Ianto wondered the same thing. "Maybe he's trying to change that? I mean having you here helps our relations with them."

"Uhmmm, maybe. Right I will leave you to it, mug passing I can do, coffee magic is definitely your domain." She sauntered off and settled herself at her desk.

A few minutes later and Ianto was tapping on Jack's office door, he entered quietly as soon as he realised that Jack was on the phone, it wasn't difficult to miss because Jack was bellowing loudly at some poor sod. Ianto suspected that it was either UNIT or the Minister for Defence, or possibly Frobisher. Jack would most likely be pissy for the rest of the day now. Ianto deposited the mug of coffee and backed out of the room but Jack waved at him to stay where he was. A few expletives followed and Jack slammed down the receiver in annoyance and made a grab for his mug. Ianto was amazed he didn't spill any of it in his haste. A noisy slurp followed.

"Ahhh wonderful, you're a saviour."

Ianto sighed somewhat jealous of the fact that he couldn't have any himself. Jack gestured for him to sit and Ianto complied, straightening out his suit as he did so. Jack admired the view from over the rim of his mug.

"May I ask who you were verbally abusing?"

Jack flashed a grin. "That weirdo, Saxon. He's such a smary git."

Ianto couldn't agree more. "You wanted to talk to me, sir?"

Jack could have sworn there was the faintest hint of flirtation in that last single syllable.

"Er, yes. I spoke to Tosh this morning, she's pretty sure whatever it was Suzie was doing with you and the glove was pretty harmless and Owen's medical conclusions seem to agree with her findings."

Ianto nodded remarkably unaffected by the news. "That's good then." He turned his face to look out of the window as a thought occur to him.

"Is Tosh alright sir? She seems.... well quiet. I...well I just wondered."

Jack followed his gaze. "Two words.... Owen and Gwen."

Oh. "Actually that's three words, sir."

Jack hitched another grin. "Did you see Owen's Doc?"

Ianto nodded. "Yes, everything is fine, just new pills and go back in a few weeks."

"And?"

Ianto looked at him for a moment and frowned. "And?"

"Was that it?"

"Pretty much. Owen says I have to stay on light duties for another three weeks." It took Ianto a moment to cotton on. "Really, sir. I'm ok, the drugs make me sleep, so I don't dream. I'm getting the rest I've been ordered to get and I promised Owen I would be a good tea boy and see him if.... well. I'm down sir, but not out...... Was there anything else?"

Jack sipped more of his coffee. "I've put all of the Flat Holm stuff aside for you to go over. It's in your safe in the tourist office, just make sure the others don't see it."

Ianto nodded. "Of course, sir."

"I also want you to take on some of Tosh's Ebay cases, talk to her she'll fill you in."

"Right. So have you had any luck identifying that thing on the table?"

Jack's mind wandered back to the spiky object he'd been looking at over the last 36 hours. "Not sure yet." He responded evasively.

Ianto rose to his feet. "Right then, I best get on."

"Yep, me too."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Hey Mam, You know I honestly thought that Jack's meaness toward me over Lisa.... well I thought it was personal, you know because I'd slept with him. Turns out he isn't past killing anything that threatens his turf. Poor Tosh, I know just how she feels right now and yet here I am telling you instead of trying to comfort her. I guess I am grateful in my own wholly selfish way, Jack will clearly stop at nothing to protect Earth and whilst Mary was quite obviously a serial murderer anyway..... It's just Tosh she's had it rough with Owen and Gwen carrying on and of course its their choice, but Tosh is too good for Owen anyway...God I sound like an episode of Eastenders Mam._

_I'm feeling better, my stomach is still sore and I still ache from Brecon, but I do feel ...... like I am not so..... I don't know the words. I will never get over Lisa and never forgive myself for what happened to Annie and Dr Tanazaki, I guess I just have to accept that and try to get on._

_Jack's entrusted me with some task at work which I suppose makes me feel like he is trying on his behalf. I know we don't trust one another, we likely never will but at least if we can work together then that is good enough for me, for now at least._

_I should really ring Tosh, I know we're not close but I know when I needed a friend I didn't have one and Tosh was the first one of the gang to start talking to me again. I just don't like the idea of her feeling as lonely as I do._

_Love you mam._

The diary was closed up and Jack heaved out a sigh. He knew full well that he should not be looking into Ianto's life quite so deeply, but he had found the thing locked in a draw in the tourist office and it proved just too irresistible to turn his back away from it. He'd had no idea that Ianto kept a journal. Jack wasn't in the habit of snooping around the lives of his team but with Suzie's breakdown, Ianto's betrayal and Tosh's..... Jack tried to find a word. He had decided to inspect the contents of everyone's lockers and desks and anywhere else where they may be hiding things from him. Ultimately Toshiko had made the right choice, crushing the power of telepathy under her boot, he had to admire her for seeing it for the curse it really was. The book in his hands burned at his finger tips, in truth he wanted to read more, despite the intrusion. Ianto was such an intensely private person, who rarely spoke unless it was to answer an order or spurt out some witticism in response to Owen's snideyness. Ianto, in many ways was a blank canvas, a white wall of carefully masked pain and misery most of the time. Part of Jack didn't much care, but in truth he'd shared the man's bed in the past and that, in his view, gave him some degree of entitlement to those feelings. Sex with Ianto had been a wonderful contrast to the usual hard and fast he had become used to from his casual partners. Ianto had been neither of those things, just gentle, tactile and never in a hurry. In truth Jack suspected it had more to do with keeping the nightmares at bay, not that he had minded, sex was as good a way as any to do that...... The diary was opened again..... pages skimmed until Jack found what he was looking for.

_Mam, I've done something terrible........._

Jack baulked.

_You'd be ashamed of me Mam, but I was just so desperate to be held. It had been a terrible day and Lisa had been in so much pain, and she barely registered that I was there. I'm so tired, I'm so tired Mam and I feel as if I am falling and I know I am failing. Have failed._

_I had sex with Jack, yes Mam, the boss, and Lisa's lying there in that cage and here was me fucking Jack. What kind of a person does make me?_

_I needed it so much....... Just to be held with some degree of compassion. It's not about sex Mam, you can get that anywhere. It was just, I almost felt as if he cared enough to notice on some level that I felt like shit and Jack offered up comfort in the only way he knows how. I didn't even consider the weirdness of sleeping with a man, I just fell into him and it felt so bloody good. It's been so long, feels like forever. He is so beautiful and he knows it, but it's more than that, I think underneath that brash shell is someone who genuinely cares. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but it didn't feel like a fast fuck that you'd reserve for your average one nighter. Yes Mam I've done a few of those in my time, don't be shocked, though never before when I've been in a relationship.... But it made me realise that he is just as lonely as I am. I wonder at that, he could have anyone and yet he is alone. I felt something the day we caught Myfanwy. Am I wrong Mam? I hope Lisa will forgive me._

_It's a beautiful night Mam, you'd love the stars..... all my life I have missed you and I want you back. I wish I could feel your arms around me, just once more.... Good night._

Jack really didn't know what to make of it, but one thing he was certain of, he would be more than content with the prospect of revisiting the arrangement he'd had with the younger man. He didn't like the somewhat accurate assessment of his own feelings though. Once again Jack closed the battered book and this time he returned it to the draw and relocked it. He clicked off the desk lamp and headed back to his bunk for a nap before the others got in.

**AN: I HAVE NO IDEA IF THIS IS THE RIGHT ROUTE TO TAKE, THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT FAN FIC.... SO MANY POSSIBILITIES AND I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME EXPERIMENTING ON YOU.....**

**ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE FEED BACK. SORRY ABOUT THE POSTING DELAY.... UNI WORK.... SORE BACK AND GRUMPY DOG.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 14**

To his eternal shame, Ianto got as far as Tosh's front door before he bottled out and ran back to the shelter of his house. He just couldn't face someone else's pain on top of his own. When he got home he remembered he'd left his diary locked up in the drawer under the little desk he had at the back of the tourism office. He leant against the kitchen counter top and sighed unhappily. What kind of a friend was he? Was he even a friend? He finally settled on picking up the phone. To his relief he got Tosh's voice mail, so he left a brief message to ask if she was alright and for her to ring him if she needed to. He stuffed his mobile into the pocket of his jeans so he wouldn't forget it and decided to make himself something to eat. A quick survey of the cupboards made him realise that he'd need to go to ASDA to get something. Ianto sighed, still not confident with the idea of driving he decided he'd walk there and get a taxi back.

Even at the later hour there were still far too many people in the shop for Ianto's liking, one woman had an especially loud squally infant that set Ianto's teeth on edge as she pushed past him with her trolley and child in tow. Ianto had never been very paternal and now he just wanted to stick bungs in his ears to block out the noise, part of him wondering how his sister coped with two of the little buggers, three if one included her husband, which he did. Ianto settled on rice noodles and stir fry vegetables with chicken, he wasn't too bad a cook, last time he tried. It couldn't be that hard, surely.

Three carrier bags and a taxi ride later found Jack Harkness waiting on his front doorstep. Ianto struggled with the bags and Jack was on his feet straight away whilst Ianto dug into his pockets for his keys.

"Is everything alright, sir?"

They entered and Jack followed Ianto to the kitchen, toeing the front door to a close behind them. Jack hefted the bags on to the counter and resisted the urge to peek inside them.

"Yes. I just thought I'd stop by and see how you were doing."

Ianto began to unpack the groceries, searching out his packet of Kenyan coffee.

"Perhaps you should be visiting Tosh instead then." Ianto replied neutrally.

Jack sat himself down at the little dining table. "Yeah, that'd go down well right about now."

Ianto shrugged. "I'm fine, sir thank you."

Jack nodded feeling just a little like he shouldn't really be there. "Right. You didn't happen to.....?"

Ianto paused and faced Jack. "If you are asking, did I go to see Tosh? Well I chickened out. To be honest I wasn't sure what to say to her and I don't think she'd want me to say anything anyway. What is there to say Jack? Her girlfriend turned about to be crazy killing alien, what do you say to that?"

Jack sighed. "Yeah, true enough...... Do you still believe I'm a monster?"

Ianto went back to his task of making fresh coffee, he was desperate for one it had been weeks since the last one.

"Sometimes Jack, I think you have to be because the rest of us sure as hell couldn't manage it. I'm just sorry that Tosh got hurt, she didn't deserve it."

"Does anyone?"

Ianto wasn't sure he had an answer for that.

"Can you cook?"

Jack did a double take. "I'm sorry?"

"Cook food, can you cook food or does it all come from take-out cartons?"

Jack smiled a somewhat cheesy grin. "I can cook."

Ianto gestured to the bags. "Be my guest. I'm too tired to be bothered."

Jack stood up and shucked off his coat and carefully draped it over the back of the chair. Ianto continued with the coffee.

"Just search through the cupboards til you find what you need."

Jack got busy and Ianto took a seat whilst he waited for the coffee. He sat, his chin resting in his hand. "Did Tosh say what she heard of our thoughts?"

"No, nothing specific anyway. Which is a credit to her really...... I must be stupid, I missed so many things that are going on right under my nose."

Ianto fetched mugs and watched for a moment as Jack rather expertly began chopping mushrooms and spring onions.

"I think we're all just hiding. We're just human, sir."

"Jack."

"What?"

"It's Jack, you're not at work and this is your home. I'm Jack, nice to meet you." He put the knife down and held out his hand. Uncertainly Ianto grasped it briefly.

"Jones, Ianto Jones." He responded automatically. Jack grinned.

"Wow, gotta love that accent, Jones Ianto Jones."

Ianto quirked an eyebrow. "That has to be the crappiest pick up line ever."

The grin widened and Jack went back to preparing dinner, he decided to try and slip in a question as he worked.

"Tell me about your family."

Ianto almost dropped the caffeterie . "You've read the file......"

Jack nodded. "Doesn't tell me much, just dates and names."

Ianto closed up. "There's nothing to tell."

The tone of voice told Jack not to push. "So Yan, what about you?"

Ianto froze. "Don't call me Yan!" He snapped backing away. "Don't ever call me that again."

Jack turned and gaped at the sheer venom in his voice, but he held a smile in place. "Ohhhh kayyyy. May I ask why?"

Ianto shook his head. "My name is Ianto, I like my name, please stick to it, or Mr Jones if you'd prefer."

The mushrooms were tossed into the pan sizzling with hot butter and chicken pieces and the mixed aroma's of coffee and cooking wafted around the small narrow room. Ianto gently pushed a mug toward Jack.

"Sorry..... Si..... Jack, sorry. I just really hate the name Yan."

Jack nodded. "One day you'll tell me why."

Ianto shook his head and resumed his place at the dining table.

"Why are you here Jack?"

"Like I said, it was a shit day Ianto, far too reminiscent of what happened with Lisa. I thought maybe you'd like some company."

"You mean you'd like some company."

"There's that too. I'm not ashamed to admit it."

Ianto wasn't surprised to hear that, but he was surprised at Jack's choice in companion for the evening and he half wondered who had turned his boss down.

"So you think its wise coming here?"

Jack shrugged. "You tell me."

"Bastard."

Jack's blues sparkled with mischief. "You bet ya."

Ianto shook his head. "Can I be frank?"

"Yes." Jack wasn't certain he wanted him to be.

"You came here looking for a shag, though I'm amazed you'd think that I'd be up for that and even more surprised that you'd come to me in the first place, after what I did."

Jack contented himself with stirring the contents of the pan for a couple of minutes.

"Alright, lets just suppose you are correct in that assumption.... which you're not, by the way. Firstly, it's high time you forgave yourself over what happened with Lisa and secondly I have forgiven you for it, because I understand that you loved her and that you were seriously traumatised after Canary Wharf and we failed to recognise that, we failed you. I failed you."

Ianto almost spat out his coffee and after composing himself he felt brave enough to carry on.

"You're different to everyone else I know. You claim to be a man of the world and yet you seem to know very little about human nature."

Jack stopped stirring. "Plates?"

Ianto pointed to a cupboard.

"I know enough, trust me I am older than I look."

Ianto nodded. "Well considering I found documents in the archive signed by you in the 1920s I am not surprised, unless your family are extremely unimaginative with the name giving and all copy the family signature." Ianto got up and fetched cutlery from the drawer by the sink, aware of Jack's tenseness. "What was it, some alien thing you got exposed to that's extended your life? You're an alien?"

Jack suddenly laughed at that. "You should know."

Food was dished up and they sat down opposite one another. They ate in companionable silence for a few minutes.

"This is good." Ianto stated.

Jack just shovelled more into his mouth. "Glad you like it."

"You didn't answer my question."

"No, I didn't, did I."


	15. Chapter 15

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 15**

Somehow Ianto wasn't surprised, they both did evasion all the time and so he continued to munch on his very tasty food in silence. Jack watched him like a hawk, which Ianto found faintly disturbing and finally he lowered his fork and glared at Jack from under a furrowed brow, which as far as Jack was concerned was just too bloody sexy for words.

"You're staring at me."

Jack smirked and took a sip of the coffee. "Owen told me to make sure you eat properly."

"I am, stop staring, it's creepy."

Jack inclined his head. "So did Tosh go through her Ebay file with you?"

Ianto nodded, glad the subject had wandered back to less personal issues. "Yep. I shall take a proper look tomorrow, there's a couple of sellers I want to check out and a couple of other trading web sites. It'll give me something other than your filing to do and I am bored of typing up Owen's weevil notes so I can rotate things a bit so I don't get repetitive brain injury."

Jack couldn't help but grin. It soon fell away when his mobile chirped for attention. Jack yanked it out of his trouser pocket and studied the display for a moment. He then sighed.

"Well, lovely as all this is, I have to go." He got up and reached for his beloved coat, pulling it on. "Thanks for dinner."

Before Ianto could get another word out, Jack was gone. Ianto finished his meal, quietly grateful that Jack had left even though he had enjoyed the visit.

With the dishes done, Ianto retired to his ratty couch and fell asleep there some five minutes later.

Jack pulled the wool of his coat tight about him to shield him from the brisk breeze. The walk from the Hub, where he'd left the SUV, to Damian's flat was a short one and he wasn't surprised to find the door to the young man's flat kicked in and hanging off a bent hinge. He trod cautiously through the doorway and found the twisted and broken body of the rent boy lying halfway into the kitchen, a dark pool of drying blood like a halo around his pretty face. Jack sucked in a deep breath and stepped away. He hurried out of the rundown apartment building and rang the police from a local call box, not wanting to get involved. He strode back to the Hub and wiped his mobile phone account from the records, he then spent half an hour up loading the new protocols to the phones of the rest of his team so that they all had his new number. 5am saw Jack standing on the roof of the Millennium Centre watching the sun come up. A new day, a new set of problems and another cover up. Damian didn't deserve to be so readily dismissed, but in Jack's view he was just a paid source for sex, not even especially good sex and the cheeky sneak must've somehow got hold of his phone number from somewhere. Jack didn't want to think about that, he'd been too careless lately on so many levels.

It was going to be another beautiful day, part of him hoped that there'd be an emergency to get them all out of the Hub for the day and then he remembered what happened last time they all went out on an op. Dimly he thought of Ianto, probably tucked up naked in a nice warm bed and he found himself enjoying the thought, rather more than he should.

Tosh was quiet when she crept into the Hub and settled herself at her desk. No sooner was she sat down than a mug of hot chocolate and a cinnamon pastry was placed beside her keyboard. She looked up and saw Ianto's departing back as he carried his tray away to Jack's office. Gwen and Owen had not yet arrived and Tosh was relieved she had got in before they had. She looked down at her drink and hitched a brief smile, good old Ianto, always there with her favourite comfort things whenever she had needed them, it was the most powerful and understated gesture and she knew that he was thinking of her, trying to make her feel better in his own Iantonian way.

Ianto tapped on Jack's door and then entered before Jack could respond. The mug of liquid tar was placed on the corner of his desk and Ianto was about to retreat when Jack called his name. Ianto turned and faced him with his usual neutral calm as Jack handed him a slim folder with one hand and gestured him to sit with the other. Ianto complied, taking the documents as he parked his arse. His stomach was grumbling a bit, probably from the naughty cup of coffee he'd had with his breakfast and he rubbed absently at his abdomen for the briefest of moments. Jack frowned at him.

"Do you need to see Owen again?"

Ianto blinked, caught out. "Err. No sir. I shouldn't have had coffee this morning... I just got desperate for the caffeine, you understand."

Only too well. Jack lifted his mug and smiled. Ianto huffed at him.

"Tease." Was muttered and Jack just grinned even more.

"Oh, I can do that."

Ianto rolled his eyes and then opened up the file on his lap.

"That is the monthly report for Harold Saxon's office..... The edited highlights of what I think he should know, not what he wants to know. You'll be responsible for briefing him from now on, because I can't stand the smarmy bastard and you're less likely to insult him."

Ianto couldn't argue the point as he skimmed through the notes.

"We didn't always have to do this did we?"

Jack shook his head. "He's taking an interest, that makes him someone we need to keep an eye on."

"You want to spy on the Minister for Defence?"

Jack sort of shrugged. "Well more like make a note of any questions he asks you, check his internet activity.... you know the drill..... come on Ianto you're a whizz at that shit. I just want to keep a discreet watch on him because......"

"He gives you gut ache?"

Ianto was rewarded with a nod and the loss of that charming smile. "Tosh is looking into Archangel, you're looking into Saxon, but cautiously I don't want him knowing, that could make our lives......"

"Awkward?"

"Yes."

Ianto closed the folder. "Right then sir, I'd best get straight on it. Was there anything else?"

"No, thank you Ianto."

"Right sir."

Jack watched him leave before glancing at his watch and wondering where in the Hell Owen and Gwen had got to.

Ianto settled himself at his terminal, having opened up the tourist office, so he study the contents of the folder Jack had given him before calling Saxon. It was shaping up to be a pleasant if slightly chilly day so he was sure that Amy from the council offices would drop by with some leaflets and any excuse for a friendly chat. She called it her extended fag breaks, but in truth Ianto enjoyed her company in a detached sort of way, they often stood out on the boards having a smoke and talking about the Rugby or local news and she was always an excellent source of City Council gossip which often came in quite useful.

As if on cue she strode in through the door and grinned at the younger man, who was wearing a particularly pretty suit that day and they stepped out into the sunlight and lit up their fags. She was telling him about some murder, some gay prostitute that had been stabbed to death and a tall man with a long coat being seen in the area, it was the talk of the office because the boy was the estranged son of some local business guru. Ianto tried his best not to react to the tale the words long coat sinking into his intestines like gravel. They finished their fags and she left with a cheery wave. Ianto sat back at his counter and got on with his work, ignoring Owen as he stomped in with a grumpy Gwen some paces behind him. Once they were in Ianto closed up shop and followed them down to the Hub with his folders tight to his chest. He placed them on Suzie's old desk, which was now his and went to the coffee machine. He could hear Owen and Gwen whispering heatedly in the autopsy bay and Ianto made a special point of making sure Tosh got her hot chocolate first and that Gwen and Owen's coffees weren't quite up to their usual standard, at least then if Owen got cranky he'd take it out on him instead of Tosh. He delivered Jack his second brew of the day and momentarily pondered what Amy told him earlier on before heading back to his desk to make his call to Harold Saxon. Ianto was not looking forward to it, but Jack was quite right Ianto would not insult him..... not directly anyway. He'd decided on staying down in the Hub to give Tosh a bit of moral support should she need it so with tea in hand, though he would have preferred coffee he sat down and picked up his phone receiver.

**AN: Up load issues... uhm... Anyway there is method to my madness and there will drama in the next chappie but you'll have to wait because I am away for a few days at SFX....**

**Thank you for all the support this fic has received because it's a toughie to write!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 16**

Ianto watched as Owen completed the task of removing what looked like far too much blood from his right arm... He rolled down the sleeve of his shirt and waited to be dismissed. Owen waved him aside.

"Bog off Tea Boy, haven't you got coffee to make?"

Ianto sighed. "Want one do you?"

Owen shot him a frown. "What do you think?"

"Then I suggest the word please.... begins with p and ends with e, one syllable..... commonly spoken when......"

"Fuck off, God you're a brat."

Ianto made his way up the steps out of the autopsy bay. "You have no idea Harper." Was muttered just loud enough for Owen to hear. The medic went back to his work and Ianto went to his desk and turned on his computer before heading off to the coffee machine and the rather horrifying sight of Jack trying to make it go.

"Please step away from the coffee machine, sir, before I kill you."

Jack froze and swung round an innocent smile slapped over his face that just failed to work on Ianto at every level. Jack hurriedly placed his favourite striped mug on the work bench and stepped back.

"Has Owen finished torturing you yet?"

Ianto arched an eyebrow. "He will never finish torturing me, it is his reason for living .......he hates me...... I hate him therefore everything is in order. Coffee sir?"

Jack dipped his head once. "Please. So the medical?" It had been three weeks since the last official one.

"He says I am fit enough to go back on duty, just to be careful.... and of course keep taking the tablets and limit my coffee and alcohol intake. I can cope with the lack of booze, but the reduced coffee diet is a killer." Ianto got busy preparing a round of beverages. Jack toed at a piece of something on the floor he didn't like to think about what it could be.

"The Ebay thing, how's that?"

Ianto paused waiting for the water to heat up. "Tosh and I want to check out a warehouse, we were going to talk to you about in the morning briefing."

Ianto didn't notice Jack checking over his shoulder to see what their respective colleagues were doing. No one was looking in their direction so Jack leant forwards his chin resting on Ianto's shoulder.

"I look forward to it." Was breathed into Ianto's ear making him jump.

Jack stepped back, smirking and Ianto rolled his eyes in exasperation but privately pleased that Jack felt that he could once again feel comfortable about flirting around him. Jack leaned in again when he registered that Ianto didn't seem to object too strongly.

"You could always give me a sneak preview in my office."

Ianto had to resist the urge to laugh out loud. "Your pick ups get worse by the day...... sir, really you must be slipping." He could feel Jack's warm breath against his neck as he chuckled softly.

"We'll see about that." Jack swung away and headed off in the direction of the board room leaving Ianto to gather his composure.

Ianto was more than a bit nervous about being back out in the field. He quietly followed Jack and Owen along the side of the old brick warehouse, a biting wind finding its way under the layers of his clothing, listening to Tosh's voice in his left ear as she directed them to the rear fire exit of the pre war building. Grit crunched under his leather soled shoes but otherwise his footfalls were silent, unlike his two companions who were anything but stealthy in their approach. Ianto supposed it didn't matter that much, Tosh was convinced that the ware house was currently empty, of people anyway. It belonged to a prolific seller on Ebay who owned no less than 18 aliases and appeared to trade in code. Ianto having started on assisting Tosh in her monitoring had recognised certain coded phrases that had been previously adopted by Torchwood One. That had set off his own internal alarm bells and finally brought them here, skulking about in the freezing Welsh weather, around a bunch of supposedly unused old brick buildings. He chewed at his lower lip, trying to settle his nerves, focusing his gaze on Owen's back which was three paces ahead of him, with the rest of the snarky medic attached. Tosh's steady voice in his ear was almost an anchor and stopped him from giggling with anxiety. Ever since Brecon, he'd been like this, on the edge of some extreme emotion, usually depression, today he just had the urge to laugh and did his best not to do it. Owen suddenly stopped in front of him and then ducked in through a door that Jack had opened without him noticing. Focus, Ianto mentally chided himself as he slipped into almost darkness and pulled the door to close behind him. Torch beams shot out into the gloom picking out a row of wooden crates with Mandarin writing sprayed on them. Jack turned his head and grinned at Ianto.

"Can you read Japanese?"

Ianto suppressed a smirk. "It's Chinese sir, and it says electrical goods." Ianto whispered back...... not that Jack had whispered to him in the first place.

"Crow bar?"

Ianto produced it from under the folds of his coat, he'd sown in a special pouch for one months before. He handed it to Owen, who handed him his torch, the medic looked ready for action and was rather disappointed when Jack shook his head. Ianto watched as their leader studied the readings on Tosh's adapted PDA scanner. A frown marred Jack's brow for a moment before he looked at them and grinned.

"It looks like the more interesting stuff could be this way."

They set off, feet scuffing in the dim light on the uneven floor, torch beams bobbing in time with their steps. Ianto looked up into the roof when he heard the fluttering of wings from a disturbed pigeon and he quietly hoped that if it was going to shit on anyone, it wouldn't be him. Pigeon shit stained, and so he found himself wondering once again why the hell he was bothering with wearing a suit for work. It wasn't as if he needed to distract Jack any more, was it? Ianto shook his head scattering the thought as his attention was caught by a slither of blue light coming from between the slats of a crate a few metres away. He paused, mid stride and stared for a moment, his hand automatically settling on his gun that was holstered under his tailored jacket.

"Jack, there's a light coming from that crate."

Jack and Owen turned at the same and followed Ianto's gaze with their own.

"Lets check it out." Owen strode forwards and Ianto held back momentarily.

"Jack?"

"Yep, Owen go carefully."

The three of them edged forwards, Jack taking out his Webley and Ianto following suit, Glock in hands the barrel pointed towards the concrete floor. Owen wielded the crow bar and slowed his approach looking around him as he moved. Jack was back to looking at the PDA.

"The readings aren't coming from this, but we may as well check it out. Owen can you lever off the side, Ianto and I will cover." Jack positioned himself strategically to keep Ianto in the minimal potential line of fire. Ianto raised his weapon and torch in a double handed grip, the torch aligned with his handgun, he stood feet slightly apart and braced himself. Owen got busy with the crow bar and Jack glanced over his shoulder, checking that their presence had not been detected. Wood splintering shattered the creepy silence with a bone splitting screech, punctuated by Owen's grunts as he wrenched the crate apart. He didn't pay much attention, relying on Jack and Ianto to watch his back. A plywood panel fell to the floor at same moment that Jack clocked the contents and Ianto let out a gut wrenching wail of distress and started shooting. Owen dropped the crow bar with a clatter and dove out of the way in a panic. The instant he saw what it was that Ianto was firing at he rolled clear, righting himself and drawing his gun in one swift motion, getting off a couple of shots himself before Jack yelled at him to stop. The bullets stopped flying and bouncing and Owen became suddenly aware of Jack holding a struggling Ianto down and trying to disarm the madly screaming coffee boy.

The Cyberman hadn't moved.

**AN: So now I'm off to SFX.....I hope this worked... god I just can't tell with this one. **


	17. Chapter 17

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 17**

Jack grappled with Ianto's gun hand, knocking the weapon from his terrified grip as his arms flailed wildly about. Owen was there securing a limb with one hand and rummaging in his little kit bag with the other as Jack pinned Ianto down to the concrete floor.

"Geez Ianto, it's ok. Calm down, come on, calm down now."

The screaming subsided into choking, hitched breaths, feet coming to a rest as Ianto sagged underneath him. Jack let out a sigh of relief as Owen withdrew the needle. Ianto gazed blankly into the darkness above them, the abandoned torch leaving slanted shadows to hover over them. Jack pulled back and gently thumbed away the tears from Ianto's white cheeks. Ianto didn't notice.

"Shit! What the fuck was that all about?" Owen sat back on the cold floor running a hand through his hair to calm himself down; his heart was still thumping enthusiastically against his ribs.

"The Cyberman." Jack muttered gently hauling Ianto into his arms to comfort him. "We need to get him out of here call........" He stopped mid flow when he realised that Owen was no longer paying attention.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ianto rolled over and groaned as his bones ground against hard concrete. His eyes cracked open and he realised somewhat foggily that he was lying on a floor he didn't recognise. He could feel the warm pressure of fingers against his throbbing head as someone gently massaged his scalp. It didn't take long to recall what had happened and Ianto's heart sank with embarrassment and then fear gripped him all over again.

"Jack?" he rasped, his throat raw.

"Easy now. You're ok..... sit up slowly."

Ianto really didn't want to sit up at all. The hand was moved away and Ianto sighed carefully moving himself upright. His vision swam a little and nausea gripped at his innards. Ianto swallowed back the surge of bile at the back of his throat, mortified by his situation.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

The hand came back, warming strokes down his back. Another set of hands gripped his arm to steady him.

"Careful Tea Boy; that was quite some freak out." Owen's acerbic accent filtered in. "How are you feeling?"

Ianto needed a moment to right himself on to his backside finding the wall and settling against it.

"Mmmm ok, bit dizzy. What happened?" He realised two sets of eyes were watching him closely and then he wondered, somewhat belatedly where they all were.

Jack smiled faintly and offered reassuring touches to his arm, cheek and then back again.

"We found a Cyberman, you had a bit of a moment, and Owen had to sedate you. Whilst we were dealing with you three goons with guns turned up and decided to lock us in here." Jack kept his voice low, for which Ianto was very grateful as he leant his head back against cold brick.

"God, sir. I'm so sor....."

"It's ok Ianto. I think you're entitled."

Ianto closed his eyes to stop the room from spinning quite so much. "Was it working?"

Jack frowned. "Was what......" Understanding. "Not sure. I don't think so. The scanner certainly didn't detect it. We can only hope. It looked inactive, but you can never be sure with those things."

Ianto heard a scuffing of shoes and someone shift. Owen was on his feet, pacing about.

"So, what now boss?"

Jack stood up too and with the loss of warmth at his side Ianto opened his eyes and looked at his team mates.

"Escape, springs to mind. Unless, of course, you want to wait for them to decide to kill us."

Owen glared. "Tosser......Come on Tea Boy on your feet." The medics hand was thrust under his nose and Ianto just stared down at it for a moment as if trying to figure out what it was. Owen was frowning a trifle worriedly.

"Ianto?"

Ianto blinked and shook his head. "Right.... Oh yes, escape. Always number one on my list of things to do." He grasped the proffered limb and hauled himself up to unsteady feet and Jack grabbed him as he wavered.

"Oooohhh, this is fruity."

Both Jack and Owen gaped at the younger man.

"What the hell was in that sedative you gave him?"

Owen shrugged. "It's the stuff I give to the weevils, must have a different effect on people."

"What!?" Jack glowered and Owen just looked only a tiny bit awkward.

"Well I had to do something."

Ianto looked from one to the other. "Can we have more of the escaping and less of the arguing, please?...........Wait a minute, you gave me weevil sedative!?" His voice ending up in a surprised squeak which actually made Jack smirk. His smile dropped the moment he caught Ianto's eye.

"Yes, right. Not funny. Of course it isn't."

"The problem in hand.... like getting out of here Harkness and stop leering at the Tea Boy, he's under the influence."

Ianto's eyes would have popped out of his head if they could.

"I do not leer."

Owen snorted and turned back to the locked door. "Can we please get out of here now?"

Jack nodded, sobering. "Yep, let's do it."

Ianto continued gaping at the two of them. "You talk as if you already have a way out."

Jack was fiddling with his wrist strap, the only thing that hadn't been removed from them.

"Tosh and Gwen would've picked up the distress signal by now, so they should be on their way. The guys who locked us in here are not the smartest. There's just one lock on that door, easily kicked in. They didn't seem to be very well practised at the whole taking prisoner thing." Jack explained. "I'm just checking that no one is waiting on guard. Amateurs or not, they are still armed and that makes them dangerous.......Ianto, still with us?"

He was gripping the wall again, one hand protectively settled over his abdomen.

"In body most certainly, the rest is any body's guess."

Owen watched the younger man carefully, ready to reach out if needed, but Ianto held himself upright looking determined not to be any more of a burden than he already had been.

Jack re-covered his precious wrist device and yanked down the sleeve of his coat to hide it from view.

"We're clear."

Owen put his boot up and the door gave after the first solid, hip jarring kick which made the medic wince. Jack stuck his head out of the door way.

"We need to get to the SUV."

"What about the Cyberman, sir?" Ianto was worried, working or not the thing needed to be destroyed.

"I suggest we get out of here first and call for back up, just in case there are any other nasty surprises."

Jack led the way out of their prison out onto a gangway that rattled ominously under their feet. Ianto closed the door on their cell so no one would notice it empty. It was almost pitch black, but light enough to see the edges of stacks of boxes and crates in neat rows below them. Jack did his best to move along as quietly as he could but the metal walkway creaked with the sound of grinding metal. Owen and Ianto both wincing in his wake, but there was no sign of activity. More puzzled than anything, the three men edged forwards until they came to a narrow metal stairwell that would take them back to ground level. Jack froze half way down at the sudden sound of an engine starting up nearby and then light burst across the vast space as a large roller door was clattered aside. They piled down the stairs rapidly and hunkered down behind a stack of pallets as a small truck reversed into the warehouse.


	18. Chapter 18

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 18**

Ianto found himself wedged somewhat uncomfortably between Jack and Owen, his forehead jammed against the rough wood of the pallets and his vision swimming alarmingly. This was probably not the best time to mention the......

"Ohhh, I'm gonna be......"

The vomit shot out and Ianto tumbled back on his arse and watched through tunnelled vision as Owen threw him the deadliest look ever.

"You are so going to die for that tea boy." Was hissed.

Jack was manhandling him back into the shadow of their hiding place. "You probably shouldn't have given him weevil sedative." Jack whispered wrinkling his nose at the smell. Ianto was too far gone to care as his head throbbed and his stomach gurgled and griped. He wondered if he was going to throw again up when he lost consciousness and sagged all over Jack. Cursing under his breath, Jack lowered his team member to the concrete and settled him on his side. Owen was frowning with concern and he leant over to inspect the Welshman.

"That's really not good, we need to get him back to the Hub."

Jack gaped at him. "Go figure."

They were distracted by a load crashing and Jack peered through the gaps in the slats of timber to see three black clad men loading a large crate onto the tail lift of the truck. It was too far away to see the registration plate, but the crate was clearly the one they had broken into earlier. Owen was still focussed on Ianto as Jack cautiously sidled out to get a better look.

"We've got to stop that lorry from leaving."

"Yes, Jack obviously. Any bright ideas?"

Jack turned back and Owen straightened himself up. "He's ok, just asleep, his blood pressure must have dropped. He's fine Jack, sedatives often have this effect, though I'd still like to get him out of here as soon as we can. I thought you said Tosh and Gwen would come to our rescue."

"And you were right!"

Both men swung round in shock and Gwen was grinning at them in the dim light until she looked down at Ianto. "Oh, my God is he ok?"

"Sssshhh!"

Tosh crawled out of the shadows from behind Gwen and handed out guns to Jack and Owen.

"What's that smell?" She whispered.

Now Jack was grinning. "Vomit... I'll fill you in later. Gwen, stay with Ianto. Tosh, Owen... with me!"

Gwen huffed out a sigh of protest, but did as she was told. She settled herself into the dark underneath the shadow of the pallet stack and gently cradled Ianto's head in her lap and fussed with his hair, her gun ready in her other hand, should she need it. She studied the whiteness of the younger man's peaceful looking face, suddenly realising how young he was as he slept on, oblivious to the stink of sick and the drama's of Jack and the team saving the day once again.... this time from the scum of the Earth.

Six hours later and Ianto woke up to the sounds of Myfanwy swooping overhead in the depths of the vaulted ceiling of the Hub. He stretched himself and moaned as his muscles protested. He blinked up at the Victorian tiles and realised somewhat hazily that he was lying on the sofa under the warmth of Jack's beloved great coat. He didn't care to wonder how he came to be there until he remembered the visage of the Cyberman looming over him and Owen's shot of weevil...... oh shit..... his cheeks burned with humiliation. Owen was going to kill him and make his life more torturous than it already was. A shadow fell over him, blocking out the view and Ianto grimaced when he realised his worst fears had materialised before him.

"Tea Boy, you're awake I see. Get off your lazy arse and come down to the autopsy bay."

Ianto sighed and rolled his tongue around his foul tasting mouth and sticky teeth.

"You need to improve your bed side manners."

Owen snorted. "And you need mouth wash." The medic stomped off muttering to himself.

Ianto couldn't argue with that really. He rolled himself upright, which didn't feel especially pleasant and then Gwen was there, sitting beside him and fussing with his hand as he battled to shift Jack's coat, which smelt rather nice. Gwen was easing it away from him and Ianto possessively tugged it back.

"Ok pet?"

Ianto really hated that word. He nodded and shuffled himself into the coat for warmth, Jack would be sure to comment later and Owen would tease him mercilessly, but right there and then Ianto didn't care. Cautiously he made sure his feet were planted firmly on the decking before getting himself standing and vaguely upright. He really needed to fart and was desperate not to right in Gwen's face, no matter how tempting. He wondered what was actually in that weevil vaccine and hoped it wasn't a laxative, it was a long way to the nearest loo. He still smelt of his own stale sick and realised that there was a spatter pattern of said substance going down his left leg..... Another ruined......

"Tea Boy, hurry up it's almost pub time and I need to drink away the memory of you puking on me."

Ianto shuffled into Owen's lair.

Jack watched with an amused smile on his face from the window of his office. Owen, with all his sarcasm and snark had been very worried the entire time, constantly checking and re-checking the Welshman as he had dozed on the couch and before that in the back of the SUV. Four armed men had been Retconned back into puberty and Tosh with a team of UNIT specialists was in the process of clean-up. Jack had brought UNIT in just as soon as it had been established that anything sensitive had been removed before the soldiers got there. The Cyberman was locked in the basement awaiting dismantlement..... Jack pondered that word and actually found himself wondering if it was a word at all. He and Tosh were going to take apart the dormant machine that night after the others had gone home. Jack didn't want Ianto to have to see it again.

Ianto sat hunched in the folds of Jack's heavy coat on the end of the metal autopsy table. Owen was scribbling on his chart...

"Note to self.... weevil sedative is for weevils." Ianto mumbled as he picked off some fluff from the worn sleeve.

Owen ignored the comment and mentally put on his doctor's hat.

"How are you feeling now?"

Ianto shrugged. "Bit crap, but..... well." He chewed at his bottom lip. "Where's the Cyberman?"

Owen put down his clipboard and grasped Ianto's thin wrist to feel the pulse.

"Down in the vaults. Jack's going to incinerate it tonight."

Ianto nodded and gazed about the room and the swallowed nervously before speaking again.

"I'm sorry.... about what happened back there. Losing it like that; it put you both in danger."

Owen made more notes and help up the cuff and Ianto after freeing it from Jack's coat sleeve stuck out his arm for the blood pressure reading.

"I thought you were going to apologise for puking on me."

Ianto smiled glad to be offered the opening to escape any kind of sentiment. "You have to be joking. I've been wanting to do that ever since I met you."

"Tosser."

"Twat."

Owen worked and Ianto watched for a moment.

"Your blood pressure is still a bit low, but otherwise you are fine. Just take it easy for a couple of hours and have a bloody shower you smell like cat pee."

"Thank you Owen."

"Anytime. I'll go and tell his lord and master that you are fit for purpose and then I am going to the pub." In reality he was going back to his flat with Gwen for a quickie before she headed home to her lardy boyfriend.

Ianto slid down and wandered away not caring where Owen was going, he was just too smelly for words and wanted to be clean and tucked up in bed. He caught a brief look from Jack who was standing aloft in the boardroom and they exchanged small smiles as Ianto went on his way to the locker rooms.

The shower was heaven and the clean clothes re-established him firmly in the land of the living once again. Feeling clear headed and much happier he headed down in the direction of the basement and the sleeping Cyberman. Ianto wasn't sure how he knew where it was now housed, but gut instinct had led him back to the room where he had stowed Lisa and the conversion unit, what felt like a whole lifetime ago. The crate was the only thing in the dingy room and Ianto walked around it slowly and peered into the blank silver face of his own personal horrors. His jaw clenched and he froze, hovering over the casket... well it looked like one to him and the face stared right back at him. Ianto felt his bones ache with fear and revulsion, but he stared it down saddened by the realisation that once that machine had been a human being. A solitary tear rolled over his left cheek and dripped from his jaw. Ianto knelt down beside it and stretched out his hand, his fingertips stung by cold smooth metal. He sucked in a long breath and lurched to his feet. He wanted to say sorry, he wanted to rage in the confines of this terrible space that he had become so intimate with, but instead he ran. He ran, straight into the waiting arms of Jack.


	19. Chapter 19

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 19**

It took Ianto some moments to realise he had run into something somewhat warmer and softer than the wall. It was only when he felt arms circle his shaking body that he connected it all with a living being. Jack's soothing tones filtered through and Ianto just sagged into the embrace and allowed himself to be held and petted.

"What are you doing down here?" Jack finally asked.

Ianto gathered his composure and eased himself back, wiping his wet face on the sleeve of his shirt. He didn't know why he had come to this place and all he managed was a sniff. He eventually looked into Jack's concerned eyes and hitched a smile.

"Sorry,........ I just. I needed to see it. To see if I could handle it. To...." He trailed off and shrugged and Jack couldn't help but see him for the boy that he really was.

"There's no need to apologise."

Ianto shoved his hands into his pockets suddenly feeling very awkward.

"You should go home and get some rest."

Ianto looked back over his shoulder into the dim shadows of the brick corridor.

"What about?" He indicated with his head.

"Tosh and I will deal with it. By morning it will be gone."

Jack watched as the younger man hesitated clearly on the verge of another question.

"Ianto?"

He shrugged again. "I just wondered..... If... if I could help. That thing was once one of us, a person. I just want to make sure......."

Jack arched an eyebrow, he'd never really considered the Cybermen to be anything but monsters, but Ianto was quite right in his assessment.

"We'll take care of it Ianto, I promise. You don't have to......"

"I think I do Jack. How do we know that it wasn't someone from Torchwood One?"

The crux of the matter.

"There's no way to know, but it's unlikely, it most likely came through as a Ghost, like the others, perhaps the journey across the void was too much for it."

Something in Ianto didn't want to believe it and in that moment he recognised what it was.

"I need closure Jack. Maybe this will......"

"Alright, you can help, but don't torture yourself over this. You've grieved enough, time to move on."

Ianto appeared to straighten himself up. "I know, but it's hard." There was steel in his voice. "It's so hard."

"I know it is Ianto, better than you think, but you have to. You've got one life, don't waste it in this place."

"Would you like some coffee before we start?"

Jack was relieved. "Oh, yes!"

Ianto's dreams of that night skirted around silver shadows and Lisa's screaming and when he awoke his own screaming merged with hers. It left Ianto feeling wrecked and washed out as he lunged for his mobile phone. In his desperation he knocked over the bedside lamp and his alarm clock and the shuddering tears just kept coming in tidal waves. He gave up the scrabbling search and rolled on to his side, choking back sobs by stuffing the corner of his quilt into his mouth and biting down on it. Each time he closed his eyes he saw circuitry and shiny disarticulated limbs...... It had all been machine except for the brain, which Owen had been given permission to examine. Everything else, every wire and sinew, each section of metal skin had been systematically broken down and burned. By the time Ianto would get back to work, it would a solid block of solidified..... whatever the hell those things were made of. Ianto didn't want to think anymore. If this was closure.......

His arms wound around his abdomen instinctively as his familiar stinging ache gnawed at him again. Ianto chewed on cotton for a while longer untill the heaving settled into shakes and then finally subsided. He stared wide eyed into the half life of the dawn that painted his stark bedroom and decided to get up.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

If it was at all possible his gut hurt even more at the sight of THAT glove.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was just too weird words giving coffee and biscuits to his dead, newly resurrected colleague. Ianto couldn't, wouldn't meet Suzie's penetrating gaze and as he turned his back to leave the cell she sneered at him.

"Still shagging the Captain are we?"

Ianto froze but didn't turn to look at her, the scorn in her voice was enough to put him off.

"Got you over his desk yet? Pathetic really, you sad little man."

Ianto sucked in a deep breath and marched away, making certain the door was sealed at his back. He hurriedly made his way back up into the Hub and was disconcerted to see Gwen staring at him when he got there. Jack, Tosh and Owen were too busy gaping at their dead friend on the CCTV display to notice. Gwen followed him to the coffee machine and watched as he busied himself making some more drinks.

"Ianto, are you ok?"

A cup clattered from his grasp, but he caught it before it could break.

"Yes. I'm fine thank you. It is just a little too weird, should be used to it by now. This is Torchwood after all." He replied keeping his line of sight firmly fixed on his task.

Gwen folded her arms. "Yes, but she's a friend, it's Suzie...."

"Not a friend, not to me." He almost spat out the words. "She despised me and I her. Suzie was too much like the regime at London, Jack didn't know the half of it."

Gwen resisted the urge to step forwards to comfort the younger man, she knew that Ianto would not appreciate it, but she had to ask, didn't she.

"So... er... you and Jack?"

Ianto said nothing, he just handed her a mug of latte coffee. "Did you want a biscuit with that?"

Gwen backed off. "No thanks."

Ianto placed three more mugs on his tray and smartly stepped past her to deliver the drinks to his team mates. Gwen sighed. It was time to talk to Suzie herself.

Ianto had to admit that he wasn't in the least surprised when the lights went out and everything went squew whiff. He was quietly chuffed with his ability to get his phone working and very dischuffed the following day when all Gwen got for breaking the rules was a pat on the back. He kept his opinions to himself watching as Jack and Owen both vied for Gwen's attention in making sure that she really was ok. Tosh was looking as miserable as he felt. He decided he'd be the best one to lock the ungrateful cow that was Suzie into morgue forever so he disappeared down below to finish the task, taking his clipboard with him. Anything to get away from the rest of the gang.

Xxxxxxxx

What the hell had he been thinking? Stopwatch???!!! That just had to be the most peculiar 'come on' on record. Ianto wondered what on Earth had made him open his gob before engaging his brain. Still with Jack's tongue half way down his throat he really didn't much care. Though he was sure he wouldn't know where to put himself in the morning, especially if Tosh found the CCTV files. He'd have to remember to delete those.


	20. Chapter 20

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 20**

The scalding shower simply refused to move the chill from his bones, sex with Jack had been interrupted by a Rift alert and all Ianto could think was....well.....Thank God. Jack had almost gotten his shirt off when they were stopped mid snog. It was probably for the best. He reached blindly for the shampoo. He hadn't wanted to shag Jack anyway, not really..... or be shagged by him for that matter. Ianto tried not to think too hard about it. The whole idea of going back down that road with his boss was a stupid one. Office affairs always ended badly and the two of them had enough baggage between them to fully load a 747..... so he had been saved by the metaphorical bell. Though if he were honest with himself he'd prefer the shagging any day over trudging through a muddy field in the middle of the night only to find an unexploded bomb from the first world war that had fallen through the Rift. Jack dealt with it and they drove back, the moment of passion killed by tiredness and nearly freezing his bollocks off.

Jack hadn't pushed the issue even though it was clear he was more than willing to pick up where they had left off. Ianto just felt confused, his emotions swinging from one extreme to the next. The nagging gut ache had come back with a vengeance. Bloody Suzie, the creepy cow and Ianto also realised he was still somewhat pissed at the fact that Gwen had not been reprimanded for breaking a very serious protocol.

Ianto realised as he rinsed his hair that his bitterness toward Gwen had nothing really to do with broken regulations. He was jealous of her, she had a relationship..... all be it one she clearly didn't care about..... but she had one, someone to go home to, someone who would cook her a nice meal and lay on the couch watching TV with her. She had everything he'd lost. He found it distasteful that she was cheating with Owen and practically begging Jack each time she looked at him.......He stopped that thought in its tracks. He could not get involved. Torchwood was just too complicated and too dangerous to leave room for attachments no matter how lonely it got. And yes he was lonely. Ianto had never felt more so and part of him longed to be back in Jack's office taking whatever physical comfort he could get.

No, not again. Ianto knew where that path led and he just couldn't.... wouldn't put himself through that again. If Jack needed that kind of comfort, he would have to seek it elsewhere and Ianto had to be bloody sure not to offer it again.

He shut off the water jet and padded out of the shower cubical grabbing a large towel from the radiator and wrapping it around his waist as he wandered back through his house to the kitchen. Damn it, it was almost breakfast time. Another night had got by him without any sleep being had.

Jack had been perplexed and rather disappointed when Ianto had asked to be dropped off at his home rather than the Hub. Jack hadn't commented. Ianto was obviously uncomfortable with what had happened in his office despite being the one to instigate it. Jack really didn't get 21st century guys. Either you wanted sex or you didn't. Ianto was constantly confused and it seemed to Jack as though the younger man was out of his time too. It was a muddled mix of the insightful, painfully shy and desperately lonely that had Jack so attracted to padded his ego to think that he could make Ianto feel better just by getting him in the sack.

Nothing was so straight forward.

Humans on Earth always did have a habit of making sex too complicated. Jack loved sex, he loved being held...... tactile contact full stop and Ianto behaved like he'd never had a hug in his whole life. It was as if the Welshman was afraid of being broken if squeezed too hard. The thing was Ianto really was a great lover, inventive, curious and trusting and Jack missed that. He missed the quiet banter after sex, he missed the post coital coffee and the whispered Welsh. It was stupid. They were material sensations that he could pay for if he chose to, if things got that desperate. Jack knew he was missing something fundamental and he couldn't work out what it was.

When he got back to the Hub he wandered down to the morgue and pulled open Suzie's draw. He drew back the shroud and stared down at her white face, even in death she looked unsettled. Jack couldn't blame her, personal demons had taken over her life, whether or not the glove was responsible for that or just a catalyst was anyone's guess. Jack found himself wondering if he had let her down in some way, maybe he had because he hadn't been looking, hadn't asked. Ianto's words came back to haunt him. The truth was he never asked. Most of him didn't want to know, long as he got what he wanted. Jack knew he was selfish beyond belief and part of him thought he was entitled to it. He thought the Doctor had made him a better person, but the reality was entirely different. Jack was just the same as he had ever been, selfish, vain and out for what he could get. A hundred years of loss and waiting could do that to a man who never changed.

He reached out and readjusted a strand of Suzie's tangled hair. Ianto had done his best, as he always did when managing the corpses. He never let any of them lose their dignity. Jack wondered why he bothered. But Ianto was young and naive enough to still have faith in something, Jack quietly hoped he did anyway. With Ianto it was hard to tell. Jack covered her face and pushed the drawer back into its place, right under the one where what was left of Lisa resided. Ianto had dealt with her too. Of course the Welshman would tell him that was his job, Jack wondered how he managed it without losing himself down here with all this death. But then Ianto was mortal and perhaps ultimately that was the only difference between them. He turned away, glancing at his watch, time for a shower then before the start of another day and the long lecture Gwen was in for, when she got in.

**AN: I hope this is right.... in keeping as I am trying to keep to canon as much as possible... Introspection is very hard to write......Who is entering the Torchwood Magazine competition then?!!**


	21. Chapter 21

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 21**

Gwen settled herself in the chair in front of Jack's desk, one of Ianto's special brews clutched between her hands. Jack was sipping on his own mug of industrial strength, gathering his thoughts for a moment before speaking. Gwen watched him closely as she savoured the coffee. Jack really was quite beautiful.....

"We need to talk about what happened with Suzie." Jack stated lowering his mug. "What you did was incredibly stupid."

Gwen arched her eyebrows. "Stupid?"

"Yes, Gwen. We had no idea exactly what was happening with the connection between you and Suzie, as it is you almost died and Suzie was a serial killer, for crying out loud." Jack was very good, he kept his voice level, his body language relaxed. "What the hell were you thinking?"

His newest team member looked contrite. "I'm sorry Jack. It won't happen again."

Ok, that was painless. "You're right, it won't. You put yourself at risk, you endangered us and Suzie's father is dead...... I'm not angry with you Gwen. I just want you to understand the consequences of your actions. Consider it an official reprimand." Not that that would mean much in terms of punishment. Gwen leant forwards placing her empty mug on the edge of Jack's desk.

"I'm sorry, but Suzie, she got to me. I replaced her Jack. I couldn't just ignore her. I thought I was helping."

Not so painless then. "You still broke with strict protocols that are there for a reason. You have a big heart Gwen, I get that. It's why I brought you on the team, but sometimes you just have swallow down your compassion, because if you don't people could die."

Gwen sighed uncomfortably and glanced out of the window.

"You're talking about Ianto, aren't you?"

Jack frowned thinking for a moment and following Gwen's gaze. "He's still suffering from the guilt. You really don't want the same mistakes on your conscience."

The Welshwoman couldn't disagree with that. "Was there a time when you would have made an error like that?" She fixed her gaze on him now and Jack found himself unable to meet it.

"Yes and I have eternity to think about it..... Just don't break anymore rules. I need your humanity Gwen as a guide to keep the rest of us from falling into darkness, but you have to hang on to your police training, your ability to trust in the chain of command. The rules are there....."

"For a reason, I know Jack. Are you going to punish me?"

"Do I need to?"

Gwen nodded in the direction of the window. "Perhaps they need you to. You punished Ianto......."

"I think he did that to himself....... You can be on cell duty for a couple of weeks, clean out the various animal nests or something, though I suspect Ianto won't let you do it anyway..... No, I didn't punish Tosh, I will not punish you. Suzie outwitted us all, me most of all. I just needed you to understand. You made a choice, the wrong one and you are lucky to be alive."

"I know that Jack and I really am sorry."

He nodded finally looking her directly in the eyes. "Good.... right ... ok, can you send Ianto in please?"

Gwen took that as a dismissal and made a hasty exit from the office, relieved to have gotten off so lightly. She bounded down the steps and called out.

"Ianto, Jack wants you."

Her head swung round when she heard Owen mutter. "I'll bet he does."

Ianto did not appear.

"He's up in the tourist office." Tosh informed her, not bothering to look up from her terminal. Gwen decided to go up and get him, rather than use the coms.

She walked in on a conversation in fluent Japanese between Ianto and two elderly tourists. Fortunately for her they were actually standing outside on the quay, Ianto pointing out something across the bay, it would've taken some explaining..... the secret door in the tourism office. Ok, that's why the others used the com, they really did get tourists. She hung back behind the counter noting a little photograph of a pretty black girl hidden discreetly on the far side of Ianto's monitor. Lisa before her conversion. Gwen picked it up and was examining the picture when Ianto came back in, closing and locking the door behind him. He froze the moment he registered what she held in her hands and then he stepped forwards snatching the picture from her grasp and replacing it where she had found it. Gwen automatically stepped back sensing the tension rolling off her younger colleague. She was at a loss for words for a moment.

"Er... uhm... Jack wants to see you in his office.."

Ianto said nothing as he hit the red button under the counter to open the door to the Hub. He was in such a sour mood and she had no right to touch that photograph. He stalked past Gwen and took the stairs two at a time, in no mood to exchange conversation with anyone. His stomach refused to settle, even with the meds he had taken and Ianto wondered if he needed to see Owen's friend again. He shoved the thought aside as he headed up to Jack's domain and tapped on the door. He was gestured in through the window and Ianto stepped in and closed the door behind him with a gentle click.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" His voice was light and cheerful gave nothing of how he was feeling away. Jack looked up from his paperwork and the smile dropped from his face.

"You look like shit." He commented.

"Why thank you, sir. Did you ask me here to insult me or was there something you actually wanted me to do?"

Jack pointed at the chair that Gwen had so recently vacated. Ianto was vaguely aware of her lingering perfume and the fact that the seat was still warm, which made him wince. He sat bolt upright his hands resting flat on his thighs to stop them from shaking. Jack watched him closely and Ianto decided he was either being mentally undressed or dissected and he couldn't determine which.

"Sir?"

Jack grinned, that annoyingly arrogant megawatt one.

"You ran out on me last night, care to tell me what that was all about?" He steepled his fingers against his chin, blue eyes burning like gas flames.

Ianto shrugged, he really didn't want to talk about that now.

"Is this the time or place for this conversation?"

Jack nodded slowly. "You're the first person who has ever done that to me."

Ianto pretended like he didn't care. "Did you need me to do something, sir."

Jack dropped his hands to his desk with a scowl. "Damn you, the expense accounts and.... sorry about this..... there are two outstanding parking fines on your car..... because I borrowed it whilst you were on suspension. I kinda forgot." He pushed across the offending documents and a large roll of £20 notes. "Sorry."

Ianto kept his face straight and reached over and took the money and the notices.

"Is that all?"

Jack had the decency to look apologetic even if he didn't feel it. He huffed out a breath and then widened his grin.

"No, that's it."

Ianto rose to his feet and walked to the door, saying nothing as he left the room leaving Jack to sigh heavily in his wake. Damn.

Ianto strode across the Hub and headed to the coffee machine. Two could play at this game.

Jack was smarting over his mug of decaf when the call about Eugene Jones came through.

**AN: 2 Questions..... Would Jack let Gwen get away with what she did?... Does this sequence even work? Is Gwen in character?...... whoops sorry that's 3.....**

**Deemama feel free to rant...... I know a number of you are not fussed on Gwen... I'm sitting on the fence. because I like her, but she is very hard to write.**


	22. Chapter 22

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 22**

The 'G' section of the archive really was in a mess, even Ianto, who was accustomed to finding things in disarray, was rather stunned. His shoulders sagged as he stepped into the dingy room, damp somethings squelching under his shoes..... and what WAS that smell? Sodden boxes lay crumpled and sagging on the wet floor and some that had once been stacked against the brickwork had collapsed in a chaos of soggy cardboard and rotten wood. Ianto sincerely hoped that there was nothing hazardous in there.... who was he kidding, he'd be lucky if there wasn't given his line of work. He backed out of the offensive chamber, tempted to lock forever, and decided on overalls, boots, mask and gloves for this job, if only to avoid accidently touching rotting rat corpse or something far worse. You could never be too sure, or too careful for that matter. He trudged back to his supply room on the next level up and changed clothes, only at the last minute remembering to slip his com back into his ear. He hated the bloody thing, but it was one of Jack's rules, mostly so that the annoying man could always yell for coffee no matter where in the complex Ianto actually was.

Gwen was off on a one girl mission to look into Eugene Jones' death and Tosh and Owen had both opted to take a couple of days off whilst things looked to be quiet. Ianto had no idea where Jack was. His boss had gone swanning off somewhere an hour before without so much as a see you later. Ianto didn't care much, he was glad to have to the Hub to himself to get on with out disturbance. Much as he hated the mess, he loved the archive. It was the one place where he could bury himself in things new, learn on his own terms and obsessively clean to his hearts content.

With his trolley stacked with things ranging from a mop to a scanner he made his way back down to the lower levels and submerged himself in his work. It was nice, quiet and for once his gut wasn't giving him quite the grief it had done the day before. No one bothered him, though he had disturbed a couple of mice and a rather leggy spider. Ianto trapped them with the intention of releasing them into his little garden when he got home. He'd never killed a spider in his life and he was brought up short by the realisation that he had murdered someone in cold blood within days of 'Canary Wharf'. He sucked down the thought, it had been deserved and he was serving his penance. Let it go. Ianto knew he never would, not in this lifetime anyway.

It was late when Jack got back to the Hub. No one had called him so he could only assume that the world hadn't gone to shit whilst he'd been out at Flat Holm. He flung his damp coat over the radiator in his office and went straight for the decanter of scotch on the side board behind his desk. A quick glance on the monitor there told him that Ianto was the only other person in the Hub and he'd had no word from Gwen regarding the Eugene thing. He knew Gwen was wasting her time but she obviously needed this and Jack half wondered if a part of her was trying to make amends for the whole Suzie episode. He found himself quietly comforted by that as he swallowed a measure of single malt and plonked himself into the chair behind his desk. He hated visiting the Island and Alison hadn't been at home to offer up the usual distraction that Jack needed after such a visit. It was then he had an idea and abandoning his drink he headed down to the archive section G to see how Ianto was getting on. He wasn't entirely certain how exactly how to get to section G, but he was desperate enough for a diversion to try and find it.

Whatever it was he was expecting to find, this wasn't it. The damp corridor was partially blocked with bin liners stuffed to bursting point and when Jack turned into the store room in question he discovered Ianto, mop in gloved hand, his not so pristine white boilersuit streaked with rank smelling whatever the hell it was and Jack's hand went straight to cover his nose.

"Jeez it stinks!"

Ianto nearly leapt out of his skin, the mop clattering to the brickwork floor as he spun round in shock.

"Sir!"

"Ianto...... what are you doing?"

Jack was surprised to see flushed sweaty cheeks where the mask wasn't covering normally pale flesh. Ianto frowned as he retrieved his mop.

"I'm doing my job, sir and trying to sort this mess. There must have been a flood down here. The smell is rotting various somethings including rodent and cardboard." Ianto uncovered his face reluctantly, the smell really was appalling. "There's a lot of stuff in here that needs cleaning and most likely re-cataloguing. I'll need you to sign a requisition form for more suitable containment cases. When was the last time anyone came in here?"

Jack had no idea. "No clue." He edged into the room the single light bulb casting a stark yellow light over the mess. "Is there anything dangerous in here?"

"I'll let you know.... it'll be me screaming..... or going 'that's what that button does then' I expect." Ianto gazed about looking thoroughly dispirited, despite hours of work he hadn't made much progress. "I'll just carry on, unless you need me for something?"

Jack could think of a lot of things but he kept those thoughts to himself and undid his cuffs slipping his silver spitfire links into his trouser pockets and rolling up his sleeves.

"No, why don't I give you a hand down here, then you can finish much sooner and make me coffee."

Ianto actually gawped at him. "Sir?"

"It can't be that hard surely?"

Ianto knew that it could easily be with Jack involved.

"Come on Ianto, where do you want me?"

Ianto rolled his eyes at the leer and gestured to the door. "Well, if you insist. You can dump those bags into the incinerator and bring back some more empty ones, along with my tool kit, those shelves will have to come down before they fall down."

Jack mock saluted and got on with the job. Ianto went back to mopping up the smelly sludge from off of the floor.

They worked in contented silence. Jack making various trips with the rubbish sacks as Ianto continued to fill them with ruined paper files and mouldy cardboard. Salvageable items were arranged on the floor and the rickerty shelves were taken down. Three hours later and Jack called a halt to the proceedings when he realised just how tired Ianto was looking and cursed himself for not remembering that Ianto was still not too long recovering from serious illness.

"I think we should continue this tomorrow." He made a show of glancing at his watch, shocked to discover that it was almost 8:30 in the evening.

"Time for a shower and dinner, whaddya say?"

Ianto straightened himself up and arched his back to shift the ache in his lower spine, his ribs were still protesting and he felt exhausted.

"Yes, sir. I'll just finish......."

"Now Ianto. I know you've been here all day at this. You need to stop for the day." Jack told him firmly.

Ianto finally nodded and stepped past Jack into the corridor. "I'll be off home then, sir." He said pulling off the latex gloves. Jack flicked off the light switch and hurried to catch up.

"You could always stay here tonight, have take outs..... watch a movie." He cringed at his own neediness. Ianto stopped and turned and Jack almost collided with him.

"No sir. Thank you. I'd just as soon get home." He replied trying his best at sounding disinterested because stupidly he was VERY interested. He wanted the company and was a little shocked to see Jack's smile drop. Ianto hesitated for a moment not sure what to do.

"Why don't you come back to mine, I can cook a proper meal then, or you can..... you're probably a better cook anyway."

"If you're sure."

Ianto nodded. "Just dinner, sir. Nothing else. It would be nice not to have eat alone and I am fed up with take out."

It wasn't quite what Jack had on his agenda, but it would do. "Sure, sounds good."


	23. Chapter 23

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 23**

Ianto keyed the front door to his house, switching on the light as he stepped into the hallway.

"You'll have to excuse the mess, I've had the decorators start work today." He'd settled on an old school aquaintance from back in Newport.... better the devil you know and Caleb was trustworthy. There were sheets covering the floors and already the hallway had been stripped of the offensive flowery wall paper from the sixties. Ianto cast a critical eye over the work as he headed toward the kitchen and was pleased to see that good progress had been made and a note had been left on the kitchen bench along with a pile of swatch booklets and wall paper samples. Ianto went straight to his coffee machine and set it going whilst Jack hung back in the doorway of the kitchen, which still looked very much like Ianto hadn't really unpacked anything.

"I should give you more time off." He commented finally removing his greatcoat and hanging it up on a hook on said door. Ianto turned and faced him unbuttoning his own coat.

"Because?"

"Technically you are still ill? Because you've moved house and haven't even unpacked yet?" Jack shrugged.

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Dinner. The fridge is full and so is that cupboard and the freezer is through there." Ianto hung his coat up over Jack's.

"Any preference?"

"Cooked would be good."

Jack was pleased to note the return of Ianto's dry wit.

"Very funny." He said studying the contents of the fridge whilst Ianto washed up a couple of mugs.

"I don't mind, sir. Really whatever you feel like, so long as I eat something."

Jack sighed. "You make it sound like you don't like food."

The aroma of Java Black wafted around them.

"After Brynnblaidd.... to be honest I find it a battle to open the fridge door some days. I keep thinking I'm going to see a row of eyeballs or something. The thought they were chewing on my leg and that scar is never going to go. I got sent an appointment from the hospital to see a shrink. How do I explain that to an NHS quack?"

Jack straightened up, his arms full of various vegetables.

"I could get Owen to refer you to someone in UNIT?"

Ianto poured to mugs of coffee and slid one along the bench to Jack, he shook his head.

"I wouldn't be able to trust them...... I know what they did to Tosh. If I happen to mention Lisa I'd be locked up in seconds, never to see the light day and they'd disappear me....."

Jack was frowning at him as he searched out the chopping board and a knife.

"Explain."

"Think about it sir. I probably have more intimate knowledge about Cybermen than anyone else on Earth, you can't tell me that isn't..... well a commodity."

Jack shuddered internally. "You're paranoid." He joked, though neither of them were laughing. A long and somewhat awkward silence followed, punctuated by Jack's cutting up of the mushrooms and the peppers and onions.

"I miss her."

It was completely random and utterly heartfelt and Jack hesitated for a moment before carrying on.

"She must have been something special for you to have done what you did."

Ianto nodded.

Jack decided to change the subject, Lisa was not something he wanted to go over.

"Have you spoken to your family lately?"

Ianto almost gagged on his coffee. "What?..... Er no, why?"

"Just wondered. I couldn't get hold of your sister whilst you were in hospital."

"You rang my sister?"

Jack froze glancing at the incredulous expression on the younger man's face. "Yes, you were touch and go for a while there. I thought it was the decent thing to do."

"Did you speak to them?"

"No, like I said....."

"Thank God for that." Ianto paced the kitchen, mug gripped tightly in his hand.

"I don't really get on with them. My sister and I haven't spoken for ages, not really since Tad died."

"And your mother?"

Ianto shrugged. "We're not exactly a happy family."

Jack knew, he'd read the file, the one that Ianto had tried to hide.

"Do you have a pan?"

"Will a wok do?"

Jack nodded wondering what the difference was. Ianto found the cooking tools and let Jack get busy with the cooking. He sat at the cluttered dining table and began perusing the paint swatches wondering what colours to choose for his house. It was weird it was something he had hoped to do with Lisa one day and now Jack was standing in his kitchen making them dinner. He flipped through the little charts idly and finally put them down.

"What's it like?"

Jack turned his head, confused by the question. "It would help if I knew what you were asking about."

Ianto abandoned the table and moved to the kitchen sink to resume washing some plates so that they could eat.

"Well, being.... old. I mean I know you're different....."

Jack flashed him a grin. "Less of the 'O' word. I don't know, for me this is normal." He replied trying to bluster out of giving a straight answer. Ianto wasn't fooled for a moment.

"Really sir, how old are you?"

"That is a very rude question Ianto Jones."

He got the message and fell into silence, concentrating on the dishwashing. The smells coming from the wok were really rather nice and Ianto found himself actually looking forward to eating.

"More coffee, sir?"

Jack nodded, relieved that the previous line of enquiry had been abandoned.

"You can call me Jack..... I seem to remember telling you this before. This is your home Ianto."

"You're still my boss." Ianto needed that distance, he needed to feel like he was in his place. It was just easier that way.

Jack sighed quietly as he stirred in a packet of rice noodles.

Ianto's phone rang and he picked it up, checking the caller ID and then rejecting the call. It rang again and he repeated the action. Jack gave up being surprised by the odd things that Ianto seemed to do.

"Problem?"

"My sister. I don't know why she bothers she knows I've no wish to converse with her."

Jack decided it was probably politic not to ask why. "This is done."

Ianto passed him two hot plates.

They ate in companionable silence, well apart from the occasional slurping as Jack sucked up stringy noodles into his mouth. He was pleased to note the display brought the very faintest of smiles to Ianto's face. It was really quite a beautiful face. Ianto had no idea just how beautiful he was. The meal was done and Ianto cleared the plates away into the sink.

"Thank you sir. You really can cook."

Jack grinned at him and Ianto made a third round of coffee.

"So, what now Mr Jones?"

Ianto passed him a mug and Ianto sat back down sorting through 4 different prescription boxes and popping his nightly doses.

"It's way past my bedtime." He yawned indulgently.

Jack leant back into the chair. "I'm serious about what I said earlier. Take some time out."

"I couldn't. All I'd do is rattle around here trying to move things into place and Owen'll kill me if I do any damage......"

"Yet you can rattle around in the archive moving things????"

"Touche. I'm fine sir. Just tired is all."

Jack finished his coffee and stood up and went to get fetch his coat. Ianto automatically got up and helped Jack into it, brushing down the shoulders and smoothing away the creases.

"This needs cleaning."

Another smile graced Jack lips as he turned to face the younger man wanting to kiss away the frown from his brow. He sniffed his sleeves one after the other.

"Smells ok to me."

Ianto shook his head and led him to the front door.

"Thanks for today, sir."

Jack opened the door and leant against the jamb, cool air from the outside weaving about them. Ianto shivered slightly.

"It's good to see you getting better."

Ianto shrugged and dipped his chin and Jack's hand was there guiding his face back up so that their eyes met and held. Jack felt as though he were gazing into an abyss, eyes so old..... too old for just a boy. Ianto chewed at his bottom lip and tried not to fall. In that instant he failed.

"Good night Ianto." Jack dropped his hand and strode away, coat tails flapping in his wake.

Ianto closed the door against the chill of the night.

**AN: Did this work?.... not too soppy? Is it soppy.... I think I need some action in the next chapter and get your minds out of the gutter.... I know what you are thinking!!!!**


	24. Chapter 24

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 24**

Ianto sat and listened to Gwen's tale, enthralled by the recounting of Eugene Jones' ghost saving her from being run over. It was like listening to a romantic fairytale and had a 'feel good' quality about it that their work so often lacked. He hung on every word.... even if it was Gwen. It was just wonderful to hear about something nice for a change. Jack watched the younger man from across the boardroom table, startled by how much Ianto's whole demeanour had changed as he listened to the tale, studying the Dogon Eye as his colleague talked. Ianto was peering into it as a child would screw its eye up to gaze into a telescope. It was amazing to watch this rare display of boyish curiosity and joy.

The meeting finished and Ianto alone remained at the table, reports and files spread out in front of him as he finished finalising Gwen's mission report for the archive. Every so often he picked up the eye and gazed into it, fascinated by the whirl of colour as it shifted and morphed inside the little orb. He was itching to do as Eugene had, swallow it down and discover something about himself..... isn't that what Jack had said? A revelation? Ianto didn't doubt it for one moment and he wondered what it was that Eugene had found..... right before he died. He placed the Eye into a small containment case, sealed it in and labelled the metal box with the appropriate codes, deciding that the best place for it would be the secure archive in Jack's office. He closed up the folders and suddenly realised that Gwen was standing in the doorway, her arms folded across her chest. Ianto smiled faintly at her as he gathered together everything he needed to put away.

"Can we talk?" She asked.

Ianto nodded and gestured to the chair opposite him.

"What's on your mind, Gwen?"

She sat, her hands clasped on the table.

"We see some weird stuff in this job, don't we."

Ianto's smile hung there uncertain. "Yes, sometimes I still can't believe some of things I see and I've been with Torchwood over two years now."

Gwen realised how often she forgot that, Ianto seemed too young but he had seen so much more than she had.

"All those times I dismissed Eugene, like he didn't matter and he saves me. It made me realise just how often I have dismissed you as just our office clerk, the tea boy and cleaner. I know you are more than that."

Ianto really didn't know where to put himself. "I am just an office clerk and cleaner Gwen.... It's my job, though I must confess no one makes coffee like I do."

She hitched a smile. "It may well be your job Ianto but......."

"It's fine Gwen. Thank you." He got to his feet, wanting to run for the hills..... so long as they weren't in Brecon. "Coffee?"

Gwen nodded, startled by his apparent embarrassment. "Er yes, thanks."

Ianto bolted, files and containment case tightly in his grasp.

The decorating was coming along nicely. Ianto was pleased with the progress and the quality of the work, so much so that he'd arranged to have the whole house done..... The joys of a Torchwood salary and the remaining money from the crown pay off after Canary Wharf. He decided he'd treat himself to a few comforts and spent a day wondering around Curry's looking for a new TV and stereo. He didn't need these things really, but he was determined to try and spend less time holed up at work and avoiding going home to an empty house. The reality of course was something entirely different. He'd ended up ordering most things on line and having them delivered to the tourist office because he could not guarantee being at home to receive them. The weevils got busy again, the Rift chucked out a lot of space rocks and the weather was playing havoc with a sudden increase in rain and wind because of some weird gizmo that took Tosh and Jack three days to deactivate. By the time things had settled down, the decorating had been finished and all of Ianto's new things were sitting in storage room G8 waiting for a lift home. To make matters worse for Ianto, Owen decided he was fit enough to come back to full duties and Jack decided that meant more field ops. Ianto wasn't impressed, but he said nothing hoping that Jack would see how rubbish he was and forget the whole damned idea. There was also the matter of Harold Saxon.

xxxxx

"Ianto, my office!" Jack's bellowing caused all four team members to lift their heads and look in their leader's direction. Ianto put down the report he was proofing and rolled his eyes in exasperation as he made his way up the steps.

"Would that be with or without coffee, sir?"

Jack growled. "With."

Ianto changed direction.

Ten minutes later and Jack was sipping on Brazilian elixir and Ianto was watching with degree of admiration the obscenely happy look on Jack's face.

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

Jack lowered his mug to the desk and shoved a folder at Ianto. "You're going to Whitehall to brief Saxon and Frobisher."

Ianto baulked. "Me? Forgive me sir but shouldn't you be doing that?"

Jack grinned. "I can't be held responsible for my actions..... Everything you need to know is in that folder, what isn't in there they don't need to know....." Ianto opened up the document and scimmed over the contents.

"I trust you to handle these people with your own special brand of tact and diplomacy."

"You mean, you hate these guys and are worried you may end up punching one of them if you go yourself?"

Jack actually batted his eyelashes at that. "Whatever makes you say that?"

They both smiled.

"Seriously sir, are you sure. I mean maybe Gwen would be better."

Jack shook his head. "You know everything there is to know, you also know how not to answer questions without them realising it. You are also highly observant........"

Ianto suddenly realised what Jack was asking. "You want me to check out Saxon?"

Jack tried to shrug it off. "He makes me uneasy. I want to him to think that by sending you, I don't think he is important enough to warrant my attention. No disrespect Ianto, but you are a master at down playing yourself. I am relying on your skill in that respect."

Finally Ianto nodded. "Alright."

Jack handed him an envelope. "Train tickets and hotel reservation, everything is paid for. You leave first thing tomorrow morning. Go home and study that folder and memorise it."

Ianto tucked the envelope into the folder and got to his feet. "Yes sir." He stood up. "Is that all?"

Jack nodded. "Yep."

Ianto turned to leave.

"Ianto......."

He stopped facing Jack, who was looking very seriously at him now.

"Be careful tomorrow, mind everything you say and do and call me tomorrow evening from the hotel."

"I will sir."

A little unsettled Ianto closed the door behind him and headed to his desk to get his coat and satchel.

xxxxxxxx

The train was late and the journey across London on the underground was its usual unpleasant self. Ianto checked himself into the InterContinental Hotel at 10am and deposited his bags, giving his room a cursory look over before heading on to Whitehall with his briefcase. Going through security was a laborious affair and Ianto was escorted through a maze of corridors to a dark wood room somewhere in the bowels of the building.

He was greeted by Bridget Spears and ushered into Frobisher's office.

"Would you like tea or coffee Mr Jones?"

Ianto shook his head, government beverages were never to be taken under any circumstances.

"No thank you Miss Spears."

The woman left him there sitting opposite Frobisher, the cluttered, expansive desk between them.

The acerbic Scots man eyed the mild mannered Welshman and hitched a somewhat predatory smile.

"I see Captain Harkness has foisted this little meeting on you, what's his excuse this time?"

Ianto smiled. "Oh, the usual, sir. Just can't leave the Rift to its own devices. I am more than capable of......."

"Yes, I am sure you are." A smooth voice, purred from behind Ianto in a clipped BBC English accent.

Ianto turned in his seat then immediately rose to his feet extending his hand.

"Mr Saxon? Ianto Jones Torchwood 3."

Ianto felt a chill run through his very bones as Saxon gripped his hand and vigorously shook it.

"Mr Jones.... may I call you Ianto? I do like to be on first name terms."

Ianto nodded, relieved when his hand was released...... the words of Yvonne Hartman springing to mind. This did not bode well. Ianto knew he was looking into shrewd, clever eyes that wouldn't miss a beat.

"Yes, sir of course."

"Tush tush, less of the sir. It's Harry." Saxon grinned and pointed to the seat.

"Shall we?"

Ianto was puzzled by the day. Saxon had oozed charm like an oil slick. He came away from the meeting with a distinct unease settling into his gut. Frobisher had barely uttered a word, content to sit back and let Saxon do all the questioning. There was no doubt that Saxon had clearly read every single report from Torchwood 3. He had extensive knowledge, which Ianto was almost certain hadn't come from any of those reports and he was far too curious about Jack. Ianto hoped he had skilfully dodged the questions as Jack had asked. What freaked him out even more was finding Jack himself lying sprawled out on the bed and happily reading something that looked suspiciously like a porn magazine, when he got back to the Hotel.


	25. Chapter 25

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 25**

Ianto tossed aside his brief case and room key and stood by the door, hands on hips glaring at his boss.

"What are you doing here, sir?" He almost squealed and Jack sat up with a massive grin on his face, which quickly fell away when he saw the expression on Ianto's face. He was immediately alert.

"Ianto, what happened today?"

Ianto was at a loss, too gob smacked and disconcerted to get a word out, he headed straight for the mini bar instead and helped himself to a large scotch. It took him a few moments gather his wits as he sank down into a chair and kicked off his expensive leather soled shoes.

"Jesus Jack.... what the fuck is going on? Why are you in London?"

Jack frowned.

"Ok, lets start again.... Hi Ianto, how was your day?"

Ianto swore at him and took another swig from the glass in his hand. "I'm ordering room service, are you hungry, sir?"

"Right we're back to sir now.... that's good I was starting to worry."

Ianto rolled his eyes and picked up the hotel menu from the table, trying to order his thoughts.

"Seriously why are you here?"

Jack smiled again, something much less leery, bordering on affectionate.

"I thought we could.... you know..... on neutral ground..... catch up a little."

Ianto held his uncertain gaze for a long time and then finally smiled himself, his shoulders relaxing.

"Sounds nice, sir."

"Jack..... we're not at work."

Ianto put the menu down and sighed. "Actually sir, I think we are. We need to talk about Saxon."

"We do?"

Ianto nodded.

"Can we do it over dinner? It's a long drive from Cardiff."

Ianto tossed him the menu. "Would you order then? I'd like to get a shower."

Jack followed with his gaze as Ianto headed toward the ensuite. "Need a hand in there?"

"I think I can manage, sir."

The food was there waiting when Ianto came out of the bathroom in t-shirt and trackpants, towelling at wet hair. Jack enjoyed the view as Ianto sat opposite him at the small table.

"So tell me....."

Ianto piled steamed rice and vegetables on his plate, grateful that Jack had avoided meat dishes.

"Harold Saxon gives me the creeps. I thought Frobisher was bad enough but Saxon reminded me of Hartman." He sipped on the iced water that Jack poured for him.

"Go on."

"He knows a lot more than we tell him Jack. I can only assume that some of that information has come through UNIT, but definitely not all of it. He seemed to have some information on all of us, but he was asking a lot of questions about you..... about your personal life.... about some of the people you see, if you get my drift. He asked me questions about my family.... it was just weird..... friendly; but I still felt like I was being examined the whole time and it's given me a whopper of headache."

Jack listened intently as he shovelled his food down. Ianto ate far more delicately as he talked.

"It was just..... He felt wrong Jack from the moment I shook his hand I felt that there was something.... wrong..... it's the only word I can think of. He scared me. He looked at me and I swear he could read my thoughts......."

Jack looked up at that and fixed Ianto with an intense look. Ianto lowered his fork.

"What is it?"

"Did he?"

Ianto frowned in confusion. "Did he what?"

"Read your thoughts, did Saxon read your mind?"

Ianto couldn't believe that Jack was asking, but then really he should, this was Torchwood.

"Honestly Jack?"

Jack nodded.

"Then yes..... not that I know what it feels like."

"You don't need to, I trust your instincts, it's why I sent you here. If Saxon was reading your mind, I think you'd know. You've always been very 'aware' of everyone around you."

Ianto chose not to comment and finished the rest of his meal in silence after that. Jack watched him for a moment before continuing to eat himself.

Jack dumped the trolley of dishes out in the corridor outside the room and closed the door, making sure it was locked. A quick glance at his watch told him it was almost 8pm. He thought about calling Owen, but decided against it. Someone was bound to call if there were trouble in Cardiff. The others could cope without him for a night, of that he was sure. Ianto had turned on the TV, channel hooping and finding nothing he'd turned it back off. He looked at Jack, suddenly aware that he was being watched.

"Sir?"

Jack smiled. "I'm gonna get a shower."

Ianto sighed. "Er... were you planning on staying here all night?" He asked trying to sound like he had a say in the matter.

Jack shrugged. "You want me to leave?"

"I don't mind if you stay. I just don't want anything to happen."

Jack arched his eyebrows.

"Ianto, I would never......"

"That's not what I meant Jack! I know you wouldn't do that. I just don't want you to be mislead here. I'm just too mixed up, I can't...."

"It's just sex Ianto."

Jack watched the Welshman blush prettily.

"Not to me it isn't. It never was."

Jack kept his expression neutral. "I'll have the couch, you look like you need the sleep."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Don't be an ass Jack. I can trust you to keep to your side of the bed can't I?"

Jack grinned at that. "You can trust me all you like, but I don't." He disappeared into the bathroom leaving Ianto to sigh. The confusion of his feelings towards Jack adding to his headache. He was tempted to have another shot of whiskey but thought that might not be his best move.

Jack decided that the best thing for him to do was deal with himself in the shower, get dry and dressed and drive back to Cardiff. He got the shock of his very long life when Ianto slammed him against the bathroom door and kissed him senseless.


	26. Chapter 26

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 26**

"Ianto I....."

"Shut up Jack."

Ianto pulled on his t-shirt and track pants and retreated to the bathroom and locked himself in. He leant against the door and sank down onto the tiled floor burying his face in his hands.

Sighing Jack got off the bed and searched the room for his clothes. He got dressed in silence and then went to the bathroom door and tapped on it.

"Ianto.... come on talk to me."

Silence.

Jack sat himself down on his side of the door, he swore blind that he could feel Ianto's heat through the wood.

"It wasn't THAT bad, was it?" He called out.

He heard Ianto shift and felt the door judder slightly against his back.

"Ianto?"

The lock released and Jack leapt to his feet and opened the door. Ianto stood there looking forlorn and guilty.

"I'm sorry Jack."

Jack smiled. "I'm not."

He reached out and grasped Ianto's arms and pulled him into an embrace. Ianto hesitantly wound his arms around Jack's waist and his head dropped to Jack's shoulder as a deep sob was heaved out. Jack held on and let him cry.

"Not the kind of response I usually get." He chuckled lightly and rubbed Ianto's back. "Sssshhh, it's ok Ianto.... let it go."

And Ianto did. Jack surprised himself by being unable to turn away. He'd welcomed the sex, Ianto was always good at that, especially when he took the lead and whatever the reason; Ianto had clearly needed that and now seemed to feeling guilty about it. Jack didn't mind being used. He understood it better than he would like to, immortality lead to a very lonely existence.....

Ianto prized himself away from the embrace and wiped at his face.

"God..... I'm so sorry." He couldn't meet Jack's compassionate gaze, didn't feel deserving of it.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Jack touched his arm. "Ianto, I mean that."

"You don't understand Jack."

Finally he looked up and Jack sucked in a startled breath at the raw emotions on display.

"Then tell me."

Ianto shook his head and then his gaze went to his bare feet.

"Ianto!"

The young Welshman turned and went and plonked himself on the edge of the messed up bed, his hands clasped between spread knees.

"I still hate you, but I.....don't....."

Jack sat at his side and slid an arm over his shoulders, which were still too prominent for Jack's liking.

"I get that Ianto, what's happened in the past is difficult at best, but this is now. It was just sex........"

Ianto tensed under his arm. "How can you say that when you are so....loving and gentle and you make me feel like I am the only thing in the universe with you?"

Jack shrugged quietly stunned by the words, he had no answer for that. "Maybe it's the pheromones." He smiled.

Ianto turned his head and looked at Jack, long and hard, chewing on his lower lip. "Who are you Jack?"

"I'm just someone who is as lonely as you are."

"You could have anyone, you're beautiful, you shine like the sun."

Jack was touched by the compliment but it was soured by his own life experiences.

"I can have anyone Ianto, but they can't have me..... I'm a constant, a thing that neither ages nor dies."

He was startled by Ianto's acceptance.

"Were you born like that?"

Jack shook his head, the memories hurt too much and he did not to talk about them, but somehow he felt that with Ianto, he should.

"No, I'm not sure what it was, but I died..... properly died and then I woke up and since then..... well, here I am, unchanged for over a 150 years."

"I'm sorry Jack."

Jack kissed his head. "Not your fault, you have....... like I said before, nothing to be sorry for."

Ianto sagged against him. "Is there anything I can do to make it better?"

Jack felt his heart burst under his ribs and he nuzzled his face into Ianto's messy hair.

"Just live your life Ianto, put your mistakes and regrets behind you and live like each day is your last." He felt Ianto nod his head and they lapsed into silence for a while until Ianto finally spoke.

"Do the others know?"

"Gwen knows, Owen suspects and Tosh.... well I'm not sure. Gwen saw me die the night Suzie put a bullet in her head, she shot me first. I came back and frightened Gwen half to death." He explained in hushed tones.

"So you do die then?"

"Yeah."

"Does it hurt? When you come back?"

"Yes, it does."

Ianto tightened his hold. "There's no one there to help you?"

"No."

"I will be... whenever I can be there Jack, I promise." Ianto wasn't sure what made him say that, but he meant every word.

Jack closed his eyes to try and stop the water flowing from them.

"You don't have to do that." He could feel Ianto's fingers grasping at the fabric of his shirt.

"You saved me Jack, much as I haven't really seen it or wanted to believe it, but you have. It's the least I can do."

"Thank you."


	27. Chapter 27

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 27**

Ianto's second day at Whitehall was just as unsettling as the first. Major Caldwell from UNIT and a general by the name of Patil were also in attendance. Ianto didn't know either of them and he knew most of the big wigs within UNIT. They discussed protocols, territory and which organisation should be responsible for what. The two UNIT officers glaring down at Ianto like he was some yuppie who had no business being there. Saxon seemed to notice their disdain and shocked the life out of Ianto by laughing at them and putting his arm protectively over Ianto's shoulder.

"You shouldn't mess with Mr Jones, gentleman. He's Torchwood's finest, quiet and deadly, Captain Jack's little protégé."

Ianto thought of a honeyed fork tongue and did his best not to shudder under the one armed embrace. The UNIT officers merely grimaced.

Ianto was more than glad to get out there and was grateful that Jack had driven back with the bulk of his luggage that morning. With his satchel slung over his shoulder Ianto headed down into the underground the distinct feeling of being followed gnawing at him. Twice he stopped and turned looking into a sea of commuters, he saw nothing and his unease only intensified, either he really was getting paranoid..... or the alternative was worse than the paranoia. He boarded the crowded train to Cardiff and sat at the window and watched the platform slide away as the train moved on the start of the journey. Ianto finally relaxed and allowed himself to think back to the events of 6 o clock that morning. Jack's phone ringing had woken them and Ianto had found himself wrapped in Jack's arms, feeling warm and secure for the first since Canary Wharf. As Jack had talked with Owen over the phone he had idly rubbed Ianto's back and the absence of anything other than..... Ianto didn't know what, but it had made him feel like Jack really cared. Ianto settled back into his seat and closed his eyes allowing the sound of the train to lull him into a doze.

"Is this seat taken?" A soft southern Irish accent.

A woman was standing there in the aisle, her briefcase in one hand a cup of coffee in the other. She was looking very harassed.

Ianto straightened himself up. "No, be my guest." He moved his coat.

He noted the little black and white 'vote saxon' badge on her lapel and sighed inwardly, his name was getting everywhere. He closed his eyes again, but the woman started to speak to him and Ianto was just too polite to ignore her. He even let her buy him a cup of coffee from the diner carriage further up the train because he had watched over her bags whilst she went to the loo. The coffee was a little too sweet for his taste but he sipped it and listened patiently as she sang Saxon's praises. Ianto didn't mind so much, he wasn't in the mood for deep and meaningful conversation anyway.

He was glad to be back home that evening and even happier to find Jack waiting for him at his house.

The following morning a plane from 1953 arrived.

Ianto was content to blend into the scenery and just do as asked. He made passports, organised some temporary accommodation and took them to the supermarket. He was enchanted by Diane's and Emma's reaction to Tesco and felt saddened at John's obvious discomfort. Jack and John seemed to have an affinity with one another and Ianto was more than happy to follow up on Jack's request to track down any surviving relatives. He made coffee, did the filing and watched quietly as Owen fell madly in love with Diane and Gwen became Emma's big sister. As for John..... Jack tried. Jack was quiet, disturbed by the arrival of these strangers into their midst. Ianto wasn't certain that he understood why, but he knew he was in for a lonely and unsettled Christmas....

John had taken his car keys and cursing Ianto made his way down to the Hub. Jack was still there, having dismissed the team for a couple of days break over Christmas and Boxing day. One would never believe it was the season to be jolly as there was no decoration in the Hub. No one had had time for such frivolity and Ianto's heart sank into his stomach at the thought of it. Were all his Christmas' going to be like this? Jack was in his office going over Ianto's report from his meetings with Saxon.

"Sir?"

Jack looked up and smiled softly and Ianto knew it was one that he only he ever got to see. There was an element of relief and no small amount of affection in that look.

"You should be on your way home by now."

"John's taken my car keys. I just wondered if you knew where he was going?"

Jack's smile dropped immediately.

"Can you track it?"

"Yes." Ianto headed down to Tosh's work station and ran the location software a moment later and Jack was at his shoulder his great coat on ready to leave. The address flashed up and Jack sighed.

"He's gone home. I'll take the SUV. Stay here, let me know if he moves."

A quick squeeze of Ianto's shoulder and Jack was gone. Ianto huffed out an uneasy breath and headed to the coffee machine. He contemplated ringing his sister for all of about five seconds. What was the use? They had nothing in common and couldn't talk about Lisa, or work.... or Jack for that matter. She had a life far removed from his own that he didn't understand and he did not want to contaminate that life. He'd sent money for Christmas for the kids. It wasn't enough, he knew, that but it was the best he could do for now. He sat with his coffee at the work station and watched as the SUV signal put itself not far from that of his car. He was half tempted to call Jack to check that everything was ok, but he discovered that Jack had turned off his com unit. A sense of dread ate at him making his head ache. An hour passed, then another and another and still nothing had changed. Ianto tried the com and got nothing. With fear burgeoning he got his gun and holstered it under his jacket, he grabbed the keys to the spare van and headed off to find Jack.

He lay there panting in the darkened hallway of the abandoned house, Jack's body in his arms. A flood of grief consuming him as he choked on the fumes still wafting around them. Jack's coat reeked of death and Ianto clung to him, cradling his head with fat tears rolling over his white cheeks.

"Please Jack.... wake up please..... Oh God, please let him live... please...."

The body jerked violently, air was gasped in and Jack struggled against the unfamiliar feeling of being restrained. He wasn't used to it and it frightened the life out of him. He wrestled with the flailing arms until the Welsh accent finally sank in. He stilled, searching out Ianto's hands and clutching them in his own trembling ones.

"Ianto..." It was more of a cough.

"Sssshhh Jack. I've got you. I've got you."

Jack shuffled round on the floor and turned resting his head against Ianto's chest feeling the warmth and hearing the rapid heartbeat. They held on to one another, breathing raggedly against the oppressive silence. Jack finally composed himself enough to speak.

"John?"

"He's dead Jack, I'm sorry."

Jack closed his eyes and tears escaped anyway. He'd hoped..... he'd hoped.... but no, Jack Harkness still gets to come back from the dead. He cried bitterly and Ianto held him, petting his hair and whispering soothingly in Welsh.

**AN: I hope this makes sense as I did not want to write the episode itself as that has already been done.....**


	28. Chapter 28

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 28**

Ianto closed the draw on John Ellis' life and followed Jack out of the morgue in silence. Jack headed straight for his office and closed the door behind him. He hadn't said a word since they had left the house.

_Ianto hadn't wanted to badger him with the questions he needed to ask, the look of raw pain in Jack's face had shut him up before he'd even opened his mouth. Instead he had steered Jack into the SUV and sat him down. He then went back into the house and started the clean up. His final task being the bagging of John's body, carrying it fireman style and loading it into the van. Ianto went back to the house and closed it up; he'd have to come back for his own car later. He returned to the SUV to find Jack staring into space._

_"Jack, will you be alright to drive?"_

_Jack swung his head round and Ianto hitched a breath. He simply nodded at the younger man_ _and Ianto reached out and squeezed his hand. "I'll follow you back to the Hub."_

Ianto went to the coffee machine, he glanced briefly in the direction of Jack's office and sighed when he saw his boss downing scotch straight from a bottle. Tonight was not going to be good, and it was bloody Christmas. He made coffee and took both mugs up with him and tapped on Jack's office door before entering. He was surprised to find a glass of the amber liquid waiting for him on Jack's desk. Ianto put down the mugs and sank into the chair. The office smelt of the petrol fumes still rising from Jack's clothing and the coat that he had abandoned on the floor. Ianto was just itching to pick it up, he stared at it morbidly and Jack speaking startled him out of his musings.

"You should go." It was ground out.

Ianto reached for his glass of scotch and slugged it one, savouring the burn over his throat.

"Perhaps, but I am not leaving you in this state, sir."

Jack swung his head to glare at the younger man. "Go home Ianto, there's nothing you can do here."

"I beg to differ, sir." Ianto edged the mug of coffee toward Jack. "I'm sorry about John, but you've already killed yourself once tonight....."

"Fuck off Ianto."

Ianto tried not to show how much that hurt him.

"No, sir."

Jack turned away and stretched back in his seat, the scotch bottle tipped back again as he gulped down another deep draught. Ianto sat there watching him worriedly, it had shaken him enough to find Jack dead in the car, but somehow this desolation in him was worse. He looked diminished and worn out.

"Why did you do it?" He ventured quietly almost afraid, though of what, he wasn't quite sure.

Jack turned empty eyes on him, so dark with exhaustion that Ianto thought for a moment how ancient he looked.

"I didn't want John to die alone. I.....I tried to talk him out of it.... but I couldn't.....I...."

"Knew how he felt and why he felt it?" Jack's eyes widened for a moment but he covered his surprise quickly.

"You didn't have to die with him Jack."

There it was, the use of his name again. Ianto didn't do it very often but when he did Jack always paid attention.

"No I didn't. I wanted to."

"I'm sorry that you feel that way about your life." Ianto meant it too, wishing that there was something he could do to help.

"Don't be, it's not your problem...... Go home Ianto." More scotch was swallowed and Jack slammed the bottle down on his desk angrily, the alcohol refusing flatly to addle his brain.

Ianto sat there quietly for a moment watching a flood of emotions pass in ripples over Jack's face.

"Come with me."

"What?"

Ianto added a smile this time. "Come with me, sir."

A chuckle.

"Why, Jones, Ianto Jones are you trying to......"

"No Jack, I am not! Stop trashing my compassion with innuendo. I am concerned and it's Christmas and I don't want you to be here on your own wallowing and I don't want to be in my house on my own, doing the exact same thing."

Jack frowned at him not sure whether to be angry or relieved. "You have family to visit."

Ianto shook his head. "No, I don't and by the looks of it, neither do you."

Jack settled on anger. "Get out!" He bellowed. He launched himself up and reached over the desk, grabbing Ianto by the lapels of his jacket and shoving him backwards. Ianto was sent tumbling out of his chair to the floor. He got to his feet and brushed himself down.

"Fine......" He was shaking with the shock. "You know where I am if you need me." He left the office and carefully closed the door behind him. It took him a moment to recognise the familiar itch of tears rolling over his cheeks.

Jack slumped back into his chair and grabbed the scotch bottle.

Ianto pulled on his coat and went around and turned off various lights and the terminals. He froze in his tracks at the sound of a gunshot from Jack's office. He turned and ran, flinging the office door open only discover two cobalt orbs staring lifelessly back at him, a spray pattern of blood, brain and bone decorating the wall behind them. Ianto bit down on his lower lip and turned and left, shucking his coat as he made his way to the cleaning cupboard. He started humming to himself as with shaking hands he gathered together a bin liner a pack of disposable cloths, gloves and a bottle of cleaner. His gut tightened with anxiety as he began the gruesome task of cleaning up the gore from Jack's office.

He wasn't certain how he knew, but he sensed the moment of Jack's resurrection about a minute before it happened. Ianto didn't question his instincts he just made sure he was holding on to Jack when he shuddered back into life. Jack's arms thrashed and Ianto restrained them, afraid he'd belt his hands against the side of the desk. It was awkward being bent over the back of the chair as he was, but as Jack sat there gasping his first breaths he reached his hands into Ianto's hair and gently caressed his scalp with his fingertips. Ianto edged away, disquieted by the intimate gesture. He went back to the cleaning. Jack stood up and inspected his stinking bloodied clothes.

"Is that invitation still on offer?" He asked hesitantly to Ianto's back. Ianto didn't turn to face him.

"Yes."

Jack nodded, even though the younger man couldn't see him. "Thank you. I'll just go and get a shower and get changed."

"I'll finish this then."

Jack nodded again, taking in the sight of the..... his mess. "I should do that."

This time Ianto turned to look at him and Jack was mortified to see a forgiving smile there. "It's alright, Jack. I'm nearly done. You go freshen up."

Feeling sick with guilt Jack turned and headed down into his bunker.


	29. Chapter 29

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 29**

Jack was surprised to discover just how warm and welcoming Ianto's house was after such a dreadful day. Ianto lead him to the kitchen at the back and as usual went straight to his coffee maker. Jack plonked himself down at the dining table, painfully aware that it was almost 4 in the morning and Ianto hadn't seen any sleep for over 30 hours. Ianto kept himself busy for a moment before finally turning to Jack with a faint smile.

"This'll be ready in a couple of minutes. I'm just going to get a shower so help yourself. There's loads of food in the fridge. I won't be long." He went to leave and Jack grasped his arm halting him.

"You should be in bed, you must be tired."

"Then why don't you pour the coffee and come up and join me when it's ready."

"I won't sleep, I'll just keep you awake."

Ianto hitched up a smirk. "You'd better."

He walked away shucking off his jacket as he went upstairs wondering if he was doing the right thing by bringing Jack home like this. Not that it was the first time, but this felt different, more intimate and Ianto wasn't entirely comfortable with it. He wasn't comfortable with leaving the man to suffer alone either. Ianto pulled off his suit that smelt of stale petrol and stuffed it into a plastic bag ready to go to the dry cleaners. The shower in his bathroom wasn't the latest and greatest, but the hot water worked wonders on sore and tense muscles and Ianto found himself sighing with pleasure when a few minutes in Jack squeezed into the tight space behind him and began to massage his shoulders under the shower jet. Ianto leant his forehead against the tiles and hummed with content as well practised fingers worked the magic on banishing knots and tightness. Jack chuckled at the sound, happy to elicit such a rare response from the younger man.

Jack surprised himself by falling asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillows, Ianto held in a loose embrace against his side.

Jack peered into the overstocked fridge and reached in to get the milk.

"So er...... Dinner?"

Ianto was fiddling with his Ipod, looking for something soothing to listen to. He settled on Ella Fitzgerald which brought an instant smile to Jack's face.

"You like Ella?"

Ianto shrugged. "I like most music that predates the 1960's." He replied. "Yes, dinner. There's a chicken in the fridge and vegetables. I was going to do myself a mini Christmas dinner."

Jack gave him a sideways look and passed a cup of tea to the Welshman who now had his head in the fridge. The tea ended up on the table as Ianto came away with his hands full.

"Aren't you supposed to have turkey for Christmas?"

Ianto arched an eyebrow. "Chew it for a bit longer, then it's turkey....Anyway a turkey's too big, I'd still be eating the leftovers at Easter."

Jack nodded at the sadness of it. "You should have gone to your sisters."

Ianto dumped everything on the bench and turned and faced him, hands on hips, looking every inch the boy he was in baggy jeans and long sleeved Led Zep T shirt.

"No I shouldn't. My family is not up for discussion. Anyway what would you have done otherwise?"

Jack shrugged, he didn't 'do' Christmas.

"Thought as much. You can help me eat this." He gestured at the food. "There's too much for just me and I don't want it going to waste."

Jack narrowed his eyes. "Please tell me you didn't plan this."

"No I didn't. Actually I was making sure I had enough in case Tosh..... but she hasn't called and I didn't want to embarrass her by calling myself."

Ianto turned away and sighed. Jack felt terrible but he hid it with a grin.

"Well, why don't I call her?"

Ianto picked up his mug of tea. He forced a smile onto his face when he turned to face Jack.

"I already did and I got her voicemail, so I left a message."

Jack could tell the smile was fake straight off and his shoulders sagged. "Ok, what have I said?"

Ianto shook his head and shrugged. "I'm not trying to impress you or win you over Jack, don't think that for a moment. It's just nice not to be alone and you never seem to look after yourself. You eat crap, live on coffee and casual sex and bluster through life and death like it doesn't mean anything........"

"I have a pretty unique perspective on the matter."

Ianto couldn't argue the point. "I wish I could understand."

"I'm glad you don't. I wouldn't wish my 'problem' on anyone. Now, before we go all maudlin and depressing shall we get started on the turkey that is chicken?"

"Yes, sounds like a plan."

The tension melted away and Jack happily set to the task of preparing their dinner and Ianto was content to find the things that he needed as he asked for them. With things on the stove and in the oven Jack washed his hands and pulled Ianto into a gentle embrace.

"Dance with me."

Without hesitation Ianto circled his waist with his arms and rested his chin on Jack's shoulder. They moved slowly, swaying to the lulling voice of Ella, both content to just be at peace in the moment, enjoying one another's warmth and solid presence. Something at the back of Jack's mind told him not to get used to this, but at that moment he chose to ignore his nagging conscience because right now he needed this more than anything else. Too often his relationships had been about hard and fast with defences on at maximum. Ianto was the total opposite, someone who challenged him, more than he cared to admit and someone, Jack realised, he was slowly coming to rely on far too heavily to be good for either of them.

"Why do you like older music?"

Ianto smiled to himself. "It just sounds nicer?"

Jack's chuckle rumbled against his chest. Ianto closed his eyes determined to allow himself this moment of simple pleasure while it lasted.


	30. Chapter 30

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 30**

They were about to start on the brandy snaps and Christmas pudding when Jack's wrist strap beeped alerting them to a problem with the Rift. In reflex they dropped their spoons, grabbed coats, keys and anything else they might need and Jack drove them to the Hub at break neck speed through the wet, deserted streets.

Ianto sat at Tosh's terminal scanning the data as it scrolled over the monitor.

"It's a tiny spike Jack, but something has come through. I can't see anything on the local CCTV though." He worked Tosh's program with practiced efficiency, shaking his head.

"Ok we'll just have to do a sweep of the area, scanners aren't picking up anything obviously threatening." Jack responded checking his Webley. Ianto watched him for a moment.

"Do you want me to call any of the others in?"

Jack shook his head. "Lets see what we are dealing with first."

"Ok." Ianto moved to grab one of the equipment cases from under Tosh's desk.

"Ready?"

"Yes, sir."

Jack did a double take and Ianto had the decency to blush. "Sorry, habit."

Jack smiled. "Save it for the bedroom."

The blush deepened.

It was still raining when they turned into Arcia Terrace. Whilst it wasn't especially late, night had sunken in like a shroud, the orange glow from the street light cast a ghoulish glow over their wet faces. Ianto was sincerely wishing he had a hat on as he studied his PDA, trying to shield it from the water at the same time. They had ended up in a little residential Cul De Sac that Ianto dutiful declared was a sheltered block for elderly people. Jack glanced around, missing the warmth and protective volume of his faithful great coat. Ianto appeared to notice his discomfort as Jack caught him smiling faintly.

"Don't worry, sir, I'll get it to the dry cleaners first thing Wednesday morning."

They stepped away from the SUV, Jack locking it and Ianto continuing to study the read out as a fierce wind whipped the freezing rain around them. Ianto was puzzled and it showed in the frown drawn across his brow, leaving a shadowed furrow between his dark eyebrows. He thrust out the PDA into Jack's grasp and glanced about him nervously.

"There's a faint reading it's close, but I can't get an exact pin point."

Jack's right hand was resting against the Webley at his hip as he studied the little screen.

"Looks like its moving around..." He looked up and pointed. "There!"

Ianto peered into the gloom, not seeing anything but a neatly trimmed knee high hedge and lots of rain lashing down. A set of net curtains were twitching too. He watched the window, distracted.

There was a flash of silver, the sound of a high pitched whir. Jack yelled out a warning and before Ianto knew it he was flat on his back, blinking away the cold rain. Pain exploded in his chest.

"Ianto! Look out!"

It was too late. Jack watched as a silvery flash whipped past him, impacting with Ianto's chest, sending the younger man crashing into the side of the SUV. Ianto crumpled bonelessly to the wet tarmac, his eyes snapping open as he let out a blood freezing scream. Momentarily stunned, Jack just stared as Ianto scrabbled rabidly at his chest, kicking out his legs, his hands came away and Jack saw red, even under the discolouration of the street light. He leapt forwards and Ianto was crying now in a panic his arms flailing.

"Get it off me... get it off me."

Jack ducked a waving arm and grabbed him by the wrists holding his arms at bay as Ianto writhed underneath him, his head colliding with the side of the vehicle as he scrabbled about.

"Jesus Jack, it hurts... get it off." There was total panic in Ianto's eyes. And Jack slapped him hard, needing to get him still.

"Ianto.. stop!"

The Welshman stilled, frightened tears mingling with the rain, his eyes angled down to the protusion in his chest.

"Oh God what is it?"

Jack studied the gleaming leach like object latched firmly into Ianto's flesh. It wasn't easy to get a decent look.

"Lets get you back to the Hub." Jack wrestled the limp weight into his arms and it took him a moment to discover that Ianto had lost consciousness. "Shit.... shit... shit."

Ianto was ridiculously easy to lift, looking scrawy and forlorn in his wet clothes. What was harder was getting the keys out of his pocket and unlocking the doors of the SUV. He gently slid Ianto across the width of the back seat extremely careful not to touch the metal on his chest. The boy was alive at least and Jack ran round to the drivers side and pulled out his mobile as he keyed the ignition.

Owen did not answer his phone. He tried Tosh and she picked up on the second ring. Jack's tone left no room for argument.

"Meet me at the Hub ASAP!"

He hung up, tossed the phone aside and drove.

Tosh looked shocked as Jack staggered in, sopping wet a limp Ianto Jones draped in his arms. Jack rushed through the Hub with Tosh at his heals and they charged down into the autopsy bay. Jack dumped Ianto down on to the exam table relieved to lose the weight and Tosh was at his side scanner in hand getting to work and keeping her surprised outcry to herself when she saw the device latched onto her team mate's chest. Jack grabbed various bits of equipment and soon had Ianto hooked up to the monitors. He then found a pair of scissors and cut away the front of Ianto's Hoodie and T- shirt so he could get a better look at the...... whatever it was. Pulling the bloodied fabric away revealed what could have been a silver beetle, roughly the size of his hand, but instead of legs ending with feet, they disappeared into Ianto's pale flesh hooking themselves deeply under the skin. The bruising stood out starkly against Ianto's milky colouring. Tosh carefully ran the Bekeran tissue scanner over Ianto's torso and she and Jack looked at the projected display on the wall.

Jack was worried, he had no idea what the device actually was and medical diagnostics were not his thing.

"Tosh?"

The Japanese woman tore her gaze away from the readings. "I don't know Jack. It looks like the thing has hooked deeply into the muscles, there's filamentsthat have coursed through his body, but we really need Owen in to look at this.

Jack sighed. "He's not answering his phone."

Tosh knew she'd already tried. "He's not at home either, I think he took Diane away for Christmas."

Jack noted her despondence but didn't have time to dwell on it. "We need to get that thing off, any ideas?"

Tosh had none. "Let me do some research. His vitals are stable for now so lets not try anything too drastic, just yet. Should I call in Gwen?"

Jack shook his head, his hand going to unconsciously grip Ianto's. "No, I need my medic. You get on to the research. I'll make Ianto comfortable and then try Owen again."

Tosh nodded and headed up to her desk and as she reached the top step on her way up to the Hub Jack called her back. She turned a questioning look on her face.

Jack hitched a worried smile. "Merry Christmas Tosh."

She smiled back. "You too Jack. I left a little gift on your desk."

His face suddenly lit up, revealing the boyishness so long ago left behind him.

"Thank Tosh."

A Welsh accented moan pulled his attention back to the problem in hand as Tosh disappeared from sight. Arms were reached up and blue eyes blinked under the harsh lamps.

"Oh.... Jack?"

Jack forced a smile and placed a strategic hand down firmly on Ianto's shoulder.

"Don't move. You're ok, just keep still." He tried his best to sound comforting and wasn't certain it had worked as he felt Ianto tense under his hand.

"Cold... Jack I'm cold."

"Ok, just be still. I'll get a blanket. You in pain?"

Jack watched as Ianto suddenly registered his predicament. "Oh my God, what IS that thing? It's hurting me!"

Jack kept his hold firm. "Ssshh, be still, try not to move."

Ianto slumped, his eyelids fluttering rapidly and garbled speech began issuing from his lips. It was Welsh. Jack sighed.

"Ianto?"

He got no response.

**AN: I'm not sure if this idea will work... so bear... bare.... bair with me and let me know if it all goes tits up.... Sort of inspired by the film 'Cronos' by Guilermo Del Torro, I think I have spelt his name wrong... sorry). AND YES, I AM TORTURING IANTO AGAIN!!!!!**


	31. Chapter 31

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 31**

Ianto continued to murmur as Jack carefully arranged a blanket over him. He watched the monitors dismayed to note that the younger man's blood pressure had dropped alarmingly. He speed dialled Owen and once again got no answer. Jack turned away from Ianto and bolted up the steps to Tosh's side.

"Do you have any idea why Owen isn't answering his phone?"

Tosh could have a pretty good guess, but she shook her head still intent on her screens as she tried to find a match for her scans in the database. Jack sighed and went back down to the autopsy bay. Ianto was wriggling under the cover, his feet having dislodged it so it tangled in his legs. Jack moved to his side and gripped his hand trying to make sense of the garbled mumblings. The monitors continued to show a marked deterioration in his condition. Jack sighed and watched as the metal bug appeared to shift, as if making itself comfortable. Tentatively Jack reached out and touched it and discovered it was warm and vibrating under his fingers. He immediately with drew his hand in revulsion and looked back to the monitor. Ianto's blood pressure had dropped further, becoming dangerously low and Jack noticed how pale the younger man was looking, a sheen of sweat dampening his furrowed brow.

"Tosh, anything?" Jack yelled over his shoulder.

"No Jack not yet."

Ianto's hand twitched in his grip and Jack turned to look down startled by the stark blueness of the eyes gazing up at him.

"Get it off Jack. Get it off me..... please." Ianto's face was white and desperate and Jack did something he never thought he'd ever do. It broke every single Torchwood protocol, but the very moment Ianto flatlined he grasped the silvery bug and wrenched it free, taking claw loads of Ianto's flesh with it. He dumped the thing into a plastic box and sealed it in. Ianto's blood was free falling, spilling out over his limp body and on to the white tiled floor.

It was the light that drew her attention away from the monitors. The over heads and her screen dimmed for the briefest of moments and then the glowing orange tendrils flooded out from the depths of the autopsy bay. Tosh recoiled in fear and backed away searching out her gun wondering what use it would be as she did so. Then just as suddenly the light was gone. Cautiously she moved forwards.

"Jack?"

"Its ok Tosh, we're fine." He sounded strained and Tosh ran into the autopsy bay to find Jack slumped half over Ianto, heaving in steadying deep breaths. Abandoning her gun on Gwen's desk she trotted down the steps and came to Jack's side. He straightened up an exhausted look on his face that made him look centuries old for just a moment. Then that smile was back, all white and shiny.

"What happened Jack?" Her gaze turned to Ianto who appeared to be resting peacefully, though covered in blood and ruined clothes. Jack moved closer to Ianto's head and gently brushed his fingers across Ianto's brow.

"He'll be fine now."

Toshiko frowned, wondering what had transpired, but she was distracted by a low moan that issued from Ianto's lips.

"Ssshh, Ianto its ok."

"What happened Jack, where's the device?" Tosh demanded.

Jack's focus was entirely on Ianto. "I took it off, it's over there." He gestured to the work bench and the box that sat there.

Ianto's eyes snapped open and he blinked in the harsh light. He reached out his hands searching for an anchor and latched onto Jack's shirt.

"Oh, God. What happened?" He tried to sit up but dizziness got the better of him.

"It's fine Ianto, you're ok. It's gone."

Ianto's left hand went to his chest which was sticky with his own drying blood. The metal thing and the wound had gone, his fingers ghosting over his own healed skin. Ianto sucked in an exhausted breath and sighed heavily. As he tipped his head back he noticed Tosh hovering over his other side looking worriedly into his face. Ianto hitched a smile and it turned into a yawn as his eyelids shuttered down and he drifted back into sleep.

Tosh stepped back and walked round to the device that Jack had contained.

"What happened Jack?"

Jack straightened up. "I'm having a cup of tea..... I'll explain Tosh, but I need tea, I'm tired.

The Retcon did wonders and Ianto and Tosh had no idea what had happened. Jack was thankful that when Ianto woke up in his bed beside Jack on Boxing Day all he remembered was a night of passionate uninhibited sex with his boss. He held the younger man in his arms, bringing Ianto back from the brink of death had almost killed him. Jack shuddered at the thought, shocked to the core by the fact that losing the young Welshman was more than he thought he could stand. He stared at the magnolia ceiling, newly plastered and painted, wishing for his Doctor, desperate to run for the stars. Without his 'gift' Ianto would be dead and Jack half wondered if Ianto would suffer the consequences of that at a later date. Jack sighed, his hold on Ianto tightening inperceptably. Why did things have to be so difficult? Why wouldn't his Doctor just come and take him away from all this confusion and loneliness. Even here and now in this warm bed with this beautiful man in his arms, Jack had never felt so alone.

Ianto stirred and rolled away onto his back with a Welsh murmur and Jack smiled turning to watch as the younger man woke up for the second time that morning. He stretched out his arms and pushed the bedding down as he opened startlingly blue eyes and smiled at Jack. Jack couldn't help but notice that Ianto was still pale with stark grey circles under his eyes. He returned the smile anyway and Ianto recognised that something was wrong with it, straight away.

"Jack?"

"Hey."

Ianto frowned. "What's up, you look..... you look sad." Ianto's fingertips brushed at his cheek. Jack did what he always did, he deflected the question with a kiss and then another one. The good thing about Ianto was that he understood and let Jack do what he wanted.

The following day Ianto arrived at the Hub at 6am to find Jack in his office going over some paperwork. Gwen rolled in at 7 and went straight up to Jack's office. They talk, they flirted and they laughed. Whatever it was that she said to him clearly brightened his day and Ianto couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. Tosh arrived soon after looking pensive and then Owen arrived and started his day by swearing at everyone and demanding coffee before stomping off to his domain.

Jack followed Gwen out of his office, pleased to learn that Emma who had come from 1953, had got herself settled with a new life in London. He was just in time to see Owen arrive and was suddenly reminded of the fact that Owen had been AWOL. He sighed internally, realising that there was nothing he could do about it, having already Retconned Ianto and Tosh. Owen looked to be in a foul mood anyway and Jack wondered what had happened to the medic over the last couple of days. He decided not to ask, Owen would tell him eventually anyway, he always did. He was relieved to see Ianto handing out the coffee until he saw the clouded expression on the Welshman's face.


	32. Chapter 32

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 32**

After handing out the coffees Ianto grabbed his own mug and turned to head for the archive, it's not like he didn't have plenty of work to do anyway. Tosh caught hold of his sleeve and pulled him to one side. She carefully glanced over his shoulder to see Jack retreating back to his office with Gwen in tow, still chattering away happily amongst themselves and as soon as Jack's office door was closed by Gwen she looked earnestly into Ianto's face. Ianto frowned at her.

"Tosh, are you alright?"

The Japanese woman looked into his eyes and sighed unhappily as she tugged off her glasses.

"Have you been doctoring the CCTV again?" She asked in a whisper, well aware that he had in the past. Ianto stiffened with annoyance at the suggestion.

"No, I haven't and I resent the question." It took enormous effort not to snap, but then the implications of her question properly sunk in. A security breach?

"What's happened Tosh?" He realised she was either trusting him or accusing him and he couldn't decide which, not that either was important at that minute.

"Someone has altered the files and not done it terribly well.... almost as if they wanted the wipe to be discovered but....." She tailed off and led him to her station. She sat down and began to type and Ianto watched the screens closely.

"Its been wiped, but ......"

Ianto pointed to her left hand monitor. "Is this what was removed?"

"It is what I have been led to believe has been removed.... THIS is what was really removed."

Ianto watched the scene unfold from a half dozen different angles in fast forward.

_He saw Jack carrying him into the Hub clearly injured. There looked like something shiny attached to him. He was placed in the autopsy bay...... Tosh was working at her station and Jack was on his phone and then back in the autopsy bay. Then there was a blinding light and the cameras went off line for some 70 seconds. Tosh was up was moving across the Hub, gun in hand and Jack was slumped over Ianto in the autopsy bay...... Jack was making tea and giving Tosh......_

Ianto gasped. "What the fuck is going on?" He whispered as he saw the Retcon being given to Tosh and then a few minutes later to himself. They watched as Jack cleaned up.

Tosh had her arms folded protectively around herself as she watched, she could feel the anger radiating off Ianto like heat, but the young man kept it in tight reign.

"What is this all about Ianto?"

Ianto sighed feeling utterly betrayed. "I don't know, but I will find out. Can you copy this and keep it secure?"

Tosh nodded, not knowing what to do, she trusted Jack, but he had clearly displayed that he could not trust her, for whatever reason.

"What are you going to do Ianto?"

His fists clenched at his sides. "I don't know Tosh. Can you access the sensor logs from Owen's monitors?"

Tosh got to work and after a few minutes the relevant data scrolled over her screen. Ianto kept flicking glances in the direction of Jack's office as she worked, but suddenly her hands froze over the keys and Ianto was brought back to the task at hand. He read the data and felt his gut tighten in shock. At 2303hrs last night he had died and then he had come back to life 9 minutes later. Ianto's hand unconsciously went to his chest. He remembered blood and pain. He recalled the shadowed vision of Jack's face as it hung over his, right before.......

Tosh looked up at him and grabbed his hand as his face went sheet white. Her touch anchored him and wrenched back into the present. Ianto swallowed down the bile at the back of his throat.

"Save the data please Tosh, along with the CCTV. I'll talk to Jack about it later, just as soon as he's finished eye fucking Gwen." His bitterness threatened to consume him. Tosh didn't dare look back into his face as she did as he asked.

"Did he save you last night?" She whispered.

Ianto shrugged. "If he did, why does he hide it? Why lie to us and drug us Tosh?"

Toshiko had no answer to that, she just couldn't believe that Jack had so easily Retconned them, without even thinking about it and part of her wondered how many times it had happened before. Her heart went out to Ianto, she knew he was involved with their boss and it was clear to her how much that meant to him.

"I'm sorry Ianto." She said quietly.

Ianto squeezed her shoulder. "Whatever for, you didn't do this."

Finally she looked up into desolate blue. "For doubting you and for thinking that you were hiding things again."

The Welshman dragged up a faint, but genuine smile for her. "Don't be sorry Tosh, you have good reason to question me after what I did, but none of us should have to question Jack." He straightened up, pulling his butler persona back into place. "I'll deal with it. Can I ask you to go through the system to see if there is anything else?"

At that Tosh smirked. "There are a few, but they're of you and Jack.... well, lets just say that they are more private."

Ianto blushed and then felt his anger rise still further.

"I think we should keep this to ourselves for now." He advised.

Tosh nodded in agreement even though she was not at all happy about it.

Ianto turned away from her and headed into the autopsy bay, Owen was there, sitting on a stool, staring at nothing and looking thoroughly wrecked. Ianto wondered what had happened to him over the Christmas break but refrained from asking, Owen didn't look like he was in the mood for talking. He coughed to get the medic's attention and Owen looked at him with haunted eyes. Ianto sucked in a deep breath. It was definitely one of those days, everything felt off kilter.

"Are you alright?"

The question was answered with a glare. "What do you want Ianto?"

Ianto halted his progress and decided that bothering Owen was not the sensible thing to do right now. He'd check the Retcon stocks himself, later.

"I came for your mug." He lied.

Owen thrust it into his grip. "Now piss off."

Ianto did as he was asked. What the hell was going on with every body?

He made his way back into the Hub and went and deposited Owen's mug in the dishwasher deciding he'd go down to the vaults to feed Janet before heading into the archives. At that moment Gwen breezed out of Jack's office. She was looking mightily pleased with herself about something as she went and sat at her terminal.

"Ianto, can you come up here?" It was Jack calling from the doorway of his office.

Ianto hesitated, almost afraid to go up there, but he schooled his features and strolled up to Jack's domain.

"Sir?"

Jack scowled at the address as he gestured Ianto into the room. Ianto sat in the chair that Gwen had just vacated and watched as Jack closed the door and circled around the back of him, the long route to his own chair.

"Gwen tells me that Emma has gone to London, new job, new life." Jack told him.

Ianto nodded. "That's good. What about Diane?" He asked.

Jack looked up and frowned.

"Perhaps you need to talk to Owen, sir. I think something happened." Ianto advised though technically Owen's problems were not foremost on his mind.

Jack narrowed his eyes studying Ianto's face intently. "Is everything alright? You seem a little edgy."

Ianto sucked in a long steadying breath. "I am, sir. I Just....."

There was a knock on the door and Gwen barged into the office. "We have a problem."

Ianto bit back his annoyance at being interrupted, especially when Jack apparently lost total interest in anything he was about to say. Jack got straight out of his seat and followed Gwen to her terminal.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The whole thing with the weevils and the jumped up yuppie estate agents had rattled everyone and seeing Owen so desperate to die had clearly broken Tosh's already damaged heart. Gwen was acting off and Jack was plain furious. Ianto really didn't know what to make of any of it, other than the huge Retcon job and clean up which was a bitch. What was worse was getting Janet the weevil back into her cell and settled. Ianto felt sorry for her being used that way. Jack had been careless, Owen had been reckless and Gwen had been distracted. No change to the normal state of affairs really. Ianto took the opportunity to check the logs for the administration of the Retcon drug. He found Jack's falsified entry easily, and the quantities still didn't add up so he checked the CCTV logs and discovered Gwen's dirty secret. Ianto took great personal pleasure in showing it to Jack. He knew he was being spiteful, it was his way of hurting Jack, getting back at him for what he had done to himself and Tosh. He also wanted to see Gwen punished and was more than a little pissed off when it didn't happen. In his more rational moments Ianto did wonder why it felt like everything was falling apart but he chose to ignore it. He chose to ignore the constant nagging feeling that things were not right with the world in a way he couldn't begin to understand.

Jack came back from visiting Owen in hospital expecting to have Ianto sex in the Hub. What he got was a punch that broke his nose, and Ianto's wrath.

"I'm only going to say it once Jack. If you Retcon me again, or Tosh, and I find out about it, so help me God, you'll be on decaf for eternity." It was no good threatening him with death, after all.

Jack could only gape, catching the blood in his hand as it flowed from his nostrils. He had the decency to know when he'd been found out..... no point in denying it now.

"How did......"

Ianto glared at him. "Not how Jack..... your first words should be I'm sorry! I hate your secrets. I keep too many of them, you keep too many of them. How can you expect us to trust you when you do something like that? Is this all I am to you, some dirty secret? How many times Jack? How many times have you done that?"

Jack was wiping his face with a damp towel by this point, his speed healing already doing its job.

"I saved your life." He spat back.

Ianto shoved his hands in his pockets. "And lied about it afterwards, made me think we'd had a wonderful night together, God only knows what you had Tosh thinking she'd done. I don't know what to think of you any more Jack."

Jack threw the towel aside. "I need you to trust me. There are some things I just don't want to share."

"I noticed and some things you throw around like free candy. You don't need me, you don't need anyone."

Ianto watched as Jack baulked, his face going pale with hurt. "Don't say that." Jack turned away from him and stomped to his office slamming the door to a close behind him. Ianto watched as he slumped into his chair and pulled a bottle of scotch out from his desk drawer.

Ianto went home confused and angry and just about ready to pack it all in.

Jack sat there in his office slumped in his seat, with half the bottle of Glenlivit already churning in his otherwise empty gut. He hated what he was. Was afraid of what he was. He dreaded the prospect of seeing another loved one die and even more dreaded the very real possibility that one day someone would get hold of him and use him for experimentation in the way the Alice Guppy had. He was technically a medical magic bullet. Jack shuddered at the thought; people had been used for far less. His instinct was not to trust, he had hidden himself so much since arriving on this planet. He'd hidden from his first wife, from Estelle and when he chose not to hide from Lucia it had been thrown back in his face. Love was vitriolic at best. Then there was Ianto, sweet, loyal, broken and angry. Jack hated him because he loved him. Ianto would hurt no matter what the outcome unless Jack could find his Doctor and fix this mess he was in. Jack studied the bottle carefully; the alcohol had had no significant effect.

He turned his head on hearing the alarms and seeing Ianto Jones step through the cog doorway. The younger man looked weary as he walked up to Jack's office and entered the room. Without a word he stepped around the desk and enfolded Jack into his arms and the older man crumbled into those strong Welshman's arms. Ianto's hand was rubbing warming circles over his back and Jack felt himself let go the tension flowing from him. Words failed both of them.


	33. Chapter 33

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS PART 33**

"You'll have to trust us one day. This can't go on Jack."

Ianto said softly as he carded his hand through Jack's hair. Jack tensed immediately and eased himself back from Ianto's comforting hold. Ianto's hands dropped away and he stepped back with a sigh.

"I saved your life. Owen wasn't answering his phone, you were dying. I couldn't let you go." Jack kept his eyes down.

Ianto knelt down at his side, trying to capture Jack's gaze and finally their eyes met, all be it, reluctantly.

"But why hide it Jack?"

Jack remained silent for a moment and the only sound between them was their breathing.

"Because if the world out there finds out I can do that..... UNIT would have me under lock and key in an instant. It doesn't always work Ianto. I've only managed it twice before because everyone else I tried to save was too far gone. The first time it worked was back in the trenches. James, he'd taken a bullet to his chest. The second time was when Lisa threw you across the Hub and then the other night......Every other time it has failed and.... and I don't know why. I don't want to know why." Fat tears were rolling over Jack's cheeks and Ianto gently thumbed them away.

"You have to trust us Jack, you're our mentor, you lead us, expect us to die for this.... this cause. If we are to follow then you need to give us something back."

Jack's eyes narrowed into a glare. "What like you mean that I don't give enough? My whole fucking life Ianto, this past century, all I've ever done is Torchwood!"

Ianto shifted back, intimidated by the glare. He outstretched a hand.

"That isn't what I meant Jack."

Jack felt his clenched fists uncurl and slumped back into his seat. "I don't understand." But he did and he needed Ianto to spell it out, the one thing he could not give.

Ianto wasn't fooled for a moment and he sighed and stood up. "Everything is wrong Jack. I feel it in my gut and I don't know what it is. We need you in the here and now and you are not with us. It's like you are waiting and I know it's all tied up with that Doctor of yours. But right now you ARE here and we need you. You said you needed me, that you needed me to trust you, how can I when you give nothing in return?"

"A little faith Ianto?"

Ianto snorted in disgust. "Stop using me."

Jack looked away and Ianto slumped down in the opposite chair and drew the bottle of scotch towards himself. Jack heard him take a long draught.

"Why are you here Ianto?"

The bottle was slammed down onto the table with some force and Ianto lurched to his feet.

"Because I am a fool, because I'd follow you into fire if you asked me to, because I know I am losing you and I don't think I could stand it if I did."

Jack heard his footsteps and then his office door slammed shut making the glass judder enough to crack. He didn't dare look up into the empty space that Ianto had left behind him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tosh was more than a little disconcerted when a very drunk Ianto Jones turned up on her doorstep at 3am. She pulled him into her flat and guided him to her sofa and Ianto sprawled there, tears running over his white cheeks from reddened eyes. Tosh looked down at him, the boy who looked ancient, world weary and she sighed deciding coffee and a quilt was what he needed right now, not a lecture about waking her up in the dead of night. Ianto snuggled into the bedding and leant in to Tosh's side under the quilt.

"It's all a mess Tosh, we're falling apart." He mumbled into her breast. Tosh pulled him tighter to her side.

"What did Jack say to you?" She wanted to know about why she had been Retconned. Ianto knew he couldn't really tell her, Jack's secret was his secret..... Jack needed him and Ianto did what he did best, he hid the truth in a lie.

"He didn't deny it Tosh, he didn't apologise for doing it either. He did save my life though." He smiled stupidly to himself. "He saved me with magic and he..... I'm scared Tosh." His bones ached with his fear and heartbreak. "He asked me to have faith in him."

Tosh gently ran her fingers through his messy hair. "And do you have faith in him?"

Ianto sat up and looked at her, his face serious.... deadly sober. "Can you keep a secret Toshiko Sato?"

Tosh sucked in a startled breath, Ianto's gaze burning into her very soul.

"Yes, for you Ianto I can." It was about time they started to trust each other and she could see Ianto needed her trust right now above anything else.

"I love him Tosh..... I hate him too, can't forgive him for so many things, but I love him so much and........ something bad is coming, I know it."

Tosh swallowed and reached out a hand to Ianto's and they twined they're fingers together.

"I know you love him, it's obvious and if something bad really is coming then we will deal with it together, ok?"

Ianto nodded, he settled down on to the couch pulling Tosh into his arms. They sat there huddled together until sleep stole them away.

The following few days and the Rift continually acted up. Tosh did all she could to track the spikes and Janet the weevil spent hours on end howling. Jack, Gwen and Ianto were out sometimes two or three times in a day dealing with the fallout. It was exhausting and frustrating.

Owen came into work to discover frayed nerves and grouchy colleagues and Tosh reluctantly went with Jack to investigate a derelict dance hall.

By the end of the day Ianto was nursing three cracked ribs, courtesy of Owen's boot and Owen was sporting a bullet hole to his shoulder. Jack did his usual and locked himself away in his office, first with Tosh and then alone. Ianto just felt thoroughly miserable by the time the others left the Hub for the night. Tosh asking him to join her before she left. Ianto had declined, he needed to sort out his ribs and finish the reports, which meant talking to Jack.

Ianto was hissing breaths through his teeth as he typed up Tosh's statement. He was seething, partly because the truth of Owen's words had stung him to the core and partly because he had not been able to adequately defend himself from Owen's attack. At least he remained the better shot, there was that at least. He wonder what the Rift would do now, the readings had become eerily silent. Ianto scrubbed his shaking hands over his face and nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt firm hands pressing down on his shoulders. Clever fingers kneaded sore and tense muscles and Ianto couldn't help but mutter a sound of approval.

"I watched the CCTV, Owen kicked the crap out of you today."

Ianto sagged, which hurt and made him wince. "Yeah, he did." He wondered what else Jack had seen.

The massage continued, warmth around his neck, over his scalp....it was beautiful, calming.

"What Owen said..... no matter what you think of me Ianto, you are not a part time shag, you never will be that."

Ianto kept his mouth firmly closed.

"Come on, lets get you down to the autopsy bay and checked over." He was pulled gently to his feet and Ianto found himself unable to look at Jack. Arms enfolded him and Ianto just fell against him, feeling the warmth and vibrancy of the man seep into him.

"I learned a lesson today Ianto." Jack said into his hair. "We have to live in the moment, reach out for the things that we connect with and not let go."

Ianto allowed himself to be guided into Owen's domain and he carefully perched himself on the edge of the exam couch. Jack removed his tie, and jacket, tossing them aside and then got to work on the buttons of Ianto's shirt. Ianto grabbed his hands to stop him.

"I don't want....."

Jack smiled. "Ssshh, that was not my intent. I just want to check your injuries."

Their eyes finally met. Ianto felt like he'd been hit by a tidal wave but he held Jack's soulful gaze as Jack eased the shirt off his shoulders. Ianto moved his arms to get out of the sleeves.

"Ow."

"Sorry. Oh my God, he really did a number on you."

"It's ok."

Jack shook his head. "No it isn't." He stepped away and went to the bench coming back with the deep tissue scanner and a handful of packaged bandages.

Ianto sat in silence as Jack worked, soothed by his gentle touches and careful attention.

"You keep saving me." Ianto murmured.

Jack froze and looked into his eyes. "I will always save you Ianto. I couldn't save my namesake, but I can save you, right here and now. It's all I can give."

Ianto touched his hair and leant forwards to kiss him. The alarms bleared into life and Torchwood stole the moment away from him, as it always did.

**AN: This is very hard to write..... is it right? Am I finally losing the plot? **


	34. Chapter 34

**A STOMACH FULL OF RATS FINAL PART**

Twenty four hours had passed since his betrayal. Gwen was still keeping her vigil in a place she had no right to be. Ianto hated her, the woman who professed to love her man now sitting at the side his man, the one he had betrayed. The one they had all betrayed. Ianto stood in the shadowed doorway of the morgue and watched as Gwen sat there and petted his dead lover. He wanted to run over to Jack's side and slap her away but he didn't think he any longer had the right. He had let Jack down again and now Jack was dead, this time for good.

Ianto closed his eyes trying to will away the startling vision he had had of his Lisa, whole and beautiful. How could he have fallen for such a stupid and cruel trick? His heart was like a piece of lead in his chest, no longer beating, just frozen in the amber of his grief and self loathing. Jack deserved better and Ianto turned quietly away and headed toward Jack's office. He caught Tosh's concerned glance as he slipped by, her eyes red from crying, but he carried on, there was no room in him anymore for anyone else's pain. On stepping in to that tiny space his senses were overwhelmed by everything Jack, his scent still lingered, his untidy desk which Ianto couldn't help but straighten...... his coat hanging limply. Ianto stared at it. Jack's mantel devoid of the life it gave it's owner. Ianto took it down and grasped it to his face, inhaling deeply. His tears flooded, relentless and unforgiving and he sank down on to the worn carpet behind Jack's desk and buried himself under the deep wool fabric of Jack's shield. The darkness under the coat was strangely comforting and Ianto cried there, quite sure he'd never want to see daylight again.

Toshiko watched silently as Ianto slunk past her and made his way up to Jack's office. She was not surprised to see the desolation written on his face and even less surprised to hear the door close and lock at his back. She went back to her monitors and watched Gwen monopolise their grief with no consideration for the team that had known Jack for far longer than she had. She heard Owen sigh at her side.

"You ok Tosh?" He asked gently.

Tosh turned her smiled at him. "Why is she in there? Why has she made this about Gwen Cooper? We all betrayed him, we've all lost him, some more than others."

Owen shrugged right now he didn't much care he was too riddled with his own guilt to question anyone elses.

It took Owen and Tosh another two days to convince Ianto to come out from Jack's office. At first he blatantly ignored them, sitting at Jack's desk enfolded in his coat. Then he took to yelling at them to leave him alone and finally he opened the door and allowed Tosh to give him a cup of tea, right after he'd hung Jack's coat back up where he found it. Ianto pulled on his best butler face because a Rift alert needed their attention and he and Owen went out to deal with what turned out to be a Hoix, which ended up in the cell next to Janet. When they got back they settled into helping Tosh with the repairs of the Rift Manipulator.

Jack woke up.

There was a moment of hesitation where Ianto believed that he simply wasn't strong enough or good enough. Jack blew it all away with a gentle heartfelt kiss.

Ianto had never felt more alive than in that moment.

He had never felt more dead when two hours later Jack ran away to join his Doctor.

The pain in his gut came back and the feeling of wrongness overwhelmed him and Ianto swallowed it down with his bile. Jack was gone, probably forever and in his heart Ianto couldn't find it in him to hope that Jack would be fixed and come home to them. Why would he want to come back to the four people who had betrayed him when the Doctor could offer him the whole of Timespace to play in?..........

**THE END.... WELL SORT OF. THE NEXT BIT WILL FOLLOW SOMETIME.... STARTING WITH 'THAT YEAR'... THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS AND COMMENTS WHILST THIS HAS BEEN WRITTEN.... NEXT TIME I SHALL TRY TO WRITE SOMETHING SLIGHTLY HAPPIER..... NAH I DON'T THINK SO.**


End file.
